Zombiepocolypse

Read and find out!!!

It is pure Hell within the walls of a quarantined city where zombies are dropped off to live, or die. Whatever. All the zombies walk around moaning and groaning, however, are they an evolved species? Do we actually know what is going on inside of their "half-wit" brains? I believe that I, Steven Goodykoontz will unlock the mysteries of the Zombies. Join me!

(Your TV changes and a cheezy intro comes on. It has lights and color and then it changes to a cut scene from Start Trek: Voyager. The music is essentially elevator music, however it sounds like it was recorded off a cellphone and then pasted onto this program.)

I first came across a zombie when I was eighteen years old. He was walking out of a house and it seemed to me that he had just taken a shower. He was all wet and he still had shaving cream all over his face. When most people fled in fear of their lives, I came up to the zombie and asked it, "Sir, are you really dead?"

However all I could get out of this hapless man was a muttered word that sounded like Ruffle Gruffle Braiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssss!!!!

So, I did what any sensable person would do, I took him to the local bucher's shop and I bought him some hog brains. However instead of eating it cooked, he snatched from my hands and ate it. Now, most people would think that it was gross and most people would get some kind of disease from it, however I said that he just saved a few years for our planet. Instead of using a stove to cook his meals, electric or gas, he ate it raw saving loads of toxic CO2 gasses. I'd say that this zombie is a real ecological hero.

After he ate his dinner, I asked him his name and he again said, "Braiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnssss!" So, I implied that his name was Brian. Since his brain functions are down to minimal, he cannot say his words right and he uses the only word that the could and that was "Braiiiiiiinnnnnsss.

Quickly we became friends. Wherever I would go, Brian would follow me and for years he has been a constant companion for me. I got to see his moods and his habits. I found out that when he is mad, he extends the "I's" in his name and when he is happy he extends the "N's" in his name. When he is sad, all he can say is his B's. His habits are kind of strange though. He walks around all day with his arms extended and always says his name. I then take the inititive to go down to the meat market and buy him some more brains. He gobbles them up and then takes a nap on my couch.

Something intriguing about him is that the only time he settles down aside from sleeping is when I turn on SpongeBob SquarePants. He sits right next to the television and just stares at it. I tell him that it will ruin his eye site, however he ignores me and keeps watching it. However, when it is over, he goes into a rampage and stops around the house saying his name again. So, I got the amazing idea of getting him a DVD. Everyday at six in the evening, he would sit right in front of the television and watch SponeBob.

However, that lifestyle quickly got old. I was running out of money for his brains and barely had enough for myself. So, I walked him around town and tried to find him a job. I took him everywhere from stip joints to road crew, but nobody would take him. That was the lowest point of my life. I did not want to give up Brian. He and I were best pals, however the strain on me was enormous and I knew that he could not live without brains.

What I had to do was very hard and difficult for me. I had to kill all my pets, which is five cats, one dog and 12 fish and cut out their brains. I froze most of them and gave it to Brian on a daily basis. He did not care how big or small the brains were, he was just happy to get some and also watch SpongeBob.

However, when that ran out, I had to hunt local squirrels and strays for Brian's meals. That worked for a while, however my neighbors began to get suspicious so I had to end that.

That was that. Brian had to leave. I called the Quarantine Department and told them that I had a zombie in my house that needed to be taken care of. They quickly came, took Brian away, however, I gave him the episodes of SpongeBob.

Nowadays, I walk by the quarantined place looking for Brian. I see him standing at the gate where they first pushed him in. He still calls out for brains, however, nobody is there to give him any. It breaks my heart to see so many zombies starving to death for brains, however nobody is helping out. This is a plea for anyone who watches this program. Zombies are people who need our help. Lend them your brains and SpongeBob CD's. What would Jesus Do?

I saw a side of zombies that only I know about. They are compassionate and nice. Non agressive when given what they want and they deserve our love and care.

I am Steven Goodykoontz signing off.

Thanks for watching.