Insanity.

A day inside my mind.

I sit in a dark, empty room, tied up by my own thoughts

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

The only sound is water falling from a nearby pipe in quick drops

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

The sound of it burrowing its way into my brain

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

I let out a cry for help, but no one comes; its driving me insane

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

I scream louder and louder, thrashing about

 

Help!

 

Drip

 

Help!

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

I can't take this anymore I have to get out

 

Drip

 

Drip

 

BANG!

 

(Long Pause)

 

The dripping had stopped as soon as I was dead,

For the sound of the dripping was all in my head.

Author's Note

This always happens to me if I'm just laying in bed, or not occupying my brain with something.

Reviews

[Domo]

That would definitely drive someone insane to hear dripping faucet that just won't top.
Nice piece, and nice structure. :)

[Sexy P3nguin]

Wow. A very nice piece. To me it seems l.ike something I would write. I'm not saying you ripped me offed because I think your a better writer any way but to get to the poing it was a great poem. It had great description and an amazing way to tell a story. Good job

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Yeah...a leaky faucet will indeed drive you nuts..lol. Nice poem.
Although..metaphorically speaking..the drip provokes deep thought.
A burden that heavy has the same effect.

[Keli Renee]

This is pretty good. I liked it a lot.

[Jamie S.]

Well, its disturbing and caught my attention which is a good thing in the writing world!! You need to learn to shut your brain off (when neccesary) and maybe try meditating. Then maybe you could write about positive things as well, your too young to be this sad all the time :( I can feel your sad energy all the way down here....my prayers go out to you kiddo!

[Pomegranate]

hmm, i like this -especially the ending.

the only thing i am not a fan of is:
"Help!
Drip
Help!
Drip
Drip"

i don't know why exactly, but i find it ruins the flow of your words. we know you are calling out for help from the previous line; "I let out a cry for help, but no one comes; its driving me insane"
so really there is no need for the 'help!'
[i do believe you were trying to show how your panic was rising... but i'm not 100% sure on that.]

as i said to begin with: i like this.

[J]

This is cool :) I liked it.It happens to me sometime :))

[Pax Analog]

As I've read a few of your pieces, I'm starting to see a consistent emergent strength: ability to wield words like blunt instruments. The buck stops here. Shades of Hemingway's famous comment that a writer's best asset was a "built-in s**t detector."

With that in mind, what one leaves out is as important as what one writes.

Drip drip drip in the head, stopping suddenly when one is dead is deadpan, well "GothicNinja," isn't that your handle? ;-)

Keep up the straightforward plainspeak re whatever's on your mind. You're good at it.

[Ellen Hammond]

This is interesting, a good layout for it, and the ending caught me quite by surprise. Good job! Keep writing it helps to put our thoughts on paper rather than keeping them inside our heads.

[ebur™]

Ooh, mysterious, kept me reading, and then the end was unexpected. great job. I think that happens to me sometimes (except I don't die :P), and while I was reading this, I sort of heart that -drip- in my head. Very cool and unique poem :)