Lies

"are you alright?" i hear another person ask. "yes," and I always smile. Thinking to myself I have never been so broken! I lie to everybody that I talk to. I grin and laugh and everybody looks at me and I know what they think, that is a happy/entergetic girl! Girl….it makes me sound so young. In some ways I guess I am, but in some ways im old. I look at my youth group, my friends. I can look in their sparkling eyes and I see innocents that I wish I had. They don’t realize just how lucky they really are. I talk to my family we laugh,cry, and share secrets, but this one I can not tell. I don’t understand what I feel. The place I have always felt safe, happy, and at home. My church. Now I go and feel  betrayed, confused, and forgotten. People say I am the child of God and that he loves me and will answer my prayers. He has brought me out of some tough things, but this, this secret I hold now is slowly breaking me, making me crumble from the inside out. I go to what is suppose to be my safe haven but I only feel raw, exposed and at the same time nobody can see me, not that im letting them see through my mask, my lie. I go waiting for somebody to look in my eyes and see that they are not shining with innocents but are dark and broken and filled with sadness. Im waiting for somebody to come up and say everything is going to be okay. Everything is fixed, but I know that isn’t going to happen, just a lie I wish were true. So I go on with life, lying to everybody I see, breaking, and waiting for the day when it will all end, or until I just give up…….