Blind

sometimes I feel so blind.....

I'm blind
Hands bound
Eyes sewed shut
I'm Blind of all the colors around
Of black and white and green and blue
Next thing I know I'm in a chair hoisted in the air looking around seeing
Seas of color Nut brown , light pink , pale yellow  making my leaping heart bellow
But then I'm blind again
They tie a white cloth around my head
And I hear just what they had said
Coming into my ears who couldn't hear nor see
Loser they whisper
Fraud they chuckle
Traitor they  scream
But I know I'm alone
Or is that because I'm Blind
Blind of colors
And of words that they say that remain unheard
Blind of my troubles and merging fears
Blind.....

Just Blind....

To this simple world
 

Author's Note

pls review and ill reaview u at any possible chance

Reviews

[E. R. Rawding]

the grammar, and rhythm are almost nonexistent here. there should be quotation marks around what loser, fraud, and traitor. also, there is almost no rhythm to this poem, which hurts it. on the other hand, you have a good concept, just work on your execution

[Natasha]

The grammar and punctuation took away from what a good concept the poem had. I'm sure if you re-tweaked some things and used spell check it would be better. I had to read the poem a few times to really concentrate on it, something seems a bit "off". I felt as if the ending was rather abrupt and there was no actual closing. you have going with :
"Loser they whisper
Fraud they chuckle
Traitor they scream"
brings a whole new imagery to the poem, but maybe more depth towards the end would be beneficial in tying it all together

[Emily]

This is a very interesting piece. I, as the grammar nut, tend to disagree with the statement of "blind of" you can be blind to, but blind of, doesn't really work, or flow. It causes a hitch when it is used. blind to flows much more easily and conveys what you were looking for it to do.

This is a piece I had a little trouble making out. The writer is 'blind' and then can see and then is blinded again and insulted and teased. Perhaps the writer was outside the world of colors, almost like outside the popular clique. Then she was in, and then out again, hence the being able to see and then blinded again.

Nice work. thanks for making me think.

[E. A. Fielder]

I would say this is about the times when you feel happy about the world around you and then you get that sudden sense that things are not all that great. You might even wonder about yourself. The voices you hear might me the mean little thing people hear from time to time that tells them they aren't good enough. That is never true! good write!

[Bexfinch]

thank you Adora and rice!!!

[Adora.xo]

Great poem, the grammar and rhythm is a bit off though. But you're doing great love! Keeper up

~Adora