Imitation of Empathy

when I revealed to him

that my love was a primal estuary --

            a pulsing artery

            emerging from the nucleus

            of creation’s womb

he retrieved a silver flask from his pocket

and began taking all that he could carry

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was a foundation stone --

            the core of my inner temple

            where muses worshiped

            in samite mantles and bare feet

he produced a rust-red chisel and began to carve

a goddess statue -- in my image --

but he cut too deeply and my heart wept

a pool of sacrificial starlight

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was an orchard in summer bloom --

            I ached for him to breathe

            beneath the bowers, listening

            to the whispers of my fragile leaves

instead he chose to scale my branches,

reaching for the ripest fruit without regard

for the bruised petals beneath his blind feet

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Damn... you seem to have exposed a part of my soft underbelly. In reflection, perhaps the flask was only a sort of false courage; for the cowardice - what man would not tremble in the presence of the goddess? The scraping of harsh, rusty iron upon virgin marble is less forgiveable but none the less a pathetic attempt to construct a more enduring form of acrostic for what the eyes of man can never, ever fully see. But, it is the bountiful and cruel insensitivity that presupposes life must always have a goal and only the "ripest fruit" is worthy of such endeavor... a confirmation of that base nature as all possess. I am wont to gather up those bruised petals and embrace them as tenderly as is possible for they are the essence of life's glory; so beautiful, so fragile, so fleeting. For me, you've done well with this one, Sarah.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, my friend. I am always so happy when I touch upon something that gets to you emotionally. Your words mean a lot.

[Aethereal]

This elegantly written poem touches on a very important relationship dynamic between the sexes. Through the use of a refrain, you managed to turn this dynamic into a chant. This poem reminds me of a wife who spends all day preparing a candlelit gourmet dinner for her man, but when he comes home from work he gulps it all down like a pig without a single word of thanks other than an “Oink!” ; he then abruptly leaves to go bowling with his buddies. We have a major cause of divorce here.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You are very perceptive, my friend :)

[Astro]

This one developed nicely from it's earlier form, like a seed come to bloom. I like the feel of this one because it seems like a cautionary tale that could have been read in a holy book, or ancient manuscript written by a concubine or empress. A 'fools rush in' message in a sea of beautiful offerings. Sentimental and gorgeous Sarah.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, my friend :)

[Astro]

You're very welcome, it is always a treat.

[Fernando Dardón]

so many metaphors, and yet precious. I'm not a master, but I must say that there will be someday someone who apreciate who you are, and what you can give. I dont ever remember to have written verses like this ones. Congrats!!!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Javier...your words mean a lot :)

[Pryde Foltz]

Wow!!! Brilliant piece, here. Lovely fully developed metaphors. My fave yet of yours. On a personal level I really relate to this. I understand you sense of disappointment and misuse and his sense of utter confusion. You offer so much, and he knows not what to do with it.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, Pryde! I'm glad you saw what you did...you are right, sometimes people don't mean to hurt us on purpose, they just don't know what to do with what they have. At times, I wonder if anyone would know what to do with me...haha

[Pryde Foltz]

Most certainly, I think.

[Kleio13]

The utmost lovely tale of the Greek tragedy of Eros of eating the golden apple from the tree of a nymph ( or a Muse if I remember correctly).
Damn this is so drowning in pulchritude!
Your earthbound words explain how sacred your love is and that no one else measures up to it BUT the sacred. Makes ,e think of how human i should label myself and how spiritual my temple is. I'm still self-searching and this is quite an opening. Thank you for writing it.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you for seeing the mythological references... I think that all too often people do not recieve the regard and empathy that they deserve in a relationship (friendship or otherwise), and then we are left with nothing but "bruised petals" in the wake. I'm glad you found something in this to latch on to :)

[Kleio13]

your welcome and thanx always to the author who can take the smallest thing and turn it into a masterpiece. Writing was meant to speak of someone else's deeper thresholds and you def preserve that. I just recently experienced a cosmic wave of "bruised petals" and you made me realize that i should choose who I give myself to carefully. i am an entity.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You are very kind...I do try to do that, but sometimes I get carried awy with myself. I have to always remember to edit, edit, edit...haha

[Kleio13]

hahaha you just reminded me that I never edit. Maybe once every other poem.
i'm just a flowing submarine haha