A Moment With Boozer/Your Moment Of Gonz

The party long since dead only the leftover havoc haunted the scene .

I sat as always still on the verge of greatness slash insanity really whats the diffrence?

Bottel of good kentucky bourban at the desk the keys to the highway at hand.

 

My only company my trusted amigo and fellow madman boozer loyal dog and trusted spiritual guru.

The block was apon me the bottle almost gone dear lord man I was slipping these days.

You know Gonz you really need to lay off the s**t man!

A voice spoke to me once was strangne usally they werent up this early dam b******s must

be up to something.

 

Gonz are you deaf ?

Or just to screwed up as usal?

Look I shouted to my semi destroyed empty room cant you tell im busy ive told you

I dont know the answers to lives deep questions like whats the future of manknid or why thoose goddamed twilight books are so dam popular or why that little tramp cheated on Edward no wonder the poor man was so hurt sometimes we all need some comfort and a mansion of are own so we dont have to share it with your cheating hooker of a wife.

 

Not that im judging cause im a total w***e im just saying girls just wanna have fun.

Hey maybe somehow I trapped Cindy lauper in the closet yet again I hate it when that happens

But enough with the foreplay children.

 

Who the hell are you talking to you drunk b*****d?

Dam these voices were really harsh no wonder I seldom hang out with them or loan them money cause honestly I seldom ever see it being returned

much like my mind.

 

Just then I felt a searing pain shoot through my leg .

In the name of Justin Timberlake that burns.

Werll not as bad as clap I caught in that dive in Mexico but really besides dodgeing bullets and semi insane drug cartels it was a rather relaxing time altogather just like Canada minus the snow and cave trolls.

 

 

Hey you drunk prick im down here!

Dear lord man it was worse than i thought.

After all the troubles I had put it through or into finally captian happy was finally gonna give me

piece of his mind .

After many years of being raised around women i had learned just how to start a argument.

And hold my own once i did quite often hey sometimes your low on cash and like my wife always tells me.

Hey look im doing that s**t for free your uncle pays so why not you and oh yeah

ya probaly wanna stop by the clinic I think your grandpa gave me something.

 

Dear old grandad  a true man w***e extrodinair if there was one.

 

I began to speak to my true other half and tell it i think we needed some space but i truley

wasnt hip on the whole breaking up thing cause well duh there was a lotta better times down the road that and my legs look terrible in dresses.

 

Just then my slightly over weight mini me amigo slash norweighen coke hound jumped apon the desk.

Hey look dunmb a*s .

I screamed a very high pitch manily scream that didnt at all sound like a little girls scream.

 

You can talk you b*****d why didnt you let me know befor I stepped in the mess in the basement.

I really do feel bad about blaming my candian housguest for that and pooping in the bathtub thoose canadians its like there raised in a barn.

But honestly what can you expect from a third world country.

 

Boozer dear lord man cant you see im busy working on yet another misspelled masterpiece.

really gonz seemed more like you were downing yet another bottel watching porn and getting ready for some alone time once mean soon you'd be passed out and id steal the rest of your booze

and if you were in deep enough sleep hump your leg.

 

I was shocked not that boozer could talk but I had always wondered what that stain was on my pants leg what a dirty little hampster haha high five to that.

 

Gonz we really need to talk.

I thought depply about this looking for just the right words hmm i belive

the correct reply would .

Why the hell not.

 

Gonz well you really been hitting the stuff way to hard.

You keep coming home passing out in floor eating my food

hell man you even pissed in my bed last week and blamed are canadian next door neighbor

I mean really isnt it bad enough he come's from Canada.

 

And honestlly man your going through so much drugs and booze its really got me worried.

I had to do that deep thing I belive grown hampsters call reflect.

I see so your worried I might O.D. and leave you all by yourself.

 

Boozer my trusted best friend looked deep in my eyes.

Laughed and said.

Screw that!

Im just worried your gonna run outta s**t for me to do when your passed out b***h!

Jesus man what a p***y hey look im a dog I can look sad and be taken by the next door neighbors daughter hey sure maybe I have to cut back on my drinking and crack habbit but hell man id love to hump thoose legs.

 

Yes boozer heart of gold drug addict pound puppy.

Sure he can go around humping kids and he's just sweet animal.

I do it and im a perve dam that lucky b*****d.

 

Boozer you are the man amigo.

We high fived the music played we cracked some beers and stayed in the back yard watching

the next door neighbors daughter cut grass on the riding mower in her bikini.

Its okay her and my wife both go to the same high school.

Love ya Skeeter.

 

Kicked back in are lawn chairs sunglasses on music blasting deep in thought.

Hey gonz.

Yes boozer.

Wanna smoke some weed got killer s**t from that little gardeners dog I think its gold.

 

Well boozer i think im gonna quit ya know clean up my life no more strip clubs or drugs.

Or lose women except for my head cheerleader Skeeter you go straight man.

He looked at me in shock really?

Got ya my butt sniffing friend f**k that if i went clean and had to be noraml id f*****g go nuts.

 

Oh yeah and remember that time I took ya to the vet for a simple check up?

Well yeah boozer replyed.

Well the vet really didnt think you were cool so he kept you overnight

he really kept you overnight cause he cut your nuts off.

 

Boozer kept laughing you crazy b*****d you always crack me up where do ya come up with this man?

I wasnt joking Boozer.

You know Gonz I always felt there was part of me missing.

Really?.

Got ya!

Hell Gonz that was the best favor ya ever done hell I already got like fifteen kids but i tell ya the mothers are real b*****s .

 

We laughed we drank we watched the next door  neighbors daughter till skeeter got home and found me drunk as usal talking to the dog .

Trust me its not the first time.

 

Life how weird and unsober it is.

Remember kids do drugs party drink and get messed up till you hulicinate and maybe you to can here animals talk to.

Cause that kicks a*s.

Untill next time this has been your anti PSA annoucement.

 

Stay crazy hampsters.

 

Gonzo   

 

 

Reviews

[felioness]

I laughed my a*s off!!! And I'm a Canadian for Chriz sake!!! (gotta watch my language around you religion loving, bible thumping, bible belt southerners). Any one south of the 49th parallel is a southerner to us cretins! Both your spelling and grammar have a uniqueness that is quickly forgotten as your wit and humour (Canadian spelling) does its magic. write on dude you are GREAT!

[John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo]

More than happy i made ya laugh I gotta pick on Canada why you may ask cause usally everyone i pick on from there loves it that and im a real life comic so its my job to pick on everyone including myself.
And not all of us southerners are like they say we dont all date are sisters. hey i dont even have one thats why im strictly dating my cousin im kidding

And as far as bible thumping no worries there church is way to early in the morning for me that and with no open bar or strippers that party is way to lame dam fine review from a hell of a writer means alot my friend so glad i could make ya laugh now avoid the cave trolls and hockey pucs

Cheers felioness

[felioness]

well i had to have my way with ya...bible insults were the obvious retort. Cheers back or as the French Canadiens say ..Salute!

[Lily Mae]

There's a friendly face.. How are you?? I see that life above it still running like a wild child and keeping you happy and insane like the rest of us. .:) Just because people aren't smart enough to read you doesn't mean you should quit.. your stuck with all of us oldies :) so deal with it..lol.. Your perfect as is..xo

[John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo]

Why thank you you talented little hampster you.
Hey hopefully I made ya laugh cause if not id be slipping .

Thank you so much for the review Lily i needed it like a cool drink on a hot day or a fast car after i umm well borrowed some money without asking banks there so uptight about that well guess i'll be heading towards mexico cheers and you stay crazy hampster

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Gonzo, I always get excited when I see you have a new work.....every line touches my heart or makes me laugh. I truly enjoy reading you. Keep writing my sweet friend.

[John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo]

Thank You so much Neva hell these writes get so little reads i had thought of not writing anymore of them.
Thank you for reading my friend cheers gonzo

[FJ Davis]

Well, Gonz, I finally finished your novel; it was great!
It could have been longer, though--especially if you were looking to up the suicide rate on WC.
I keed; I keed!
A word of advice; Don't ever learn to spell. Readers would then discover what you're actually saying, and you'd probably be arrested.
I keed, yet again.
John Patrick, I sincerely hope you're doing well; I can plainly see you're staying crazy.

[John Patrick Robbins AKA Gonzo]

Hell Frank it's all part of the act my friend or as i like to call it just being myself. thanks for the read and cheers