Twelve Days Til Christmas

picket fences 

too white for this coastal air

stand poised for decoration

ready to be draped with colored lights

emerging from a cardboard box

ready for the annual untangling

 

the snowman in the next yard

is filling with hot air

tipping like a metronome

and smiling with painted pride

as plastic penguins glisten with sweat

on the white ashes of a commercial conspiracy

 

give me a cup of steaming cider 

and a blanket to warm my feet

a golden bell to hang upon the door

and a pine scented candle to remind me

of distant mountains and breathing trees

 

i need no boxes or paper wrapping

no bows to prove that I belong

give me the echo of reminiscence

sweeter than any Christmas confection

and blissful souls to surround my table

decorated only with broken bread 

Reviews

[Ken Simm.]

I have seen Christmases in California and several where I live in the Highlands of Scotland. Not saying anything against the one's in California but I know which I prefer. This is wonderfully written and I can feel the memories.

[wordman]

a beautiful time of the year
and you sound excited,great write

[Jonathan Ballam]

They talk about "the spirit" of Christmas. Sometimes it takes a poet to smell it coming.

I like the metaphors jostling in the first three stanzas. They came out sharp and playful (I likey!)

Two minor crits from me...the phrase "blissful souls" bothered me. I find it to be too much on the sentimental side. Perhaps you could keep the word souls, but I think blissful needs to go. I'd try and use a shorter word like young, dusky, "a few souls" , kooky, soft...you get the idea.

The second is the repeated word "decorated" in the last line. The word "surround" in the previous line already gives the reader a visual that it wouldn't be a Christmas table without all these dang people around it. I would structure the ending a little differently so it reads something like:

i need no boxes or paper wrapping
no bows to prove that I belong
give me the echo of memory
sweeter than any Christmas confection
while a few souls surround
my table with broken bread

You'll also notice I took out reminiscence. I found it too clunky, and it distorted the rhythm too much.

Remember you are still the poet, these are your words. Also...if this poem is still fresh leave it for a while. Most poems need to ferment like a fine bottle of wine ;)

[David Scott]

It is good to read your fine poetry again.
I read longing...
I read memories and the futility of celebration.
I read a knowing and a hope of what one has the innate sense should be...
Maybe, just maybe, the table will be well dressed one day.
A very talented write.

[guy drori]

Very nice... I liked it :)
Your descriptions created a vivid image in my mind. I also liked the way you broke your lines; your enjambments really gave a nice flow to the poem.

[The Archangel Gabriel]

This was beautiful work. I really liked the meter and lack of rhyme. Sounds great!

Peace and love,
Gabe

[Clockwork]

I love the juxtaposition between the speaker and the Christmas decorators. During an increasingly commercial holiday, she refuses mainstream ornamentation. Instead, she focuses on internally locating the spirit of the season. Instead of plastic snowmen, she surrounds herself with the comforts of home and excellent companionship.

I absolutely love the lines "i need no boxes or paper wrapping/no bows to prove that I belong." These words hold an important message during this season of giving. You humbly show your readers that true Christmas spirit is not defined by material possessions.

[TL Boehm]

distant mountains and breathing trees. Lovely line. I've never appreciated the blow up decorations. I am not sure why they irk me but they do.

[Beccy]

Hits the nail so beautifully on the head about what really matters. Love those lines, 'as plastic penguins glisten with sweat on the white ashes of a commercial conspiracy.'

Beccy

[Souladareatease]

To be fed well You most deserve-I hope the plastic ornament of Holiday cheer actually delivered some Friday-This was a Longing piece for peace indeed-Keep the cider warm and don't forget the gingersnap cookies-one must indulge in sweets when hibernating!!!