Pre-write poem

Not sure entirely what this was suppose to be about or for. written in 2009

Eyes open

Heart beating

Clouded view

Heart beating

Eyes blinking

Heart beating

Can’t move

Heart beating

Unknown strange

Noise drumming

Heart beating

What’s happening

Where am I

Thoughts swirling

Heart beating

Sunlight diminishing

In the last specs of light

 I see an earth worm

Heart beating

Heart beating

I realize where I am

Heart beating

Heart beating

The aroma of loam

Fills my nostrils

Heart beating

Heart beating

The last of the light

Is squashed

Heart beating

Heart beating

I’m buried alive

Heart beating

Heart beating

Heart beating

Heart beating

Ahhhhh

Heart beating

Heart beating

Heart beating

Exhale

Heart beating

Heart beating

I can move

Heart beating

Blankets beneath

Heart beating

Sweat rolling

Off my face

Heart beating

Inhale

Clean air

Heart beating

Exhale

I am alive

I can move

I am free

Heart beating

Stay that way.

Reviews

[Trigorin]

This isn't bad, but honestly, I've always hated this sort of short, disjointed form of poetry. You do it very well, it's just really not my cup of tea. My one criticism would be that you might have had just a few too many 'heart beating's in a row occasionally, and it did start to grate on the reader a little. Other than that, well done.

[Jeremia]

The increase in 'heart beating' was to symbolize the increase in panic. As the person became more aware of where they were, it created more panic.