To Exist Outside

A walk would do me good, they said -

a brisk jaunt at water’s edge,

to stain my pale skin pink, and fill

my lungs with hopeful air.

 

Along the dock I found my stride,

avoiding the iridescent entrails of fish,

and discarded J-hooks, glinting,

like long abandoned jewelry.

 

I caught the rhythm of laughing men

casting lines into a muddy harbor,

and I imagined breathing easier beneath

that murky reflection of Eos’ indigo eyes.

 

Leave this cluttered chamber, they said -

you are fading into the papered walls,

wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely

it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,

 

as rough hands pulled curved metal

from wet throats, and together,

(the fish and I) our sides heaved, as we

tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I guess we all feel as if we 'exist outside' at one time or another in our lives, probably most of the time. We are so trapped within our own minds that we often seem as if we are peering out through the bars. This is yet another wonderful poem in your repertoire.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you for understanding, my friend!

[Lady B]

Enjoyed this read very interesting fine works

[Anand Sehgal]

avoiding the iridescent entrails of fish,

and discarded J-hooks, glinting,

like long abandoned jewelry.

level headed metaphors. brilliant work .

[Latifa]

what a great deep piece it is i enjoyed it

[s y e]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry I have not reviewed you in a while, I have a lot to do and have turned my RR's back on so feel free to spam me, LOL!

I loved this, this is most amazing poem I have read from you and honestly speaks so loudly. The imagery, and diction are all perfect.

"Leave this cluttered chamber, they said -
you are fading into the papered walls,
wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely
it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,"

WOAH! You have me speechless!

[Nihad Dweidary]

Why do we always go for the bait? Isn't there a world of amazement and expansive freedoms that we can wander through? What is happiness but a course, a decision, a will to live meritoriously? I hate feeling caught or captured, unless my captor is someone or something that is so freeing.

[Ees]

I got lost in the scene and imagining how the speaker got to that point. And that's a really good poem, that lets the reader dive in and feel it that way and wonder and think... ect.
It all worked well together and it was all believable.

Wonderful job!

[Riya Rashmi]

Wow. This poem reminds me of classical poets, even if it isn't in meter. The imagery, and diction are all top notch. I really loved how you weaved such a weary tone from these words. "tried desperately to exist in the wrong world" appeals so much to me. This is a beautiful poem!

[roses101]

I enjoyed this poem a lot and I like the imagery.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much.

[sayed Mudasir Ali]

A genuine poetry darling and it feels like all coming from the pure heart and soul. The feeling was someone reciting this into my ears with beautiful voice. My favourite is forth stanza and its very nice........................................ WIth Much Love & respect,
Sayed Mudasir

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You are too kind...thank you!