To Exist Outside

A walk would do me good, they said -

a brisk jaunt at water’s edge,

to stain my pale skin pink, and fill

my lungs with hopeful air.

 

Along the dock I found my stride,

avoiding the iridescent entrails of fish,

and discarded J-hooks, glinting,

like long abandoned jewelry.

 

I caught the rhythm of laughing men

casting lines into a muddy harbor,

and I imagined breathing easier beneath

that murky reflection of Eos’ indigo eyes.

 

Leave this cluttered chamber, they said -

you are fading into the papered walls,

wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely

it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,

 

as rough hands pulled curved metal

from wet throats, and together,

(the fish and I) our sides heaved, as we

tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Trying to fit in where you don't belong....where others assume you should be....is next to impossible and emotionally draining. The metaphor of the fish is an excellent one. I liked the "snipped Hyacinth" reference. People snip off blooms and bring them indoors...in a few days, the flowers have withered and died. Powerfully emotional write.....very well written. lydi**

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, Lydi...I'm glad you really "got" this one :)

[MsJewel]

This is an amazing poem Sarah. Truly amazing..
The last stanza is so powerful - and holds so much despair - I could feel the pain.
You are an incredible poet Sarah.

:) Julie

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Humbled...thank you, Julie!

[Pryde Foltz]

tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

It does feel like that at times, doesn't it. I loved the story-like nature of this piece. It read almost like a short story, which I think is an amazing thing to achieve in a poem. Excellent piece of poetry.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Pryde!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

It is a startlingly good poem, Sarah. A Möbius strip of thought/emotion that is, in the end, forever twisted and circular. I note the past tense at the end and presume neither survived the ordeal; well perhaps the writer. One cannot know these things for certain, can we? However, I will request vegetarian for any wake, out of respect for the fish.

P.S. Please clarify the reference, "Eos’ indigo eyes."

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm glad you enjoyed it, my friend. As for the reference... Eos, goddess of the dawn, looks down upon the ocean with carnivorous eyes -- she was afterall cursed to be a man eater -- I found the idea of the "morning" being her reflection in the water as a bit cathartic in a way. No one is really sure what color her eyes were, but I imagine them to be indigo, as a reflection of the sea. Anyway...that was the point...whether it worked is up to you :)

[icelandicblue]

A surreal and all too real walk of reflection and despair. I found myself walking with you, feeling those raw emotions in the poem. I've always always felt sorry for a fish desperately gasping for its own oxygen. I am not equipped to watch something struggle for its life and die. Yet that feeling of displacement, misplacement, of no escape is one I understand. Perhaps I too identify with that gasping fish:

Leave this cluttered chamber, they said -
you are fading into the papered walls,
wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely
it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,

as rough hands pulled curved metal
from wet throats, and together,
(the fish and I) our sides heaved, as we
tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you for identifying...truly appreciate your review :)

[KAin]

Beautiful, vivid and haunting ("Leave this cluttered chamber, they said").
It's amazing how much vibrancy and a raw undertone of desperation you placed in the act of fishing - with a nice touch of mythology thrown in as well. Those closing lines are particularly vivid and poignant. Excellent work, Girl Friday!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm glad you enjoyed this one!

[Abhishekizy]

Absolute pleasure!! Sometimes when someone presents a sad sequence of the happening in few isolated lines without actually lettin you know the background of the story, they just create a mesh of suspense and re - thinking around it. You just did that and you did it beautifully!

[Abhishekizy]

Absolute pleasure!! Sometimes when someone presents a sad sequence of the happening in few isolated lines without actually lettin you know the background of the story, they just create a mesh of suspense and re - thinking around it. You just did that and you did it beautifully!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much...I always try to let the reader experience the emotions and come to their own conclusions; it's sometimes a benefit and sometimes a crutch of mine, i think. Glad it worked for you here :)

[Derek Smith]

this was real god, got a real picture of being at the beach it was nice good write.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Derek. :)

[Tom]

Fascinating the way you contrast the two unsatisfying worlds both the person and the fish now find themselves to be in !

Although I reckon the person's dilemma is just transient, however its 'curtains' for the poor wee fish !

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Tom...I think you got it :)