Adrenaline

      Adrenaline. That moment when it all comes rushing, pouring into your head. But you don't know what to do, what to say. You just sit there, staring at the wall, the ceiling, the curtains softly lifting in the breeze coming through the window. Somehow the air feels thin, you can't breathe. Your stomach is cramping, cringing from the bleak, bitter truth. That's all it is, all everything is: bleak. Your life feels stained and torn to pieces, used, broken. You are broken. And you'll keep breaking, no matter how many times you pick up the pieces. Your story is over; it never began. You're just floating now, in a space of emptiness and despair. You know what will bring you up, make you surface on the plains of reality. It's pain. More pain. Razor blade rows of scarlet. Those bruises, those tears. That food you won't touch and the numbers on the scale ruling your mind. Where does the healing begin? When do all these open wounds mend, these scars fade away? Your head won't let you hear anything else except for the lie that is your inefficiency. Your worthlessness. Your uselessness.

      You'll begin to hate yourself, to loath everything you are and all that you have been. And you'll get up, and realize that it's not your mistakes that make you, it's the fact that you're still trying. And everything will be good, and happy. And there'll be moments when it hurts like hell, and sometimes you will fall again. But you'll discover that you're strong, that you can make it. So you'll keep trying, despite the dark times, despite the depression and the pain, and all of your failings. You'll make it.

     Soon you begin feeling some sense of worth, you'll find people who uplift and enlighten you. You're moving forward with your life, surely, steadily.

     And you look back and see the miserable person you once were, and you find that you're not that person at all. You have beauty, and friendship, and love surrounding you in places you were too miserable to see before.

     Adrenaline. The incredible, full, bursting feeling in your heart when you rise up in joy and take your life in your arms. You embrace the past, the present, the future. Knowing there is something called happiness. Soon you're surrounded by blessings you don't even know what to do with. And the truth is, nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be in this life. But just because it isn't perfect doesn't mean it's bad.

Author's Note

Just a spiel; my emotions put into words.

Reviews

[Jay Levon]

It hits hard (as I'm sure is the intent) well done!

[Alessander]

I like how visceral the beginning is. I can almost feel my body tingling. You confront the 5 senses and impress immediacy on the reader.

Also enjoyed the part of "you'll keep breaking". Isn't that true. People sometimes think "My heart is broken. My life is over." Nope, it ain't. And most likely, their hearts are gonna be broken again (this is why I don't work for the suicide hotline).

However, in spite of the somewhat morose start, the work begins to kinda become life affirming "You're strong" climaxing at "Just because it isn't perfect doesn't mean it's bad."

This had the feel of "Notes from the underground man" - although not nearly as Russian lol