Paint my Red Bleeding Heart

I am Venting Do you Hear my BLEEDING HEART hear it in pain SCREAMIG OUT. New poem written Jun 21,2014 Do you Hear that MELANCHOLY SINGING a Tune.

Paint the words red

pain of choice.

My screaming Heart

in anguish maybe  all

I have to say,

It's  been ripped out

of my chest would you

like to see my bleeding pain.

Romance isn't a thought  or feeling

in me too  many things happening in

my own life.

If Romance doesn't play with

my museful Heart and it plays

with my pain don't blame me 

not my fault.

Paint my tears blue with sorrow 

they have lost their way  to my 

cheeks and put the ache they feel

in my   Heart.

If romance is never a muse

to me again it may surely

kill me.

But if  agony  is my new

muse will you still love me?

Not sure I will be

the same but I must  vent

and let it all go.

I'm like a sad violin playing

and no one hears it's music

or understands.

Know me love me or hate me

won't make me cry if you

Hate me I will love you

even more  no matter how much

it hurts me.

paint me with red words

of choice a Screaming

Bleeding Heart.

If I stop loving  I will

die of a broken Heart

would it matter if I was

gone and no one saw me again.

My ache screams  like a

echo that won't stop.

Paint my red bleeding Heart

broken promises of your words

play like a shattered record in

my memory.

Did you lie when there

was love in your words

will you ever be the person

I once knew.

So if I stopped loving would

you see your selfish ways maybe not

you can't  see it even when I love you.

I feel all you tell me is lies

and say you're better when

you have not changed.

It  bleeds like a stabbing knife

it hurts to love you.

So paint my red bleeding Heart

do you see it you've shot my beating

soul.

Oh tell me it will be alright

that won't even make the hurt stop.

Where are you DADDY when will

you came back to me,

When will the LIES stop

when will  the PAIN STOP.

Can I stop loving then if

I die of a Broken Heart

will be no more pain.

Would you miss me

too much if I  was gone.

It hurts too much  to love

no matter who it is  I always  feel

this great pain the cross to bare of a

hopeless romantic.

Where has the Romantic Heart

gone it hurts too much to

love if you ask so it may not

be me.

My words maybe sorrow

and Melancholy with a

bleeding Heart.

My wounds will heal

but it feels as if  poisonous

toxic

salt has been poured upon

them so they're healing again.

There is a gaping hold of

agony that's  been spit into

these words and my Heart.

Cleaning  and licking my wounds

so don't try  it will only worsen

the blow I've felt.

Paint my bleeding Heart red

as it  spills upon the ground before

your feet in a pool of blood.

Copyright Kindred poet/Benita Staebell McCartney

Author's Note

This was the Pain with my Daddy he called me and I spoke to my Grandmother his mom today and she told me the reason he didn't cuss at me on the phone and he behaved is she told him don't you try doing any of the cussing or fowl Language on the phone to your Daughter She will hang up on you if you do and my Dad is lost he is so far gone he doesn't know it I don't know if he still drinks but he smokes and he thinks I am way too religious so if he doesn't want to change may take longer for prayers to be answered and I been crying so much if he tells me he's stopped drinking I don't Believe him any more he has lied about that so much every time I think of him I go into tear I was over this but I know he isn't getting better but I keep praying and keep hope but I am in Pin right now I am so angry at him for being so Selfish and I don't usually get angry but this is pain and he has done this not my whole life but when he went down hill and my Dad wasn't himself anymore I started slowly loosing him so after he was caught in the sin of Addiction Drinking he was gone so I have been used to it but you get Tired of it after a while. and Drama of life and so much Drama on here so when
I am here I have music in my ears to shut out the craziness. this isn't directed To no one on here writing makes my drama go away then I am dealing with My friends Mother being sick with cancer.

Bryan Ingram - Bring me peace

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

Kindred...this is so heart wrenching...hurts to read but so compelling...
captivating imagery of one's heart bleeding...And tears falling...
unfortunately, I'm unable to view the video/song...but very lyrical.
every fluid line reminds me of teardrop falling.

To say I can relate is an understatement...this sounds like my real
father, his treatment of me. amazing write...you've got a gifted pen!
I'm terribly sorry for the ordeal you're going through! stay strong
like I know you are and keep writing this all out! :)

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[ms. barrie]

You're very welcome, Kindred...My father never accept me for me
cause I was always different...And I refused to accept his second wife
as my real mother.

Yes I have several writes that I penned while crying. one is
shadows and light. And always dear, hang in there!!! :))

[Jibey]

An ear-piercing cry of the heart, expressing the hurt, pain and confusion of an abusive father's treatment of his daughter. Bleeding is such a powerful word and I hope there was some relief in releasing your feelings in this way...

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

There's was at the time yes
but I still cry because of how
lost he is and it's heart breaking
that he seems like a different
person a stranger and there's
times I don't recognize him
because he's in a different world.

[Jibey]

How hard it is to feel an unbridgeable gulf between yourself and a person who is naturally close... but not, somehow. How great is the gulf, how profound the ache in the soul.

[Jennie Baron]

Wow, such pain comes through. I can tell you were going through something bad. Hope everything is better since then.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Things are fine this was about my father at the time he is very sick he's an alcoholic I was Venting at the time when I wrote this it really helps I can't Suppress my feelings all bottled up at a time my dad was a great father than Alcohol pulled him down so I have had to deal with it most of my life after I grew up took me years to heal and forgive him forgive myself and ask god to forgive me for blaming myself for something that was never my fault but I forgave him I am very forgiving thankfully God's love is in my heart I will love someone that just hates me not much offends me much I have been thrown around so much bythe world I have a stronger heart I am Tender hearted that's why this happened I pray for him everyday I love him so much at times it hurts that's how it is for me but I don't allow ones to step all over me and use me or take advantage of my kindness anymore I had to see the good from the bad and who really cared and didn't I have been taught what real love is and forgiving is real love no hate no vengeances no revenge as it solves nothing just makes you feel bad but I've never done it before I feel better when I put a smile on someones face when I am in pain silly really but I love blessing others I do it for them not myself and I do it to show them that God loves them :) but I am a tough Cookie like my Momma she's from Texas. Your review and comments are appreciated Thank you again. :) Benita

[Jennie Baron]

And thanks to you for sharing your story. You were going through a lot at the time.

[Bluefire]

"If romance is never a muse
to me again it may surely
kill me.
But if agony is my new
muse will you still love me?"
~*~
"If I stop loving I will
die of a broken Heart
would it matter if I was
gone and no one saw me again."
~*~
This is both horribly sad and brilliantly worded at the same time.
I can relate to this, my father is a bit like yours. It hurts to love him.
Well played. ^^

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

See I never knew that. Thank you for your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[Bluefire]

You're welcome. ^^

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is such a deeply emotional poem… damn it really tugs at my heart strings…
this part in particular hit me

I'm like a sad violin playing
and no one hears it's music
or understands.

I is true you feel like no one knows what you are going through.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I am doing a little better today Thank you. The Venting really helps I can't Suppress my feelings all bottled up and I would never hurt myself I am not like that it is my pain plain in simply, Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me yesterday then I started crying and I just wasn't able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are very welcome my friend

[Sami Khalil]

Touching, eyes-tearing and testament to the human condition. Thank you for sharing...:).............

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I am doing a little better today Thank you. The Venting really helps I can't Suppress my feelings all bottled up and I would never hurt myself I am not like that it is my pain plain in simply, Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me hard today and started crying and I just have not been able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. Blessings. You are welcome...:).....................

[MsJewel]

Your words are filled with so much pain..they truly are haunting. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I hope writing about it has given you some peace and serenity.

Abuse comes in so many different forms...It leaves me wondering if the abuser truly knows or understands the pain they have caused. Perhaps one day your father will read your words...They need to be read.

My heart goes out to you.
Hugs, Julie

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

The Venting really helps I can't Suppress my feelings all bottled up and I would never hurt myself I am not like that it is my pain plain in simply, Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me hard today and started crying and I just have not been able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, that kind of abuse... so tough, even if he is too far gone to realize he is doing it.

this poem is very sad, and your use of color really works...

and sometimes it does happen....we just have no place left in our muse to write about love...
it's all just pain...and it has to be written out...
you purge pain here, but with a poem that many can relate to with their own situations that are similar.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

The Venting really helps I can't Suppress my feelings all bottled up and I would never hurt myself I am not like that it is my pain plain in simply, Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me hard today and started crying and I just have not been able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[Im His Daughter]

Benita, I am praying for you... If you need prayer let me know & I can ask my friends to pray for you specifically.. al you have to do is ask hun.. Send me a status on fb asking for what you need & I will share it with my own message for my friends. Love you & I am praying for peace in your heart & for your dad to meet Jesus & receive his salvation.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you Sis Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me hard today and started crying and I just have not been able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet

[Im His Daughter]

It's notatter of loving the pain writing Benita, it's about you that matters. I don't like to see you in this much pain. I understand tho it is venting, I have done it too but for me it;s the heart that matters & I just hte seeing you so upset like this. You should try some Christian councilling hun at Church. That will help you manage his destruction better. However remember YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS DESTRUCTION IN YOUR LIFE! Keep praying for Dad, I know God will hep him, he just had something happen to him that he can't seem to forgive himself or someone else for.

[Im His Daughter]

it's not a matter of loving the pain i meant ....

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I will be fine I am not one to Suppress my feelings inside letting it go helps me more then anything I am not crazy about counselling.

[Im His Daughter]

I know let the pain out but to deal with it is an option. Who better than someone at Church, I will continue to pray hun.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you I have gone though this once before when I was younger and it was worst so if I get though it I have already Endured it. and I am not someone that will hurt myself sis so please don't worry it is me letting go of my pain.

[Im His Daughter]

oh i know you would never hurt yourself :) I am just talking from letting the venting part out through another source too. a controlled person helping you is all.. just pray about it & see what God is wanting you to do.. it's easy for our minds to tell us what we think we should do but he always knows more & better than us.. :) love you sis ...

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you I will see what they say at church but I only talk to nanny about it and many of them know but I can't accept the way he is I am to a point if he doesn't want to change he won't be in heaven that is what I am afraid of Daddy was the first word I said as a baby :/

[00000000000000000000000..]

The write was very much in depth, Your note was even deeper. I know the true voice of an alcoholic because I was one and they don't care have no feeling regret or thought, it doesn't matter who says we love you they push it all away. I hate your going through all that and everything that's going on, but you have my prayers.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you Just Reality getting to me and I pray for him but it just hit me hard today and started crying and I just have not been able to stop crying. Just a lot for me to handle the venting really helps even though I still cry:) am glad that you liked it well I was crying the whole time when I was writing this.

Thank you for the support and your kind review and comment. I really appreciate it. Blessings. kindred poet