Admired from afar

As I play over

the images in my mind,

I hear you laugh,

I see your perfect smile..

The whole time I've known you,

it's always been like this,

admiring you from afar,

just wanting another glimpse.

Sometimes I wonder

if you might care about me,

but I'm just a child to you

because of my immaturity.

Who do you hold dear?

It's anyone but me..

I apologize for being blunt,

but I thought you kept better company...

Sorry.

Reviews

[Aethereal]

I think that you composed this poem in a very sensible way. Poems and songs about admiring someone from afar are not new. One of the best know songs would be that old classic "Ballerina" where a secret lover in the second row admires the girl who the Art of the Dance has taken from him. "Dance ballerina dance ... loves gone ballerina gone..." and so forth. What is getting in the way of this relationship? How powerful is this distraction? It's a tug-o-war!

[Gianna Y]

Thanks for reviewing my poem, I am honored!

[Aethereal]

You're welcomed! Your poem has a good theme, and it's logically presented. None of its words are forced. I'd add more to it, and make a rhyming song poem out of it if I was writing it.

[Gianna Y]

Yeah, I was thinking I should make it into a song someday. I'm not bragging, but I can sing pretty well. Maybe you could write me a song to sing someday? :D

[Aethereal]

When I write a song from one of your poem, I'll give it to you. I'll contact you when I do. Most of my poems are song-poems. As an example, I just read your poem Lost, and was inspire to write your first verse as a tiny song: You may have this song-poem as a gift. all I did was rearrange your own words: Sing along:

Lost

I walk down the street
though it’s freezing cold.
Asphalt cuts my feet.
I’ve no one to hold.

[Gianna Y]

OH MY GOD I LOVE IT, YOU'RE A GENIUS

[Aethereal]

It's not genius, but rather technique. All you need to do is use meter and exact overlapping rhyme. I've been trying to tell other poets this for years, but they just don't seem to understand me. Take a look at my poems and you'll what I've done.

[Gianna Y]

Oh, haha, well I guess I don't have the right technique then!

[Aethereal]

That's right! You’ve done most of the work already. All you need to do now is go over what you've done, and then apply classical techniques. Most poets today are afraid of classical techniques because of a few famous rogue poets who have refused to use them. All those rogue poets did was create their signature style of poetry. It's not a good idea to try to copy some other poet's signature style. Just stick with what works for all poets, the classical techniques.

[Gianna Y]

Hmm.. I'll try to use that.

[Gianna Y]

But I seriously would never have thought to switch around the words like that to fix the rhythm, so thank you for that! :)

[Aethereal]

All of what you need to know is free on the web. Just do some research. Good luck!

[Aethereal]

Necessity is the mother of invention! Here the necessity is to achieve the Classical style. Remember never to force a rhyme, and try to use exact rhymes. As you do more and more of these your brain will set up new neural pathways that will help you do more of the same in the future. You must train your brain. The brain is always growing if you are using it. Your IQ shall increase over time! You had to train your brain in order to walk as a child.

[Gianna Y]

Indeed, thank you for all of your very helpful pointers! I will try to get ahold of the Classical style and use it more often.

[Aethereal]

The more you use it the easier it get to use. Also get yourself a good rhyming dictionary from Amazon. Amazon also has books on the Classical style.

[zainul]

A heartfelt splendid work.

[Gianna Y]

I only wrote this last night off the top of my head, but it was directly from the heart, so it came out better than I expected. Thank you for your great review, it's always appreciated.

[zainul]

I am very glad that you expressed your feelings so eloquently.

[Gianna Y]

I'm just glad I got it out of my system! Haha

[zainul]

Thats a great breakthrough indeed.