Denial

Failure. I. Am. A. Failure.

All I could think of that day. There was nothing, nothing in the whole world that could fix me, could fix us. First there was you, then me. Perfect. Beautiful. The heat of our relationship was a flame, perched on the top of an endless match. And we would always match. At least, that’s what I thought.

You were made for me, meant for me, and now it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can’t help thinking about all we’ve been through. How dare you ignore that. How dare you. I guess it was my fault. There was something wrong with me.

How else could you do this to me?

That sick feeling. That one that I hate. Like my soul is being wrenched out my throat. How dare I let you go when I knew I couldn’t trust you?

Time ceases to exist as I stand here and think about you. Images of us, our first date, our first kiss. We pretended like it was a simple thing. But it was so, so much more to me. How dare I let you lead me on? Just playing? Maybe you, never me.

No, it couldn’t be my fault. All the times I tried, tried to pretend everything was alright when you stayed out late. When I understood that she was just a friend. When I saw you, I saw you, with her.

And you denied it.

Right here, standing right here, on my porch. You hurt me.

Help me, please help me understand why you did it.

“So will you come?”

No, I understand. It’s not you, it’s me. I think. I’ll forgive you again. I nodded my head, smiling as you did. I don’t know why I said yes, there was just something in the way you apologized. And somehow, somehow it was my fault. I forced you away. I did, I shrugged you off when you needed me. I’m so sorry.

You took my hand. That warm, secure feeling, it never died. Just slept. That cold, cold cramp in my heart, it would go away.

We walked out to the car together, your car. It still smelled like that.. that woman. I swallowed it up, kept it from infecting what we had now. Your car rumbled to a start. It felt so normal. So normal I could convince myself nothing happened. Nothing happened. I could breathe again. Again, I started to notice how beautiful you were. Darling, I’m sorry I hurt you..

Author's Note

Wrote this up really fast some late night this past summer, and found it buried in my files. What do you think?

Reviews

[Muse]

you have a beautiful way of repetition "without sounding redundant" for example:

There was nothing, nothing in the whole world that could fix me, could fix us. First there was you, then me. Perfect. Beautiful. The heat of our relationship was a flame, perched on the top of an endless match. And we would always match. At least, that’s what I thought.

You were made for me, meant for me, and now it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can’t help thinking about all we’ve been through. How dare you ignore that. How dare you. I guess it was my fault. There was something wrong with me.

I enjoyed reading you....

[brenda]

it is an awesome story :)

[Steve]

Yes....you aer a poet! I like this style. I dont know if this is real life stuff for you or just nice poetry....but you have talet.

[A.Lee]

I really liked this. The train of thought was very well written out, as if we were looking straight into 'your' head. Nice work.

[Ashley.M.E]

hmm, this is pretty good, not my kind of read and I am a little tired to be doing an over review, but it is good.

[Snickers]

"It still smelled like that.. that women."

Do you mean it plural, or singular, if so, it should be...

"It still smelled of that....that woman."

or

"It still smelled of those...those women."

[Chantel]

Very good, had sort of a thick feeling that could make the reader feel almost sick with the leading character. Very well expressed. I hate the guy though. Just like I'm supposed to haha :)
Excellent write! :)

[Sammie]

That was great. Definitely something I can relate too. I especially like the way it provokes an emotional response, for instance at the end I had a flare of anger that she would not only 'forgive him' while the scent of another woman lingers but mentally apologises for hurting him. Really liked it.

[Miss Coral]

This was great, but I think it could use some cleaning up in little bits. Most of it is built up on repetition, which isn't a problem at all, but I would focus more on why she loves him, and the way that he manipulates her, not the fact that he does. I would bring a couple more emotions into this situation rather than a numb sense of betrayal. The ending was the most powerful bit, when the repetition fell away, and the last line hit.

*woman*
Having said that, this was a great piece- it was short, but still managed to drag us into a world of emotion and hurt. Great job on that.

And, altogether, excellent piece as usual.

[Victor P Vigil Jr]

Nice story I think you have the fundamentals for a great book.