Untitled

Well this is the first thing I've written in at least 5 years. Nothing great, but hey, gotta start someplace. This is related to mental health.

I suppose you think this easy.

I suppose that's ok because it should be.

The problem you see, is that it isn't.

The unceasing flow of thoughts in my head,

rushing up into a roar,

eventually it becomes too much.

I know each of my days is privileged.

I do a lot less than most.

And yet the simplest of activities is exhausting to me.

I wish I could help you understand the way this feels.

I wish you could spend a day inside this prison that is my mind.

Then you could feel this fear, 

this shame, 

this guilt, 

this resentment,

this anger,

this hate,

this love, 

this compassion,

this emptiness,

this loneliness,

you could feel it all.

You could come to better know what this life sentence is like.

I know I should be able to get up, to go on, to go forward 

like everyone else.

I want to.

It just isn't as easy as it seems or as it sounds.

I know the whole world can't see it, but I am sick and I feel 

this overwhelming pain.

It rushes over me, not like a gentle wave, but with the ferocity of a tsunami. 

This sickness bathes me with crippling feelings of inadequacy, 

reminding me each and every day how I am nothing. 

How I am useless

How I am worthless.

How I am a burden.

And I know you don't see me that way.

And I know you want to help.

I know you'll tell me that none of that is true.

And I appreciate hearing it. 

But your words don't wash away what the storm has brought me.

Reviews

[Shannon April Alice]

it is heartfelt, and authentic. it is not forced or full with fluff it didn't need. very good to read.

[Girl.]

Thank you! I do often worry I'll end up with fluff because my thought get kind of jumbled haha

[Ally Monique]

I agree with Michael, this is a masterpiece! I can't believe this is your first piece in 5 years! I've been in that prison before. I was in it for 4 or 5 years. but luckily, my life sentence was cut short, and I was spared my remaining years. One day it will hit you- and all those years of torture wont matter anymore. All that matters is that you are free. I've been to two mental hospitals, 3 therapists, I've had 3 medications, and wasted 5 years of my life. But in reality, was it really a waste No. It molded me into what I am today. Maybe it will be the way the sun shines on a may morning, or that song you used to listen before you go to bed. But something will snap you out of those caged doors.
All in all, wondrous writing. Truly captured the pain of mental illness. Thank you for sharing.

[Girl.]

Thank you so much! There are good days and bad or course, the beauty of the world around us perpetuates many of those good days. I'm glad I have been able to capture this for someone else, to speak to someone. Many thanks once again, and congratulations on breaking free from the cage

[Ally Monique]

No problem! And thank you :) Good thing you picked up writing again- you have a talent!

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

Wow! This is a masterpiece. I can relate to this all too well. But the prison of an over active mind is not a curse. It's a gift that allows you to create beautiful pieces of writing like this. Thank you for sharing :)

[Girl.]

You think so? I was really just floored by your comment. Thank you so much! I hope I can churn out some more writings that are to your liking, and that of others :)

[Michael (Letters and Lifelines)]

Of course I think so! I meant every word! Keep writing. You are very talented!