Chapter 5 - Uncharted Territory

Later in the day I sat on my table near the vending machines eating lunch like I always did. In silence. My earbuds blasted music in my ears placing a sound wave barricade between me and the rest of humanity. It was an impenetrable force field of noise and if it hadn't been for Claire, maybe I would actually believe in the word impenetrable. Who would have thought the only person to be disingenuous with me would be myself.

The way I live my life has never been more on the line in my eyes. I have consciously jeopardized every boundary, every wall, every force field, and thought out unspoken rule I had created to live peacefully but I don't care. Though troublesome in my mind, I feel, for her the risk of humiliation or crushing defeat is worth taking just for the shot at something more that what I am now. A shell. Empty, unfulfilled, awaiting a hermit crab or snail to find me suitable to live their lives in me and for me to let them so I don't go on being the empty hollowed out air pocket that I am.

I felt the table shake a bit and there she was, lunch tray in lap, sitting next to me smiling brightly as she apparently frequently did now. I could never get over how much seeing her made my heart try to jump out of my chest but stayed inside by bumping off my ribcage and pin-balling against all the bones.

"Force field offline." I thought. "Mayday! F*****G Mayday!"

I took out my earbuds and dropped them into my bag. Claire looked down at the plastic plate on her tray. Her smile turned sideways a bit disgusted by what she was looking at.

"Why do they make us eat this stuff?" She said.

"No clue" I sighed. "Maybe they want just want to watch us suffer."

Claire laughed. God d****t that f*****g laugh. Its the kind of laugh that makes you giggle and no matter how bad your day had been before that moment, her joy would overwhelm and inevitably consume you. Her optimism was contagious like an air born virus infecting your soul. it was so strange to me that a girl who wore some of the darkest clothes could brighten up a room. Just something about her just made me feel…

"Why do you sit here?" 

I didn't speak for a moment. She repeated the question as if I didn't hear her.

"Jed, why do you sit here?"

"Well.." I paused, "I don't really have anyone to sit with."

"Do your friends not have this lunch?" She tilted her head.

"No."

"What lunch do they have?"

"Ummm…"

"Do you have any classes with any of them?"

"…No"

"How did you meet them then?"

Do I really have to say it. Is she really going to make me say it. No one ever took the chance to say hi to me. No one cared to learn my name. No one wanted to "chillax" with me. I never got invited to birthday parties or sleep-overs. The closest person to me is my Mom and even she's a million miles away. So no I don't have any friends. Plain and simple. Zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch. No one.

"I… I haven't."

She looked at me strange, confused even, "What?"

"I don't really have any."

"But aren't you a Junior?"

"Yeah…"

I turned away from her. I could feel her eyes burning holes in my temple.

"So what do you do after school?" She asked.

"I go home."

"And?"

"Thats it." I snap,"I just go home."

I can't help but feel horrible. Its not her fault no one wants to be my friend and now that someones actually trying I'm being rude.

"Im sorry.." I say,"I shouldn't talk to you like that."

She puts her hand on my shoulder. It feels warm and welcoming. I close my eyes.

"Well I feel like I know the answer but what are you doing after school today."

My eyes open and I turn to her. I don't speak.

"Would you maybe like to go get coffee with me? Since Im new here and everything, I don't have any friends either."

"Well...Yeah." I smile brightly, "I'd really like that."

"Good." She grins back, "That is, unless you have something better to do."

Claire punched my arm playfully and giggled. In the back of my mind I was thanking God I didn't screw this up like I managed to do with everything else. Even though we had just met, part of me really needed this exposure. Another part of me wants to remain in its comfortable isolation. I have actually decided to ignore one of them for the first time since my Dad left. This might have been what Columbus felt like when he stepped foot in America. Welcome to uncharted territory, a whole new world, an unknown wonder. Call me Jedediah Columbus the Socially Awkward Explorer.

"Umm.. What time do you want to meet?" I nearly forgot to ask, "And which coffee shop are we going to?"

"Hmm.." Claire paused, "I hadn't really thought about that yet."

"Oh." I slouch feeling we are both trying to think over the uproar of the chaos symphony next door.

"Heres an idea and stop me if I sound crazy." She straightens herself up.

"No problem." I reply.

"How about instead of meeting somewhere we leave school together. Then we'll walk and keep walking until we find a place we want to stop. Then we'll stop. Deal?"

"You said stop you if I thought you sounded crazy." I look into her eyes.

"You never stopped me." She looks into mine.

"Exactly."

Our eyes remained locked on each other and the blasting voices from behind the double doors stopped. The walls fell down along with the floor beneath us and it was just me and her sitting on a table in the center of the universe, rotating clockwise, floating on with that classic butterfly sensation keeping our hearts beating.Yet a horrid thought came to taunt me. Just how long can perfect stay perfect.

"No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys."

Douglas Horton