I stared horrified at my father. He lay in my arms, face pale, chest barely moving. He couldn't breath. There was nothing I could do but watch. He was dying. I knew this day was coming, we all did. But no one was ready. I was definitely NOT ready. I felt myself shutting down. My whole world was ending, my Daddy is going to fall asleep, but this time he was not going to wake up. I watched my half dead father, minute by minute he would grow colder. Second by second I would grow closer to tears. Don't cry, I told myself.
"I love you." My Dad whispered. Well that just about did it. Hot, sticky tears ran down my face. There was a large clump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down but it was like trying to swallow a handful of clay. I started making that awful choking sound I always make when I cry.
"I love you too." I sobbed almost inaudibly. I looked at my Dad. He had grown ice cold in my arms, his chest seemed to have stopped moving, but his eyes were still open. I carefully put my ear to his chest and listened for a heartbeat, all I could hear was silence. I stifled back another wave of sobs and ever so gently closed his eyes. I started crying again when I realized I had just closed his eyes for the last time. They were never to open again.
I promise, I thought to myself, I promise you father, I will avenge your death. I carefully set my father on the floor and kissed his forehead.
"I promise you father," I said in a shaky voice, "I will kill John Katherum, if it's the last thing I do." Then I got up and walked out the front door. I will not return home till he is dead, I vowed. Not till his eyes close for the last time!
I hate saying something should be like this or that because I personally think every piece of art is a master piece but if I was to add anything it would be to take more time explaining what is going on in this scene; this person must be feeling a world of different emotion or maybe just a pure tug of a single one.
This is just personal preference, but don't make it so polished; bring the rough, gritty attributes of reality to life. The funny thing about drawing a picture with a pencil is that it is the shadows, which are being drawn which bring it to life; that is to say, the unpleasant parts of the world are the things that make the good ones so special and if you can bring both of these forces together, will have one hell of a story!
But as in all things if you feel differently, go with your gut and ignore what I have said.
PS, I'm a terrible writer myself!
I hate saying something should be like this or that because I personally think every piece of art is a master piece but if I was to add anything it would be to take more time explaining what is going on in this scene; this person must be feeling a world of different emotion or maybe just a pure tug of a single one.
This is just personal preference, but don't make it so polished; bring the rough, gritty attributes of reality to life. The funny thing about drawing a picture with a pencil is that it is the shadows, which are being drawn which bring it to life; that is to say, the unpleasant parts of the world are the things that make the good ones so special and if you can bring both of these forces together, will have one hell of a story!
But as in all things if you feel differently, go with your gut and ignore what I have said.
PS, I'm a terrible writer myself!