Imitation of Empathy

when I revealed to him

that my love was a primal estuary --

            a pulsing artery

            emerging from the nucleus

            of creation’s womb

he retrieved a silver flask from his pocket

and began taking all that he could carry

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was a foundation stone --

            the core of my inner temple

            where muses worshiped

            in samite mantles and bare feet

he produced a rust-red chisel and began to carve

a goddess statue -- in my image --

but he cut too deeply and my heart wept

a pool of sacrificial starlight

 

when I revealed to him

that my love was an orchard in summer bloom --

            I ached for him to breathe

            beneath the bowers, listening

            to the whispers of my fragile leaves

instead he chose to scale my branches,

reaching for the ripest fruit without regard

for the bruised petals beneath his blind feet

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Damn... you seem to have exposed a part of my soft underbelly. In reflection, perhaps the flask was only a sort of false courage; for the cowardice - what man would not tremble in the presence of the goddess? The scraping of harsh, rusty iron upon virgin marble is less forgiveable but none the less a pathetic attempt to construct a more enduring form of acrostic for what the eyes of man can never, ever fully see. But, it is the bountiful and cruel insensitivity that presupposes life must always have a goal and only the "ripest fruit" is worthy of such endeavor... a confirmation of that base nature as all possess. I am wont to gather up those bruised petals and embrace them as tenderly as is possible for they are the essence of life's glory; so beautiful, so fragile, so fleeting. For me, you've done well with this one, Sarah.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, my friend. I am always so happy when I touch upon something that gets to you emotionally. Your words mean a lot.

[Mark Heathcote]

Your voice here feels and sounds so very assured and I like it a lot.
when I revealed to him
that my love was a foundation stone --
the core of my inner temple
where muses worshiped
in samite mantles and bare feet
he produced a rust-red chisel and began to carve
a goddess statue -- in my image --

...The flow here is just brilliant!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, my friend!

[Angi]

The silver flask is such a hard, glittering image to me. It shows that he just can't handle opening himself up to her. He has his own demons chewing at him. Then it moves on to carving that idol, he wants to create an image that he can sit in front of. The real woman is too much, too much. He feels so selfish to me, he doesn't care! He takes the bits from her that will satisfy him, no heed for her beauty that he crushes. Sarah, this is a lovely, heartbreaking piece. Angi~

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

I am in so much awe as I travel around your writing. If this is what life brings in talent I need MUCH MORE life!

[TL Boehm]

There are those who destroy instead of love. crack the bones, suck the marrow - raze the village and salt the earth. And unfortunately - they come in pretty little packages we can't help but open - like Pandora without Hope to diffuse the burn. It is why some of us are born hard....mean spirited. So we aren't blundered and turned under the soil.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You know, no matter how many times I am stepped on, I never feel the hardening of my heart. Maybe writing has something to do with it...I purge with the pen and then I'm freed up for another experience, bad or good. Thank you for reading so deeply into this one.

[Pndrgn99]

Gorgeous description of the attensions of those
Who come hungry and bring no water to share.
Please drop by [email protected] and leave a review and
A link to your site as I want to read more of your work as you write.
Alex

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, Alex.

[Pndrgn99]

You are most welcome : )

[Tom]

Nice the way you portray the emotions of one person's open love for the other and again, that other's selfish streak as if he see's this as some type of 'free lunch' to enjoy as and when !

A great expressive poem !

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you for really reading into this one, Tom!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

when we give ourselves like this...the risk is great...vulnerability can really come back to bite us when another has such disregard.

jacob

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

So true, Jacob...I wish it weren't so.

[Dana Alsamsam]

your words wrap so beautifully around this pain. i love the form of this and the parallelism between the stanzas. there is always something special about your italicized sections- like you're letting us in on a little secret.

i know this feeling all too well. almost like they're loving you...but the wrong way. with a complete disregard and trampling along all of your feelings without realizing what is being done. this is definitely one of my favorite pieces of yours that i've read, sarah. such beautiful imagery and metaphor.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I love your interpretation of this one, Dana...thank you so much! You need to post something new so I can return the favor, and because I truly enjoy reading your work!

[Dana Alsamsam]

i hate everything i've written in the past week :( none of it makes any sense at all. i'm in a really weird place i guess so i decided not to force it and just focus on narrowing down my hundreds of RRs haha! hopefully something will come to me soon and i always appreciate your reviews!

[icelandicblue]

Your title says so much but your descriptions say it all. To reveal our innermost being and to have that knowledge handled in a cavalier way slices that vulnerability to pieces. I was especially enamored by the second stanza. Another beautiful poem fraught with emotion.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much for really "seeing" this one :)

[Rafia ~ Yellow Girl]

I did not know until now the art of describing the most heartbroken moments of life with such a beauty. This piece brought me a new sense of writing in rhythm, i can hear the echo of a mourning heart but i can not see or feel the tears, all i could see was smile; the most beautiful yet sad.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

You are so very kind, my friend!