Chapter 1:Em's Eyes

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to disappear? To melt away as snowflakes do as they rest on the heated earth. Only to fade away lifting away like mist. No one would be able to explain your disappearance. Rumors of your death, suicide kidnapping, and running away would be passed around your ex-school before you knew it. Parents devastated, friends confused and records still there no trace of anything…. nothing at…..all. It would be like a dream. A small empty dream nothing to worry about inner peace inner nothingness. What if I told you that I could do that? You would probably laugh and think of me as an insane raving lunatic, someone only here to sale you fairy gold. That’s desirable, but unreal. One year ago I would be able to tell you the same story and laugh. But if yousaid tis at tht time I would have thought of ou as a lunatic . But that year changed everything. It all started like this… “Natalie Parker,” Wake up  Em’s shrilling voice called out piercing the air like a whistle.  Ok pause,Let me take you back.  I was adopted or abandoned as a baby and Em took me in as her own child raising me and nurturing me with the utmost care. Pushing my bare tanned shoulder with her cool pale hand she whipped back the covers. I yelped in surprise and bolted upright tiny goose bumps covering my arms. Crossing my arms across my skimpy tank top I frowned at Em “I could have died from hypothermia” I said bearing my pearly white teeth now chattering in the frigid air. Rolling her eyes she takes a sip from a chipped coffee mug and smiles. “Well I’m sorry Queen Natalie I should have brought your bed warmers and a cup of tea, but today was the first day of spring break and well what the heck you have a soccer gala scheduled,” she rambles on using an obviously fake, sarcastic pretentious sounding accent. I scrunch up my face and yawn daintily “I don’t like tea “I say in disgust. Em smiles and heads towards the door her silk robe trailing behind her, her small green eyes twinkling in the small rays of sunlight that peek from my closed blinds. “Breakfast at eight o’ clock she says winking, she shuts the door and leaves her steps fading to a deaf pitter patter PITTTPATTITTPATT.  I swing my legs over the side of the bed only to find the gone. “Gone?” I think “Not again!” I drop under the bed only to find a ball of lint and a math book collecting dust. I got from my knees and began my daily routine … bathroom mirror clothes. But this time I looked in the mirror I looked more closely at myself. My golden eyes the same gold as a box filled with drachmas in Greece. Gold that matched the fallen leaves in the fall, and a gold that warmed the coldest of hearts. My eyes were unlike Em’s who had a deep lush jungle of turquoise and then golden brown flecks floating  around her Iris. The differences in our physical features were very different from each other. Em’s skin was a pale French vanilla cream color that was easily damaged. And my skin was a surfers tan an effortless coco brown that I hadn’t worked one day for. Em’s hair was Black blue that fell in a messy array of unkempt curls and mine was an optical black that was fashioned into a meticulous bob that framed my sharp high cheek.   Everything about us seemed different. But when we started talking everything faded away. I loved Em more than anything in the world but sometimes I wanted my mother. I wanted her to come more than anything and hold me telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to her. But it never happened. Em had often told me the story of my miraculous find. It always begun like this “ It was a dark rainy night and I was on the road………. NOT DONE

Reviews

[Gandré]

this is even a philosophical story, for you raise questions which make us think.. you certainly have a gift to build well-constructed sentences and they kept me interested. I enjoyed and wanted to read more and more. I'm looking forward to read more. I think, even her mother didn't look for her but she gave her life and this beautiful gift to think about herself, never stop asking. There will be many telling her - how special she is...

[E. R. Rawding]

the intro has two very badly worded similes, and the lack of grammar makes it very hard to read

on the good side: once you fix the grammar, it will be very interesting; i look forward to reading more