Dead Memory

Dead memory to you getting out pain.

Dead memory.

If I was dead inside
would you miss my warm
Happy loving heart?

If I was a desolate
Island of nothingness
would you
appreciated me
and miss me than.

If I died today would
you even care
or shed a tear or would
you be a poker face
without any feeling
or emotion
upon your face.

Days I feel accused
of things I didn't do
if it wasn't deliberate
you think so and you
end up hurting me,

So it's only normal for
my tone to sound different
your heart needs God's
water and refuge but that's
pushed away when
you see only
your pain and
assume I don't see yours.

I feel like a rag
doll some days
unappreciated
tired from all I
have to do so why do
you think you're
treated as you are it's
not always about you.

I'd be a dead forgotten
memory to you if it's
just about you
do you see or
understand my pain,

When I cry do you
cry when there's sorrow
inside me do you cry are
you so sensitive that
you feel or cry
others tears or
cry when one is
and don't know
why...

Same
with pain no you don't get
my overwhelming
feeling and
you never will.

There's destitute
in sadness a desolate
Dead desert you cause
my pain
and depression
and I don't
want to feel it,

Do you even
care that you shoot
out the light
and make me sad?

If I died today would
you even care
or shed a tear or would
you be a poker face
without any feeling
or emotion
upon your face.

I lay Here and look up
at the stars and push
away any negative thought
or hurt I feel it isn't me.

Unless you say different
to me I'm just a dead memory
upon a desolate Island
is all I am.

Am I anything
else to you do you
appreciate me at all
sometimes
I don't think so,

So if I was
gone and dead
you wouldn't
have no one
to get offended
at or accuse
things of just
a dead memory.

© Benita-Staebell-McCartney

Author's Note

Feel much better that
I got this
out of me off my chest
I was going to explode if I didn't.

Written May 26, 2015

Reviews

[closed]

this is a good poem about differences in perception
say between two people in a relationship

one may see one way, while the other another way
about the struggle to find that gray area where both see eye to eye

I enjoyed this write

I found it intriguing


-Dream

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

tes Ago
My Husband has Cerebral palsy
and can be very negative at times I'm
very Sensitive to negativity and I cry when others cry I cry when they have inner sorrow so I'm sensitive to their pain and cry for no reason been with me since I was a little girl. Thank you for your kind review and comments they're appreciated. God bless. Benita

[closed]

you're welcome
it's okay to be sensitive

it helps us understand others better

[Great Aunt Astri]

A heart felt pouring out of emotion. No wonder you felt better for getting that off your chest. I too felt better after reading it ... I could identify! Well done

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

My Husband has Cerebral palsy
and can be very negative at times I'm
very Sensitive to negativity and I cry when others cry I cry when they have inner sorrow so I'm sensitive to their pain and cry for no reason been with me since I was a little girl. Thank you for your kind review and comments they're appreciated. God bless. Benita

[Great Aunt Astri]

Keep writing, Benita, it can be quite therapeutic.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Yes it is I've been writing since I was 7
years old I'm 36 years old now thank you :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it is so sad that someone has to suffer this kind of mental and emotional abuse and withdrawal...but a good question?
will you finally appreciate me when i'm gone?

wish you had treated me differently?

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Yes just how I feel a lot of
times at home it's a battle with a Cerebral palsy spouse thank you for your kind review and comments they're appreciated. God bless. Benita

[Jamestown]

This is an emotional piece that says much to do with not feeling
appreciated or even transparent at times:( The wording paints a
clear picture of the hurt and frustration your going through, I pray
things turn around for you my friend, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you for your kind review
and comments they're appreciated I hope they do too
keep me in your prayers. God bless. Benita