If There Be a Chance

what are we if not the foundations

of a beginning     dawn breaking lightly

upon a sleeping city     upon this house,

waking first the Palms and then the Orchids

 

we rise inside of reverie     sleep within

reality     somewhere our youthful priorities

became tangled when we traded passion

for matured restraint     losing as we lived

 

the metallic flavor of the future lingers

upon your lips when we kiss     prophecies

of a coming that cannot be addressed

without the bittersweet sting of woeful tears  

 

what are we if not the crumbling heart

of an impractical destiny     there is a pale moon

and there are faithful stars, but we have not gazed

upon them with lover’s eyes for far too long

 

if there be a chance     follow me into the rain

without worry of wet clothes or ruined shoes

lose your mind and give your hands a chance

to remind us both why children dream

Reviews

[Jack...]

One sees it and the other does not. What is a brilliant spring day to one is an annoying glare on the windshield to the other. A beautiful pristine new snowfall is a damp and dreary day to another. When passion loses sight of beauty, then, it seems by your poem my sweet friend, beauty loses sight of passion, or at least passion returned. I love everything about this poem even if it makes me sad in a way. To miss out on the beauty of love is to miss out on everything. Time passes and what was once everything now becomes only something, an everyday occurence rather that what makes the day special. The desire in this poem makes me sad, as if it were written with a frowning pen on a weeping page.

Show me the flowers before I show them to you.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you for reading so deeply, Jack...you always manage to see the heart in my work.

[KAin]

Strong work, Miss Friday :)
There was a certain breathless pace to this (maybe that's just me, it's how I read it), but it felt right, somehow.
The penultimate stanza is my favourite, but only just barely, as all of it is beautiful, from start to finish. Much of life dares us to grow up and leave behind our dreams. How then, will we be happy?

Keep up the incredible work!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I'm glad you read it that way, it was what I intended :) Thank you so very much!

[icelandicblue]

Such dreams can be dashed when reality rains down. I loved your cosmic stanza:

what are we if not the crumbling heart
of an impractical destiny there is a pale moon
and there are faithful stars, but we have not gazed
upon them with lover’s eyes in far too long

The last stanza is the final test and the reader just knows that there will be no dancing in the rain. The poem is quite poignant as it depicts the slow decline of a relationship.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Yes...the dancing in the rain never seems to happen, though, it is a nice dream... Thank you so much!

[B-poet]

Loved the last stanza as well as the rest of this profound piece. Loved the fourth stanza too. As you asked such an intriguing question that challenges the character of our true heart's desires. Great work Girl Friday. Another riveting read. :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, my friend!

[K. Louis]

This one, kind of filled my heart up a little. That last stanza was very sweet. Very good read for me on a night like tonight. Thank you! :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

No, thank YOU, my friend!

[Chris]

You brought me here BECAUSE I meant my last comment to you. The uniqueness of this isn't in your treatment of subject - it's because of the breath pauses and the speed of the normal rhythm. The flow doesn't stutter or stumble until the reader causes it by actually listening to what they hear. And that was special... what we heard was ourselves...pausing in mid step because we remembered being new ...again.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Chris. I'm glad that you enjoyed this one. I try to take care in my rhythm and flow...and I've been trying to take more care as of late :) I truly appreciate your words!

[Chris]

I can actually critique rather than comment... but few want that.