Beautiful Decay

Sorry if you find this a little bit long but i could not contain what i have been feeling inside and i just had to pour it all out...

You were just a fragile angel masked in imperfection

Whispered by the heavens to not last in this life

Now I live with the misery of pain of your absence

As I rip myself from the inside in hunt for a reason

On what’s the meaning of this if you won’t get to read it

 

Forgive me that I could not attend your burial

I could not stand the sight of the dark clouded crowd

I just wish you told me you were about to leave

At least I would be freed from this wretched mortality

To be in the next world we imagined as always together

 

Everybody is unsighted to the load that weighs me down

They keep on saying that I am holding to what’s gone

What if the past is the only present you have to live?

What if tomorrow holds nothing for it seeks freedom too?

To me the wine in this golden cup no longer tastes sweet

 

I wish I’d convince you it is not too late to stay alive

For I have become nothing but a sailor without a map

Please please promise me if I die tonight and join you

That in the after life you’ll for eternity stay alive

But if you ever decide to leave again, let me live with you

 

No bullet have I encountered can hush the scar in my brain

Each night I am enslaved by nightmares of our memories

I wake up drowning and fighting for air in the pool of my tears

When I stay awake reality cuts every edge of life trapped in me

Please come salvage me from this nightmare I am drowning into

 

I hope tonight I will find strength to sleep into a comatose

Maybe overdose of Vicodin and Prozac to keep me asleep forever

For I am out to search for a near death experience

Just for a night to be near you and near the ones behind

For I seek a chance to know that you are in safe hands

 

I loved it when people nicknamed us The Misery Misfits

Tell me the next world is real like in the movie Lovely Bones

Do you hold memories of how we wanted to be in a psychic ward?

But now I am alone in a medium ward, it totally sucks

For they put me to sleep whenever I scream I miss you

 

People will never understand how lovely you were

For you did put out your light before you shone bright

I hope you get to read this and cry just as I am

Not because it is your final poem embossed with pain

But because you wish I was there with you

 

Today I met the popular kids who used to bully us

Wearing false grievance masked with regrets

They even told me to go hang out with them tonight

I guess finally your death has robbed butterflies their color

Finally the owls find the reason to sleeping at night

 

To the rest of the world out there literate to read

I wish these words were a half empty of what I feel inside

You seize the life of your loved ones in your flimsy palms

Taking away your life steals away more than just one life

For now I bid fare-thee-well to my sanity and my best friend

 

I guess you’ve finally given me a Walk To Remember

I smile through tears knowing I encountered an angel

“Don’t call me an angel,” you always said.

“All these angels are only here for a moment.”

Here in my last words I kiss your shadows goodbye

 

As the rest say Rest In Peace you’ll be missed,

For me Return If Possible I miss you

R.I.P & I love You

©g!o.inked

 

Author's Note

...inspired by real life events and two songs; Never Too Late by Three Days Grace and Dear God by Avenged Sevenfold. This is to all who have lost loved ones through depression and society pressure. Please learn to accept people as they are...we aren't gold to fold to whatever you want, we ain't perfect and just 'cause you are strong not all of us are strong...

Reviews

[spiritwind]

a hard emotional read
it's a good thing your heart is a strong one or you'd never be able to survive the pain long enough to write about it
well done

[MOON]

Profoundly touching write. So well expressed.death robbed butterflies their colour striking .

[TurtleClark]

Firstly I love the movie references! This poem is incredible and makes me wanna cry yet smile at the same time which is difficult thing to do yet somehow you captured both. Thanks or writing it. =)

[An owl on the moon]

Profoundly beautiful and bittersweet. How you take us all on this journey across time... looking back over painful recollections... and moving to moments of sadness in the letting go. Powerful.

[Kaylor Mason]

hey . . . I'll be honest; I couldn't read all of this; I think I stopped on the second paragraph. It's too powerful for me--you're right. Absolutely right, about everything you say in here; I was nearly a suicide casualty from hazing and abuse and other forms of childhood hell (anyone who gets nostalgic about childhood was obviously never a child). Your work here is brilliant . . . beyond brilliant; it's majestic! Perhaps one day I will return to read it all, but not now--it hurts too much, and I've been to one too many funerals.

[G!o]

Sorry about the incidences that you went through. I can totally relate to it...hope you find your strength soon. Thanks for the review.

[Balkaran Sidhu]

This poem speaks so loudly!...Worth reading Again and Again...worth reviewing again...

[G!o]

Thank you Balkaran...that really fuels my fire

[Kiari Sabon]

you have helped them to shine through this even if it is just a shadow for none would write such lovely words if it was not for the muses beauty know this you have helped them to shine even in death and blessed be to them and to you may their new life be one filled with light... and dont forget to open your eyes and live be strong for you and even them though they are gone be strong

[G!o]

Thank you so much Kiari for the generous support...

[Kiari Sabon]

i only hope it helps

[A Soap Mess Stories]

very well written...so emotional...

[G!o]

thank you Starrleena

[Craba]

VERY emotional read. SO well expressed

[G!o]

Thank you Rain....

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your loss, the pain you are feeling is so clear cut that your words sting and I can feel it too. I love 'all these angels are only here for a moment' such a perfect way to end it

[G!o]

Thank you Sabrina....