Words Spoken

Can I ? Can I really deal with this ? Can I look past this and move along ? Why can't things be like they used to ? Why can't I have my old friends back ? Jake , Lacey , Abby and them. I miss them so much. I miss us sharing jokes and just hanging out together , catching up on stuff and just being.

That's all gone now.

The decisions we make in life affect the present and the future. Some of these decisions can be fixed , some can't be fixed and unfortunately I made bad decisions that cannot be fixed or reversed. So I just need to deal with the consequences.

I hear the kitchen door open and close down stairs. That must be my mom. So I rush down stairs expecting to be greeted by her warm ,comforting smile. But instead , I'm greeted by something much worse.

The lights in the kitchen are off and I can hear voices. There's a the dim light of a flashlight with dying batteries. This obviously isn't my mom. I need to call the police because this is not going to end well.

I get down on my knees and start crawling up the stairs and hopefully the voices don't hear me.

My heart is beating so fast and loud in my ears that it seems like they might hear it. My throat is dry now. I've been through a lot and I don't need this. A break in ?

I get into my room and close the door quietly. Whoever this is didn't see the light in my room , I assume ,was turned on so I turn it off.

I reach for my cellphone which is on my desk next to my computer and quickly dial.

"Hello ? I think there are robbers in my house and my mom isn't home. I'm really scared because I'm all alone and I don't think I'm in the right mental state to deal with this"

I feel my heart still pounding really fast in my chest like it's begging to come out. Tears are rolling down my cheeks now because I really don't know what to do.

The police told me that they are on their way so there's nothing to worry about ...right ?

The voices in the kitchen are louder now. I can hear them talking really fast , teeth clenched but I can't make out what they're saying. They must be aware of my presence , I think.

The police aren't here yet and I have a feeling these people aren't planning on leaving now. I need to do something. Being a coward isn't going to help -- and being brave ? You might end up hurt ...or worse : dead.

"Valerie! " , I hear a male voice. Something about its huskiness sounds familiar. I keep mute.

"Valerie ", the voice repeated. "It's Marks , your dad".

My dad ?

"Your mom said you are supposed to me home. Are you here ? Guess not "

Oh , my dad. I slowly make my way downstairs and the lights are still off. I see a tall and skinny figure in the dark and next to it I see a petite shorter one.

"Why are the lights off?",I ask curtly.

"I don't know. The bulb died ? ", he answers.

"Just so you know , I called the police "

"Why the hell did you do that ?"

"How was I supposed to know that my father , whom I haven't seen in 3 years , was going to show up at night ? Unannounced ?"

"Are we ...interrupting something ? "

"No , but why are you here ? With whoever that is ? "

"Wait. First let's call the police and tell them it was all a misunderstanding"

Stupid police taking forever to come.

"Sure ", I grab the chair by the kitchen counter and sit.

My father then calls the police and tells them that everything is okay and they don't need to come.

"I called your mom ", he says flatly.

I can't believe my mom actually let him come. I haven't seen this man in 3 years and he feels that he has the right to show up whenever with a women at my mom's house ?

"Now what ?" , I ask.

"I was going to be in the country for a few days ..taking my fi-- Shelby on holiday when my car got repossessed. So I asked your mom if we could sleep over until car rental agencies open so we can get to our destination"

I look over to the woman with the flawless brown skin and short dark curly hair. She's wearing a red dress with a moschino belt and black heels , Loubotins.

"She's your fiancé ?", I ask in awe. I don't understand how he has the guts to ask my mom to stay over at my mom's house with his fiancé.

"Friend , fiancé ...call it what you want ", he laughs nervously.

Shelby , the curly haired women standing next to my dad , the fiancé , looks at him with a shocked expression as if to say did you really just call me your friend ?

Yes , he should be embarrassed to call her his fiancé in front of me.

"So , where are you going to sleep ? And why are you still going on holiday if your car got repossessed ? "

He walks closer to me and talks softly and quietly so Shelby doesn't hear. " I just want to make her happy " he says.

I shake my head and slowly make my way to my room when he comes after me and tells me he's sorry. I shrug it off and go to my room. I'm tired.

It's Saturday morning. Mom made it safely home last night because I can hear her from up here. She's downstairs , arguing with my dad like they always did when they were married. Dad always sounded weird when arguing with his slight British accent.

I roll over to the other side of my bed and drown myself with all the pillows that are in reach.

I still can't believe that she let my dad stay over with his fiancé under her roof.

My dad left 5 years ago. He just disappeared and 3 months after leaving my mom received an A4 sizes envelope in the mail containing divorce papers. She was devastated and hurt. What he did wasn't right and what he's doing now isn't right.

Under the mountain of pillows I can still hear their voices. My mom's asking , loudly , how could he be so careless and irresponsible. I don't know why she cares because that shouldn't be her problem.

I decide to get out of bed with my pyjamas to put an end to the whole thing because they lost the right to fight each other when they got divorced.

They're all standing around the counter My mom , My father and Shelby.

"I'm sorry , if we caused any problems ", Shelby says with a heavy accent.

Of course you caused problems. What were you thinking ?

"Shelby , it's not your fault", my dad comforts her.

It's a strange scene.

"How could you though ? Bring your fiancé to my mom's house after leaving her like that ? You didn't even have the decency to tell her that you wanted a divorce. Now you show your face around here and expecting my mom to give you refuge and feel sorry for you ? " , I say this trying to hide my indignation.

"Valerie, you shouldn't talk to your father like that ", my mom says firmly.

"But it's true, mom. He hurt you really bad and I had to pick up the pieces. He wasn't there. He's never been there for us "

"I'm sorry , Valerie ", he apologises. It sounds sincere but I'm not convinced.

"Sorry doesn't mend what already has been broken, dad "

It's quiet now. No one feels like breaking the silence. They're all looking down and now I feel guilty after saying all that. I should know better. Things are said and things cannot be taken back. Just because he hurt my mom doesn't mean I have to pick up the knife and hurt him back. That's my mom's fight and she's already forgiven him and she's over it. But it still hurts me. It hurts me that he just left her like that. I haven't really thought about it until now.

So I storm off to my room because I don't want to be there. Amid all the tension that I've caused.

Knock , knock on my door.

It's my dad. He walks slowly towards me and sits on my bed.

He sighs. " I'm sorry that you feel that way "

You're sorry that I feel that way ?

No, I don't understand. But I don't say a thing.

"Your mom and I ...we were fighting a lot . I couldn't bear it anymore. I thought it was better if I left because 1. I was hurting her and 2. I wanted to stop.

Look , sometimes if we want to stop hurting the people we love--"

"Where were you those 3 months ?", I interrupted.

"I was in ...Botswana "

"With Shelby ? "

He clears his throat. "Yes. I met her there after I left. She's been with me ever since. Helping me get through this hell that is life "

"And my mom ? She couldn't be there for you "

"You don't understand ..your mom and I just fought a lot and that wasn't the environment you deserved to live in. I left because I wanted your mom to focus all her attention on you and give you all her love. "

"And your excuse for not showing up and or call for 3 years ?"

" I don't know but I just want you to know that I didn't want to be your mom's burden and the cause of her unhappiness. I also just wanted you to live in a peaceful place where there was no fighting. "

"It's okay , I guess "

We don't speak for the next 3 minutes or so . So he stands up and leaves the room. I crawl back to my pillows and stare into nothingness.

I didn't want to be your mom's burden and the cause of her unhappiness.
I just want to make her happy. Shelby.
The words roll around in my head.

I just want to sleep again. I think about all the things my father said until I drift slowly into sleep.

Author's Note

Views , opinions and tips on writing are appreciated :)