Chapter 4 - Hole In The Ozone

You don't speak unless spoken to. A simple rule I have kept in my mind to keep me safe, not that anyone would want to talk to me anyway. See, to me school is a massive crowd of confusion and noise filled with talkative teens, fake friends and relationships worth less than penny accompanied by a blind hope that they may and will last forever. I have no friends, I have no blind hope, I have nothing at all, and I like it that way.

My days go by blending themselves together like shadows in dim lit hallways. I live within these halls as quiet as quiet can be because life just seems so much easier to live when theres no one to talk to. There are no confrontations, no gossip, no threats, no lies, no body to do them.  Its a safe existence, though however bland and gray it may be, my life is manageable, simple, un-complexed compared to the day of an average ordinary teenager bound and gagged by their social allegiance. I've shed the meaning of being this age and in doing so, became something new. Something silent, something two dimensional, something so tranquil that it would rather die than disrupt the status quo of the universe.

Today, I lean slanted in my desk, pretending to listen to Mrs. Parsons drawn out lesson on World War II and Nazi Germany. By pretending I mean nodding my head every few minutes and staring through her eyes rather than into them. I had already read all the chapters we needed as well as did my own research when I was bored. I love to read and when I have nothing else to do I just learn stuff. Then I come to class and just try to make it through the days without anyone having to say my na…

"Jedediah!" Her voice erupts and echoes through my mind as I fade back into reality.

"Y-Yeah?" I say sitting up quickly.

"Perhaps you can explain to me the idea behind genocide and why Hitler would want to do such a thing. That must have been what you were thinking so hard about."

Of course, a question other than a classic yes or no is directed to me and not only is it a question, it is the mother of all questions. A question I have to answer with a thought out, well crafted idea. Do I take it simple and just say, well he didn't like them? Do I make a long drawn out explanation simpatico to her lesson on how he blamed the Jews for Germany's faults and failures, projecting his own emotions, ignorance, and hatred onto a group of undeserving people and using his charisma and Germany's need for redemption after WWI to turn a nation into a  blood thirsty murder factory? Yet If I were to act smart what will people think? Will they think Im strange? Should I just say nothing? Well then if I say nothing they they are going to think I'm crazy? So that means I have to say something. 

"Um…." I pause. Thats definitely not what I meant by something.

"I can!" Some kid raises his hand excitedly. I think his name is Presley.

"No Wesley…" I was close, "Jed? Any ideas?" She motions him to put his hand down.

"Uh…" Oh God what do I do? The class waits in silence and their heads lock onto me like heat seeking missiles as Mrs. Parsons stands by my desk. The missiles draw closer and closer beeping in my brain and leading to my inevitable annihilation but then without warning, the classroom door opens with a slow squeak.

"Mrs… Par-sons?" A voice calls out faintly. Every head in the class rotated like clockwork to lock onto whoever had opened the door. Usually its another teacher or student looking to ask her a question or turn in an assignment but this time it was different. This was no teacher nor regular student, this was a NEW student. A new face to add the confusion, a new star to shine in the galaxy, a new sound to play in symphony, and this new sound, this new star, this new face was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. Dark green eyes surrounded in eyeliner, long silk-like black hair, freckles spotting her face, each one acting as another reason to call her beautiful.

"Im Claire." She held out her schedule, "I just moved here from up north."

Mrs. Parsons walks up and grabs the paper from here for a moment eyeing it over to make sure she is in the right place and then hands it back to her. "Wonderful!" She chirped, "Well you can have a seat right there." 

She pointed to the desk right in front of mine. I sat in the back corner of the room for a reason and now that same reason is compromised, soiled by a hand gesture. Yeah no one sat there anyway and yeah is was clearly the only available seat in the class but that was the only thing that separated me from them. For months that desk in front of me was like a barrier, a wall keeping me safe in my own world like the atmosphere to Earth and now theres a hole in the ozone. 

Claire drops her back pack with a thud and sits down. Mrs. Parsons clicks her heels back to the front of the classroom and begins lecturing again. Apparently she forgot she was talking to me and went on to do better things than hear me stumble over my words like toddler with a speech impediment . Suddenly Claire turned around.

"Well she seems nice." She smiled at me. 

I looked at her, each and every atom that made up her. I saw myself in the small reflection of her gleaming eyes. I saw the slight gap in-between her two front teeth, only noticeable if you really looked. I saw each strand of her hair like a black spider web I wanted to be stuck in for the rest of my life and I wished I could say all these things to her, tell her the magic of immediate affection, but all that I could pour out of the almost boiling teapot that is my crooked mouth sarcastically said, "…You have no idea."

She giggled slightly and stared at me in silence for a moment. Jesus Christ! Did I just f*****g say something! Holy s**t! Our eyes remained locked for a few agonizing seconds. I have to break this silence. What do I say? How do I say it? God I hope I don't mess this up.

"Ugh..My name is Jedediah" I said holding my hand out awkwardly. What a great start, "Well… Jed for short."

"Claire" She placed her hand in mine and shook softly. 

Her smile never washed away from her impeccable complexion as if it was written with permanent marker and that is when I noticed, I smiled back. For what seemed to me the first time in centuries, rarer than the occurrence of Halley's Comet, I actually smiled, I said words, I had somewhat of a conversation, I didn't blunder, I didn't fall, I didn't crash and burn and I finally had someone other than myself and my Mom to call me Jed. Maybe this year won't be so bad. Then again I might be thinking to much again. 

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness."

John Keats