Brand New Year Same Old Gonz

Sorry if this one dont hit the mark hampsters Old Gonz is a bit rusty. Honestly i bout I can even make anyone laugh anymore. Hopefully im wrong cheers.

I was lost in thought blood rushing to my head and i dont mean the one i use to make important life choices.

Like to either pay the bills or pick up some booze and hookers yeah duh a day without a cheap hooker is like a day without well a dirty hooker.

 

Okay you cheap no good b*****d!

The man said in his grown up yet outside voice at the same time.

Give me one good reason why I shouldnt have these two pricks not drop you to the ground below.

As I was danggling over the bridge I thought deeply about this question.

 

Sure I was a liar thief and all around womanizer and hooker with heart of gold but enough about my good

quallities.

This man was intent on seeing my favorite writer hit the ground like some child spitting on the overpass at tourist yeah talk bout the good old days.

 

Sir i have you know im pregnant and when i look at you I see a softness behind that bookie arsehole personality deep down you probaly just need a hug or blowjob cause i know they always make me

feel better course I mean from a woman cause I really cant stand facial hair sure there was that

summer I joined the circus and had a on again off again relationship with the bearded lady.

But I swore off crazy shite like that along time ago.

 

Now it's strictly mature women once reminds me sir it's almost time to pick my wife up from highschool.

 

The man looked at me in that starnge way most humans do or the way people cringe when reading

this shite when they realize im not in a nuthouse.

 

Look I need that money jackass.

Sir may I ask you question ?

What !

Well you see I belive you have a gambling problem.

 

Im not the one who  owes me fifty thousand you f*****g idoit!!.

I swear it's always money with you people hell I thought i ment more to you than that

well i for one am over this relationship.

The strange little hampster was looking like Jessica Simpson after hitting a all you can eat buffet.

 

His face flushed red.

Smoke seemed to be pouring from his ears he was about to start some screaming and other s**t i could care less about.

When outta nowhere a voice from some strange place came outta nowhere.

 

Memories all alone in the moonlight.

What the f**k said one of the oversized gorillas holding one of my two legs duh im not a spider dumbass.

What the hell is that said the strange little bookie man.

 

Hold on I gotta take that.

Reaching into my pocket i searched d****t that isnt a candy bar hahaha that gets even me cause im

retarded as if from reading this ya didnt know.

 

Hello honey.

Oh just hangin out with some strange guys  who wanna kill me.

No im not pulling your leg there pulling mine well no not the fun one the ones i walk with.

 

Hold on Skeeter hey guys how much longer is this gonna be cause i got some important s**t to do

like buy my wife and her friends booze  hey any you dudes single? like it matters .

Im kidding there nice girls hey they dont even charge yeah i know i cant belive it either.

 

Im single names Roco .

Great to meet you Roco so ya like to party.

F**k yeah when not like breaking peoples limbs im a party animal.

 

You see there even seedy underworld people like to party with s***s just like us normal

people like myself yeah I know what your sayinng Im normal?.

 

Me and my new friend laughed we talked we friended each other on facebook

im kidding cause facebook is gay. We did what any straight men do.

Set aside some time to lift weights and take pictures with are shirts off you ladies just dont get guy time so dont even ask girlfriend.

 

We were having a great time untill the strange bookie man exploded in temper that is.

What the f**k is wrong with you f*****g pricks?!

Look cut the s**t and drop the prick!.

 

Wait what about my child !

You cant be pregnant you f*****g dumbass!

Your guy.

Dam thats a burden off my shoulders  I was wondering how i was gonna break it to skeeter.

 

Just drop him.

 

I was off flying to my downwards doom dam you Roco i really thought we had something.

Isnt that just like a man he just used me for my free drugs and supply of loose s***s .

I saw my life flash befor me  I took a hit from my trusty  flask one last time.

 

D****t I swear how life moves so fast theres so much i yerned to do like

most the chicks in playboy i tell ya dreams are just gone in flash.

Oh well Lord im coming to spend my life eternal in that bar in the sky or in hell really whats the diffrence?

 

But enough with the forplay children.

 

Just then as i was headed down like a cheerleader on prom night i hit the earth.

the pain the agony the smell good lord this afterlife crap stinks.

Course ya know what they say once ya get past the smell hahaha yes I know im a pervert.

 

I opened my eyes to see garbage hell someone really needs to take out the trash.

 

After a few more trusty hits of good kentucky burbon i realized

i hadnt died infact i was headed to the local landfill seems a trusty a dumptruck had broken my fall.

I rode in the stench  had the last few drinks oh kickass pizza and beer

s**t that's not beer  d****t someones gotta bladder infection.

 

I was off to the local landfill and to yet another longwinded story cause

if ya didnt know by now ya cant kill crazy .

 

Untill next time kids stay crazy .

 

 Gonzo  

Reviews

[Boozer]

You know this kind of low brow humor really suits my mood my strange my friend.
Good work and of yeah i pooped in the fridge again im sorry but there really wasnt shite in there to begin with

keep writing john

[John Patrick Robbins AK..]

You know Gonz this is far from your best but me i'll always love ya sure your a poetic s**t puppy but that just lends to your charm you hampster you.

Yeah others may fall by the wayside or get the clap and piss fire but me i'll always be here because well i am you ya silly b*****d
I love getting drunk off my arse and commenting on my own s**t yeah im deeep as a childs swimming pool

but least im fun cheers

now thats a f*****g review

stay crazy