Imitation of Empathy

when I revealed to him

that my love was a primal estuary --

            a pulsing artery

            emerging from the nucleus

            of creation’s womb

he retrieved a silver flask from his pocket

and began taking all that he could carry

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was a foundation stone --

            the core of my inner temple

            where muses worshiped

            in samite mantles and bare feet

he produced a rust-red chisel and began to carve

a goddess statue -- in my image --

but he cut too deeply and my heart wept

a pool of sacrificial starlight

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was an orchard in summer bloom --

            I ached for him to breathe

            beneath the bowers, listening

            to the whispers of my fragile leaves

instead he chose to scale my branches,

reaching for the ripest fruit without regard

for the bruised petals beneath his blind feet

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Damn... you seem to have exposed a part of my soft underbelly. In reflection, perhaps the flask was only a sort of false courage; for the cowardice - what man would not tremble in the presence of the goddess? The scraping of harsh, rusty iron upon virgin marble is less forgiveable but none the less a pathetic attempt to construct a more enduring form of acrostic for what the eyes of man can never, ever fully see. But, it is the bountiful and cruel insensitivity that presupposes life must always have a goal and only the "ripest fruit" is worthy of such endeavor... a confirmation of that base nature as all possess. I am wont to gather up those bruised petals and embrace them as tenderly as is possible for they are the essence of life's glory; so beautiful, so fragile, so fleeting. For me, you've done well with this one, Sarah.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, my friend. I am always so happy when I touch upon something that gets to you emotionally. Your words mean a lot.

[NA]

wow...breathtaking piece...so easy to get lost in your words, your imagery is as always, outstanding...love it :) x

[Akshita]

a decent piece of ur writings,,,,
ur passion for writing poems nd ur feelings can b well depicted from this...

[Troy Henson]

An elegant and masterful piece Sarah. A touch of romance meets reality in this. I nice well structured piece that offeres many metaphores. An evenly balanced and well penned write.

Regards
Troy

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, Troy...sometimes romance and reality don't quite mix...it's a sad truth.

[Kelly Scheppers]

"when I revealed to him
that my love was an orchard in summer bloom --

I ached for him to breathe
beneath the bowers, listening
to the whispers of my fragile leaves"

I have come to know there is much beauty to be found in your work, and it always leaves me with awe. Such a lovely work, Sarah.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Kelly...that means a lot coming from you!

[Anand Sehgal]

when I revealed to him
that my love was a primal estuary --
a pulsing artery
emerging from the nucleus
of creation’s womb
he retrieved a silver flask from his pocket
and began taking all that he could carry...

that is the real world . A nice story telling. Can be used as a read-out script for a documentary titled "Taken all" :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much...so glad you liked this one, Anand. Your words always make me smile.

[Brandon S. Whitten]

The story and imagery you weave so well leaves me spellbound. Splendid read and write.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so very much!

[Tomahawk Joe]

I like the way your feelings are always so well captured in the symbolism of your words. Good work

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, my friend...your words mean a lot to me :)

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

Apes are never gentle .. nor do they know how to pick roses
The mirror is their best friend ..
There is a language barrier .. and a heart defect..

I hear you .. loud and oh so clear !! Well done !

Jazz :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much!

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

You r welcome .. :)........

[Pete Langley]

This has the feel of antiquity and the undated basic truth of lack of sensitivity...it could have been unearthed, carved in sanscrit on an old stone!...the world is full of morons, Sarah! Great stuff! P.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Pete!