Trickles of Turmoil

The muddy, murky waters.
Unclear.
Unable to make the connections
To the bottom.
To be able to see the clear
Path, is…
Futile.

Without outside help,
The thick gloop stays
Matted.
All its ingredients,
Everything that makes it what it is,
Churning together.
Never lessening,
Always gaining more confusion,
The further down its length.

As it thickens,
The debris floating
Becomes tangled.
Making the concoction
Thicker, and more
Repugnant.

It takes away all meaning of
Water.
Changing it into
Just
A befuddled,
Mass.

When does this water clear?
How can it be changed?
Where will all the rubbish go?
Can you ever find an answer?

Maybe?

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

"It takes away all meaning of
Water.
Changing it into
Just
A befuddled,
Mass. "


i do find that some of your work would be more powerful if you restrained from ending them with questions.. only because you place too much of the answer into the reader's hands, rather than giving them glimpses of truth, as you do in the paragraph i quotes above.

i really liked this. water is indeed... malleable :) (good word)

hugs

[Barry Simiana]

depending on what day you read it it's about the environment, or internal turmoil, a mental breakdown, amybe all of the above. at each reading it gave me so many images. maybe this is a silly one, but the one in the movie BIG FISH where the father is slipping under water deeper and deeper then changes into a fish comes to mind. dunno why. there is also some sort of constriction there, a feeling of being caught in something congealing or thickening in some way, like censorship constriction thought, or personal views, as well as those mentioned earlier.
very well though and executed.

[Natase J. Hopkins]

beautiful strung...I love your point of view. Very appeal and heart felt. Easily relatable.

[Jeremy R. Lopez]

Your story is just like thinking about how life works. So unknown, and distant. You dont know what will come of it, even though it may feel it is only getting worst and worst by the minute. You poem is versital, great job. It makes the reader think. ^_^

[Manic{poor}minotaur]

for me no, this is a great parallelism to life, very different point of view, new i like alot


this is different from you i like your old stuff and if this is your new stuff i like this alot better

(for lack of better words)

[Cdnsurfer]

Ha! This is damn good, Gillzy! I'm really impressed. I would recommend you read Margaret Atwood's poem, "This is a Photograph of Me" or her first novel, "Surfacing". Water as lens of life. Simply wonderful, Gillzy! Really. I wouldn't change a thing here. Well done!

[Jack Frost]

wow, absolutly loved it ;P