I walk down an empty street. I have no shoes upon my feet, My clothes are old and ragged, My hair is snarled and matted, I have nowhere to stay On this dark and oh so lonely day. I don't like this one bit, But maybe I deserved it. I walk back home with too many thoughts Here is my house, a cardboard box. It rains, so I find a store a block away.
I passed a kid on her bike on the way I pull on doors, and in place they stay. A find a sign that reads "Closed for the holiday" I sit alone by the front door. My house in ruins as rain begins to pour. I curl up tightly in a ball on the ground I fall asleep to a peaceful sound It's rain's soft patter from the grey sky And it wets the where I lay. Broken, I cry.
Wow...your poetry gets better with each one you write but your stories keep getting sadder! I still say you have soo much talent in you for the few years youve been on this earth. This is a wonderful poem with great visuals, you are getting better at showing instead of telling which we all struggle with ;) oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
An intense story of a sad life. Well written and thought out. There was just one little thing that detracted a tiny bit from it as I read:
"A find a sign..." I think you meant "I find a sign..."
Other than that your poem is great and very thought provoking.
Very nice way to let out your feelings. Good rhyming scheme too. I like how you base it around a holiday, the time of year everyone needs someone to be with. Sad story behind it all, I hope it works out for you.
Although you changed it slightly, I couldn't critique it any different. It is still good, and with the few changes made, I'd say you improved it just a bit :) Good job once again
This is an extremely powerful poem. You have painted so clearly the dark, hopelessness of someone alone and homeless during the holiday season. This person's life is so bleak. Rain mimics the soul, here, lost and broken. It mimics the tears shed over an unhappy and empty life. Through your words we feel the agony and suffering of this poor unfortunate.
I could really imagine this scene playing through my head. It was sad, and the description you gave was good 'old and ratted' 'snarled and matted'. I liked that. And your rhyming scheme was good. Great poem over all with alot of meaning, I felt, behind it.
Wow...So many things going on in your mind for such a young person.
This was a very emotional poem. I'm pretty sure I know what you're going through because that has happened a few times with my cousins.
I wish you the best.
"My heart is racing, feet are pacing, as I being to anticipate. Not much longer I can wait. The day is near, it's almost here. I feel like I can see him. Soon this vision begins to dim, quickly turnin.. more..