A daily Struggle.

A 24 hour period with a mental health disorder.

They slowly start to take over, segment by segment, as if it were an evil battle strategy. His mind is racing, it's a race without a destination. A never ending tunnel of pessimistic thoughts about himself and everything that has ever been. He's laying in bed breathing heavily and his right foot seems to be moving rapidly at about 100 miles per hour. The fan is on high while he's sipping a tall glass of ice water yet he's still sweating. This is not a fever, this is a typical day with anxiety. After hours and hours of laying there rethinking that one mistake he made at work, sleep comes in a wave and takes him away. The dreams are unbearable, so uncomfortable. He fell asleep with so much anxiety that he brought the mess into dreamland with him, not to mention his foot has not stopped moving and he's been sleeping for 2 hours now. Throughout the night he wakes up several times feeling as if there was a dark cloud over him, he goes back to sleep to avoid having to consciously think. Five hours later the sun is shining through the blinds in his dorm room, he feels as though something is out of place. The impeccable feeling that something is out of place is attacking his every moment of the day, he feels as he might be losing his mind. After a few hours nothing has changed and the dark cloud as well as the thought that everybody is against him remains. He must try to distract this impending doom so he puts headphones in as loud as he can. At this time he is also drinking a glass a fresh squeezed orange juice and eating a nutrition bar. Nothings working, it's beginning to push him harder and harder yanking on every small string that is barely holding him together. He starts to wonder if he's breathing, now he's in a dilemma and must consciously breathe or else he may pass out from not breathing, though he thinks. Hours of this  battle goes on and it's hit a stalemate, the anxiety has not laid a hand down and he has not felt any better. Suddenly he is able to breathe, the thoughts in his distorted mind are much more clear now. All the excess energy that was giving him the energy has left his body, all of it. Now he has absolutely zero energy, he feels lethargic. A numbness starts to take away his feelings and self-pity is the spark of all of his thoughts. He now feels hopeless, he thinks maybe he'll never feel again. He's lived like this everyday for years now, he thinks about giving up. How could someone have a future when they are brainwashed by an invisible disease that erases the idea of success and rewrites it into a reoccurring suicide note with his signature forged into it. He goes home and fights off suicidal thoughts, trying not to cry. Everyone has told him that men don't cry. He grabs a knife and thinks that maybe if he hurts himself on the outside he can kill the monster on the inside. He's scaring himself, he throws the knife on the floor as he stares aimlessly into the mirror. Trying to find hope, or maybe love, or something to keep him alive for another day. He lays down, and cries himself to sleep.

Reviews

[WillGrant]

Def a familiar feeling. I think more and more people go through the this as the years pass. I don't know if it is the society we have created or just more people are coming out about it. Probably a mix of both. Now take that feeling a drive it into your writing and make the readers feel your characters as much as you feel. Thanks for sharing this

[Stan Lee]

What a powerfully emotional piece of writing. The way it flowed had me absolutely breathless by the end. Even though every sentence added to the pain I couldn't stop reading. Thank you for sharing this story. I hope 'he' can find relief soon.
Keep writing and stay inspired - you have an excellent writing style!
:)

[wordman]

sounds like a hell of a situation to be in.you wrote with passion