Chapter 26- Nameless One

Chapter 26

 

Nameless One

 

           

            Death, such a trivial and unavoidable thing, yet everyone fears it. Even when a life has lost all meaning and all that remains is the bitter end, one still runs from its inescapable grasp. For there is nothing worse than the eternal darkness. There was a time when He felt the same way. When all the pain, shame, and humiliation in the world could not push him towards that door to darkness. But somewhere amidst all the suffering he got lost. He forgot the path where he came from. He forgot the reason he fought. He forgot his name.

            After fearing the darkness for so long, all one begins to see is darkness. One forgets what the light looks like. What the world looks like. One stops caring. Existing becomes the mere act of breathing. Forever trapped in the solace of the mind. Thinking…But not of a future. Not of the present. Not of the past. Simply thinking.

            In the darkness there was no time. Only hunger. Where the food came from, or what it was, he wasn’t sure. But he ate. Who fed him, he didn’t care. All that mattered was that he ate when he was hungry. That’s what Luna told him. And Luna was always right. Luna never gave him false hope like Sol did. That’s why Luna was his favorite.

            When he still felt pain, Luna told him it would only get worse. She was right. When he still thought he could be happy, Luna told him he didn’t deserve to be happy. She was right. When he thought there were still people in this empty world that cared about him, Luna told him no one even cared if he was still alive. She was right. When he wanted to escape the darkness, Luna told him the light only brought pain. She was right. Luna was always right. Not like Sol. Sol was always wrong.

            Sol believed there was someone coming to rescue him. He was wrong. Sol believed they would eventually get tired of making him suffer. He was wrong. Sol believed that somewhere out there, there was a better future for him. Sol was wrong. Sol believed he might one day see a person he lost long ago that was once very dear to him…Sol was wrong. In his life there was only despair.

            The small crack of light at the bottom opened up again, and food came through. He grabbed it without question, taking the tiny tray with both hands and digging his face inside, cleaning out the metal tray with his mouth. After he swallowed down the food he grabbed the other tiny tray and drank the water inside it. When he was finished, he continued to search all the corners of the tray for any drop he might’ve missed.

            Luna appeared, in her blue skin and bright crescent eyes. “There’s no more. Do you know why? It’s because you don’t deserve anymore. I told you not to sing!”

            He covered his ears and cried, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I just thought…I thought if I sang…”

            “I keep telling you but you never listen. Nobody loves your voice. Nobody wants to hear you…you’re worthless.”

            “That’s not true,” said Sol, in his golden body and sunlit eyes. “Your voice is your beacon of light. Only through it will you find an end to all the darkness. It is all you have left.”

            “Is that what you want, an end to the darkness? Do I need to remind you of all the pain and misery you suffered in the light?”

            “No,” cried He. “I don’t want to remember! The darkness is all I need. I won’t sing anymore! I promise…I won’t sing anymore. I just want to eat…I just want to eat.”

            And for the rest of the darkness until the next meal, he did not sing. But the food was no more than the last. And the water was no more. And he cried and cried until the next meal. Which was less than the last. So he held his tears in silence until the next time. And he got more. And the time after that he got even more. And then less. So he sang. And then the food didn’t come. And he waited. Then cried. And waited. And finally he ate. And then he was quiet. And ate some more.

            After one meal he felt the urge to sing really loud. “All hail the Fuhrer! For this everlasting peace and order!”

            Luna screeched, “Stop it! Stop it! They won’t feed you!”

            “All hail Judicium! The land where all is one!”

            Sol celebrated, “Sing! Let them hear you! Let them know you live!”

            “United we stand! We’re the proud and glorious!”

            Luna clawed at her naked body. “Stop it! You know they hate it when you sing!”

            “We’re the Sun! Our light is the justice!”

            Sol danced happily. “The light! Almost! I can feel it!”

            “We’re the Moon! In every shadow we see truth!”

            Luna started to cry. “You will regret this…you know you will regret this.”

            “We’re the proud and glorious! All hail Judicium! For this everlasting peace and order! All hail the Fuhrer! All hail the Fuhrer! All hail…”

            A large beam of light blinded him. He squeezed his eyes shut covering his face with his hands. He could feel the light touching his skin wherever his cape of hair didn’t cover. He heard shouting but the sound was muffled and he couldn’t make out the words being said. Suddenly he felt something hit his rib, then his back, then everywhere, over and over again. He squeezed himself into the fetus position, eyes closed shut, biting his lip so he wouldn’t make a sound. He remembered this pain, a long time ago, before the darkness. It had been so long that he’d forgotten how much it hurt.

            When it finally stopped, He removed his hands from his face and squinted. The beam of light was still there, but it was rectangular now, and there was the silhouette of a person in front of it. He tried to make sense of it, but the image remained blurred. Then, without warning, the light disappeared and darkness consumed him once more.

            “I told you not to sing!” shouted Luna.

            “I told you if you sang you would see the light!” celebrated Sol.

            It was true. He did see the Light. But Luna was right again. The light only brought pain and suffering. Like always, Sol was wrong and Luna was right. So for the next meal and the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that, he didn’t sing. And there was no light. Or pain. Or suffering. But he couldn’t stop thinking about the singing. Or the light. Or the shadow in the light.

            “What do you think is across the light?” asked He.

            “Pain and misery,” answered Luna.

            “Freedom and hope,” answered Sol.

            “Will there be a lot of food? I don’t want to be hungry again.”

            “If you cross the light there will be no food. Only pain. Lots and lots of it. And it’ll be like the days long forgotten again,” said Luna.

            “If you stay here, you’re life will never be anything more than this darkness. Waiting, hoping quietly, that the next meal might be more than the next,” said Sol.

            “That person…the shadow in the light…why does he hate me?”

            Luna wrapped her arms around him. “Because everyone hates you…we’re all you have. You know that. But we’re here for you. And we will never leave you.”

            Sol shook his head. “She’s wrong. There are still people across the light who love you. They haven’t forgotten. They’re just looking.”

            “Looking? We waited an eternity and they never came,” argued Luna. “No one ever came…it’s just us. It’s always been just us. You know that. I know that. He knows that. Why must you always give him false hope?”

            “Because there is more to life than darkness.”

            More to life than darkness? He tried to remember a time before the darkness but all he saw was pain and misery. He had spend so long in the darkness that he no longer knew if the fragments of memory he had were once a reality or an illusion created by him. But if this is an illusion created by me, why can’t I remember a time where I was happy? He wondered, what is happiness? He felt good when he ate, but was he happy? Sometimes he cried because that was all he had to look forward to. If something made him cry then it couldn’t be happiness. So then the question was, did he know what happiness was? Had he ever felt it?

            For whatever reason, thinking about it made him remember a large man standing before him. He couldn’t make out what the man looked like, all except his eyes, cold as ice. Gazing into it, he knew this man brought him great pain. But it wasn’t like the pain he was familiar with it. It wasn’t the kind of pain that burned when you touched it. It was different. How though, he could not say.

            He decided to stop searching for the meaning of happiness. There was a reason why he never tried to find it. It was because it always brought him pain and made him feel emptier inside. If I just listen to Luna I’ll stop feeling pain and I’ll get to eat. That’s all I want. I just want to eat.

            And so the meals went, one after another, in silence. There was no future, no present, no past, but there was also no pain. If life had never given him happiness, there was no reason he should fight to get it back. At least in the darkness nobody was there to hurt him.

            One instance in the darkness he had a dream. There were the silhouettes of three people. The man with the icy eyes, a woman with a kind smile, and a small girl. He knew these people once. One by one they disappeared. First the man with the cold eyes. Then the woman with the kind smile. Last the small girl, but only her body. Her head remained and dropped to the floor…

            “EMILIA!!!!!!!!”

            His eyes opened, his heart beating desperately, his hands shaking. Emilia? The name sounded familiar, but he couldn’t recall from where. Even the dream he’d just had became a blur. He started banging his head against the floor trying to remember but nothing came. Then he started to cry.

            “Why can’t I remember…? Why can’t I remember anything?!”

            Luna comforted him. “That’s because you have chosen to forget those that have forgotten you. As you should.”

            “You should not,” argued Sol. “These people were precious to you once, and still are. It’s why they still linger somewhere in your heart and memory.”

            “If they are so precious, then why can’t I remember any of their faces? Why haven’t they come to take me away from the darkness?”

            “Sometimes we desire things and simply don’t have the means to accomplish them. I’m sure that whoever they are, they’re somewhere out there looking for you.”

            “And if they aren’t, what then?” asked Luna. “We’ve been down this road before. All that lies at the end of it is disillusionment!”

            He covered his ears. “Shut up! Both of you! I’m tired of both you…you both love to talk and tell me what to do but you never have any answers! I just want to be alone…I just want to be alone and eat. Food and water…that’s all I need in life.”

            Luna smiled. “Yes. That is all you need.”

            Sol shed a tear. “You want more…you’re just afraid.”

            After they both disappeared, the darkness remained his only company. Meals went by and life remained unchanged. Eventually, his questions about the past and slight hope of a future seized once more. His only aspiration in life, food. It was a simple life. Perhaps not a happy one, but not a sad one either. It was a life befitting of him. A worthless, nameless, forgotten s**t.

A large beam of light blasted through the darkness and he closed his eyes and shielded his face. He braced himself for the pain but nothing came. Slowly, he opened one eye, then the other. There was a silhouette in front of the rectangular light, but it wasn’t the same as before. Who’s this shadow in the light? Has he come to bring me pain as well?

            “So you’re Mary’s child,” said the silhouette. “I don’t believe we’ve met before. Venir, was it?”

            Venir? The name rang like a bell in his head. Venir…yes, I remember now. That was my name once.

Author's Note

He's finally back! What are your thoughts on what has become of him? What questions do you have? What do you think awaits him in the future? What are your thoughts on Sol and Luna?

Reviews

[Dark Rider]

Oh poor Venir! They really broke him, didn't they? I'm glad you put this in his point of view, but I'm sort of sad about what as happened to him. Sol and Luna are interesting. I wonder what part they are going to have in the story. As for thoughts of the future, I think that they going to use Venir as their Son of God. That's my weird and random prediction. XD Again, I loved this chapter and can't wait to read the next one! :)

[Cynical_Art]

Venir is probably my most dynamic character in the story, he's going to go through a lot of changes, as you can already see. A lot of new characters are also going to be introduced soon, and so is the amount of things going on, so it might slow down a little if you're especially excited for one character's part. It takes a while to go full cycle through the cast, and unlike the first part there will be more than 3 major consistent characters this time.

[Dark Rider]

Well, I can't wait to read more. I really have to see how this ends. :)