Shaken Vision

Just hold on!

SHAKEN VISION

Psalm 116:3-6

3)The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow. 4)Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul. 5) Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful. 6) The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.

"Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! It's hard for me to diagnose what's wrong with your left eye. There's a scar in your optic nerve but I cannot tell what is it. The only thing we could try is to give you a medicine to be injected directly to your eye. But there's no guarantee of healing. We'll do the procedure thrice, but we'll do it ones a month. Just prepare 60 thousand pesos for every injection." the doctor said. "Oh no! Doc, do we have any other option?" I asked. "I'm sorry, there's no other option." I cannot explain how I felt at that moment. I did not expect that after the very long hour of waiting, and after the series of laboratory tests, I could receive this worse result. Before I went through the lab tests, the doctor assured me that it was just normal at my age, and it will be healed by itself after six months. But if I really want to get rid from it right away, then I have to follow all the procedures before he could give me the right medicine. As a teacher, to wait for six months was too long for me. I need to check a lot of papers, and I need to make my lesson plan. So, I decided to follow the procedure. Lo and behold, that was it! The doctor told me to think about it, and just come back if I already made up my mind. At that time, I don't know where to get my sanity.

I went out from the clinic not knowing what to do and where to go. I decided to go back to school through a taxi cab. Inside the taxi, I was not able to hold my tears, on which the driver noticed. He did not ask but I knew he felt me. I went to the office right away, everyone inside did not say anything. I went to a secluded area, and then I burst into tears. No one dared to ask or comfort me, except our office head. She consoled me by reassuring me that I don't have to worry about money, for the school will surely help. But it did not ease the pain I felt inside. My thoughts got so wild. What will happen to my vision for my students, and the book that I am working with; everything will be stopped. Plus the crazy idea which the doctor said before I left. Taking the injection is not a guarantee that I will be healed, and knowing that he cannot give me the exact diagnosis is such a foolish thing for me to go back to him.

I decided to see another eye specialist for second opinion. But when she found out who my doctor was, she told me that I already went to the best doctor, and she also told me that she could not also tell the real condition of my eye. she suggested the same thing with my first doctor. No guarantee of healing, but the price is fixed! Once again, I felt it's foolish, yes it's a crazy thing. How can I entrust myself to people who cannot give me any assurance at all!

I went home and settled everything with God. I remembered all the stories of healing and miracles in the Bible. How Jesus healed the woman with an issue of blood for twelve years, how He healed the blind man, and how He raised Lazarus back to life, and a lot lot more of miracles done in the Bible. So I reckoned with God that no one will touch my eye but Him alone, for I believe that the God in the Bible who performed those miracles is still the God that I believe today. He is the surest Doctor I could run to without a doubt.  I entrust myself to Him, even my dreams. If it's His will for me to finish what I have started, then It shall be done, if not, then it's okay, for as long as my faith in Him is still intact no matter what. I pleaded to Him to let me pass the test, if He's just testing me. After I wrestled with God, I felt peace that surpasses all  understanding. I felt better.

The next day, the school director asked me how am I doing, also our office head. They asked me when will I go back to the doctor, but I told them everything I discussed with God. They too are at peace with it, so they did not force me to see the doctor again.

These things happened to me last December 2018. Today, by the grace of God, I can still write. I'm on my way of making my thesis, developing a textbook, and creating a thematic curriculum, and lesson plans for the next school year for grades 1 to 6. I know it's gonna be a tough year for me. but I believe that my God will enable me to bring into reality all the vision He gave me. Though it was shaken, but if it's Him who planted it, I know it will grow and stand firm forever! Glory to God great things He has done!