Chapter 1: Visit to the Past

The music screamed in her ears as she sat in her room, staring blankly at a wall. She did this on a regular basis. Thoughts would surround her body, caressing her skin, making her feel so uncomfortable. She didn't know why it was always like this. The thoughts just wouldn't stop coming. Memories stormed her mind and the tears started flowing. All she could picture was her former best friend and the only one who would ever hold her heart captive inside his own. 

 

She didn't know what to do. The one who held her heart was so confusing. One minute he'd be flirting with her and the next, he'd be flirting with her former best friend. It confused her greatly and only sent her deeper into herself.

 

She thought about him. His eyes, so dreamy and easy to lose yourself in; she loved them. And his lips, so soft and so good. She loved kissing the guy. Their kisses were so deep, she used to thrive on them.. She could still remember the first time they kissed...

 

They had gone to a concert in their former town that they had both lived in the year before, but they did not know each other then. The school they had both gone to was putting on their usual Christmas concert and Jonie had decided to ask him to go with her. She was nervous because she didn't know what to say. She had never hung out with a guy that she already cared a lot about. Her sister was ready to leave and she quickly got in the car, slipping into the backseat. She cleared the backseat up a bit as they headed to his house to pick him up. Her stomach was churning, and her palms were already slightly damp. As they pulled into the parking lot across the street from his house, she wiped her hands on her pant legs and slipped down in her seat. She glanced down at her orange shirt, wishing for the thousandth time she had changed it.

 

The door opened and Mikey got into the backseat. She smiled at him, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, a nervous habit of hers. "Hey." she said softly. He smiled at her and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers together. She blushed and leaned against him. This is how she liked it, being able to be close to someone who didn't want her just so they could get some.

 

Her sister turned the radio on and they all conversed on their way to the concert. When they got there, Mikey slipped out of the car and Jonie got the chance to admire his a*s. And what a great a*s it was. She smiled to herself as she got out of the car. She grabbed his hand as they made their way into the school and she quickly looked around for her friends. Mikey and her stood off to the side of the hall, waiting for some friends who were in the concert to show up. Jason, Jonie's ex and Mikey's best friend, was the first. Jonie yelled his name and Jason looked at her, then glanced down at Mikey's hand holding hers. Immediately, Jonie knew he was hurt. Jason smiled at them and came over to greet the two. They conversed for a bit before Jason excused himself, saying he had to get ready.

 

After a while, Jonie and Mikey went outside and stood against the railing, leaning against each other. They laughed and enjoyed each other's company. Jonie couldn't keep her eyes off of his lips and she smiled. The cold started to get to her and her body started shaking. Mikey noticed and slipped his white jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders. She snuggled into it and smiled at him. "Thank you." she said. He smiled at her and she leaned into him.

 

After a bit, she noticed he had started shaking. "Are you cold?" She asked.

 

"No." he said, even though his body was giving him away. She shook her head and shrugged out of his jacket, already missing the warmth and smell of it. She tried to give it back to him but he ran away, laughing. Jonie chased him, trying to throw the jacket over his shoulder, but he was too fast and always managed to escape the attempts.

 

She grabbed the jacked from the ground, where it had landed from the last failed attempt. She wrapped it around herself and went to stand in front of him. She stared into his eyes, and then he leaned forward and kissed her. They held their lips to each other's for the longest time. Jonie literally thought she had died and gone to some heavenly place. No kiss had ever been like the one she had then. It felt like they were the only people in the world, and she would find out later in life that he had felt the same way.

 

They went into the school and watched the concert, holding hands the whole time. They whispered to each other the whole time and his foot ended up falling asleep. After the concert, they walked to the car together and she couldn't stop smiling. No one had made her feel so special as he did. They got into the car and on their way home, they shared several kisses. Then her favorite song at the time came on and she started singing. He joined in and they sang to each other.

 

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up 

 

She couldn't stop smiling as they shared several more kisses. Already she was attached to this wonderful, completely amazing guy. She was sad to see him go when they dropped him off. As soon as she lost sight of him as he walked into his house, she sent him a text saying "Thank you for such a great time."

 

Jonie blinked the tears from her eyes and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She would never forget that first night, that first kiss. She loved this guy so much. And she always would.

Reviews

[InsanityWriter]

Interesting. :) Let me know when you post more!

[Imara]

"...Jonie had decided to ask him to go with her...." Confusing phrasing.
"..She glanced down at her orange shirt, wishing for the thousandth time she had changed it..." there should be another comma after time if you want the commas but you don't need them. I actually suggest taking them out.
This is very confusing, is Jonie our main character? Jason is Jonies ex and Mikey is the boy (s)he has a crush on. And the sister is just there. This seems like a very interesting story but your clarity needs some work. It's difficult to understand what's going on.
You don't need the whole song. You can start it but the entire thing doesn't need to be there, in fact the reader is unlikely to read the entire son and will just skip past it. Especially because its a popular song but I suggest that you don't name a specific song so that way it is more general and more readers can more easily relate unless this song comes up again in a very specific way I would suggest leaving out the lyrics completely and talking about the feeling of the song more than the words of it.
Overall its a good story that tugs at our hearts as we all remember our first love, and those crazy high school love days, full of dreams and loves that were supposed to last.This is a great start and gives the reader enough information to know where the story is going but also leaves out enough so we want to find out more. However your clarity could use some work. Names, characters, and sometimes who's doing what is very confusing. This can easily be solved by rereading and editing it yourself and having a good friend or teacher read it and help you. Keep going :)

[Kenzi Griffin]

The song is actually important. And will come up again. The whole song is there because for later reaskns in the story. And Jonie is a girl and the main character. But thank you for reviewing it.

[Imara]

Ah then it makes sense for you to keep the whole song there. I shall await the reintroduction of this song, I'm interested to see how you use it :)