The Dying Star

Only a Dream

 

You could have seen in it the way he walked by. He always seemed to emanate a deep feeling from within but the nature of this situation was never revealed, never spoken about, never seen. We perceive ourselves to move along and don’t look back to reflect. We always go full speed towards our goals.

The endless blue makes an impression as I guide my gaze across the stars. I listen to the air rush inside my lungs and come to the bitter conclusion that some answers must remained unanswered if you want to truly know peace. Knowledge, although beneficial to society as a whole, has a way of collapsing upon a brittle being.

We talked about him today, more that we did any other day. I climb atop the mountain and humanity climbs inside and fades to black. We push people away at specific moments and realize later that it was a mistake. We never look out for others besides ourselves and our own personal gain but he seemed to look out for others.  I believe in our natures contrasting and fluctuating presence.

I walk further down the sidewalk, gazing at the stars, towards the park. I want to get rid of these thoughts, thoughts of how wrong we were. We long for the taste of what we can’t achieve, yet we achieve the things we don’t need.

 

I remember meeting him once. It was the very last day of the sun and he told me that everything was going to be okay and told me that it was all going to become right again. His words contrasted with the look of desperation in his face.  I didn’t reply but deep inside I knew he was right.

 

We didn’t know that he would do this. We thought that he was just becoming more and more relaxed. But in truth, he wasn’t afraid. He knew what he was getting into. The Body shall talk about him for the days to come, maybe months and years. They shall speak of his kindness and the nature of his heart. But little did they know what was actually hiding inside his heart and mind. They only know what he acted upon not what he felt.  He helped other people because he could never help himself.

They found him, a couple hours after confronting me, with a cord around his neck hanging from his fan. His parents didn’t know what to do. At first they screamed and shock erupted inside their body but then their terror gave way to anguish that then gave way into deep sadness. They kept asking themselves, trying to figure out what was wrong but he never talked to them, never confided in them or anyone but himself.

 

I will never forget those dark eyes.  I knew something was wrong but didn’t do anything to stop him. Maybe if I, no, I can’t. Time seems to be manipulative when in fact it manipulates us.

My spirit gets lost in the nighttime sky as my gaze lands upon a new star that I have never seen before. It seems to have a blue tinge towards it and seems to be fading away. I make a promise to follow in his footsteps and do what he did as to never let this happen again. The only thing I need to do is shrug away the feeling that I shared with him, the same feeling that ended up consuming him.

 

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You could have seen in it the way I walked by. I always seemed to be screaming from within but you didn’t do anything... You say, “We didn’t know that he would do this” But in truth, I haven’t felt less afraid than I do now.