My world everyday(no one understands me)

New poem this is about me and you will understand what goes on in my head when I write and what I went through most of my life no one has ever understood me written 14,2014 Monday

I wake up and feel most time's  only God

and poet's and writers and one's that are ADD

and ADHA understand me,

But if you're in the middle

of so much noisy  sounds

in a store or a waiting room..

This is what my mind is  like

when I am stressed, so through

the years god has helped me to

turn that off  where I hear no one's

thoughts or these loud sounds.

I will say it isn't easy  so I

couldn't do this without God.

Most days when my emotions

are not balanced I want to scream

and YELL at the air,

My Challenge is controlling

the flow of my thoughts.

I have my good days

and bad days,

So many treated me

like I was stupid  because

they thought I was, because

I was ADD many didn't even

know I was.

My mother knew I was smart

just some things I struggled

with  like we all do and

go through this in life.

Many treated me like

I was special like I

couldn't live on my own

so it stays in my mind.

My creative side is from

my mother I always  saw

the beauty in others when

the world didn't.

That was god always showing

me ones that struggled like I

did to.

People made fun of me

because they  were  blind

they saw only  with their

human senses.

I was the ugly duckling

but we know that the

ugly duckling  was a

beautiful swan.

So when you feel ugly

you think of that story

and the swan it is my

favorite story.

You will grow and spread

your wings  don't be in a

rush to  grow up little swans.

God doesn't  give everyone

eyes to  of beauty  it is a gift

 to me it is the soul.

So just focus on that soft

flowing brook of water  imagine

you're walking through it with

Jesus and that is your mind.

If you can't  you need

a break from the loud

noise in life in the world,

Take  time  everyday  with

god chat with him give your

time to the LORD..

You will be amazed at what

he does to your mind  praying

and reading scripture  also quiets

the mind.

The devil can put so much

junk into your mind if you

let him so  fill it  with

scripture  and good things.

This  was and is

my world everyday.

See I don't like attention

to much overwhelms me.

I suffered from anxiety

and me feeling overwhelmed

was the anxiety I just didn't

like big crowds,

I can balance it a little

better now I am sensitive

to so much and felt so much

from others  it just hit me all

at once.

This is me  I hope this helps

others  that struggle to.

It is better to be unique

and not be accepted or

understood by the world.

God understands me some

friends and family understands me

we have all been through pain.

Woodchips were thrown at me

in Elementary school by 2 other

children,

There was a friend for life

she would chase these children

off and beat them up.

 

We are still friends she understood

me and she still does it is rare that

anyone  ever understands me.

I moved away and then came

back at 18teen found her again

we first became friends in math

class that's where I saw her  she

looked at me  like she knew who

I was as if we knew  each other

as friends.

My world everyday  now I  know

people don't even know I am

ADD it is different as a adult,

You have more control and understand

what is going on and happening to you.

As a child  you don't understand some

things  you can't control  or why people

are cruel.

I understand now  

even  myself more now

and why everything seemed

to be all not making sense,

And billions and millions of

thoughts going through 

my head.

Having any ADHA or ADD

makes you want to better

yourself but you see clearer

and see things that a normal

person  wouldn't,

It is like we were

born with sight then

one's are born blind

their sense's are more heightened

then a person  that can see.

But I am not a normal person

that see's I see beauty in places

that one's will see ugliness.

Now I don't see beauty in evil

but I am not spiritually blind

as some sight seeing people

are and never have

had the veil taken away

from their eyes.

They see a sunset I see

something much more.

Copyright Kindred poet/ Benita Staebell McCartney  

   

Author's Note

New poem this is about me and you will understand what goes on in my head when I write and what I went through most of my life no one has ever understood me written 14,2014 Monday. As a Child I was born with ADD so many treated me different wasn't always right but it made me stronger. The photo is mine I am the nerd hold my baby nephew that's 22 or 23 years old now a adult my friend Rania the tinny one on my right no longer alive we lost her at 28 years old it was hard and Sonya my friend on my left . even as I share this Truth with you about my deepest part of me sometimes I feel only Jesus at times can understand me even when I am at my Worst times in life. I hope you like we all are Beautifully broken at one point in time In our lives. Jenny would chase down the children and beat them up but nothing bad but she got in trouble don't think she cared and stupid teacher didn't really see what was going on and Jenny was younger then me in a lower grade and I was a shy quiet harmless child never hurt no one. with ADHD or ADD it is hard for us to focus at times and we tend to space off it doesn't Define me but It is something I was born with and will be with me until I die.

No One Understands Like Jesus - Jeramy Martinez.mp4

Reviews

[s y e]

You always touch me with your Benita. It does not matter the topic you touch my heart. The picture is very sweet. You're a beautiful woman. Humans can be vile creatures, we all seem to have labels even if we don't know it but most of the time we just get on with it... You're a great, strong inspiration to many. Well done on this!

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you for your kind words and review and comments they're appreciated.
glad you liked it, I agree it is a little easier now that I am older but at times I still am Overwhelmed by Crowds and get an Anxiety in Hospitals so I am quiet at times I don't like them because I had to stay in one for a long time like to test me to see what I had I was very young at the time no one knew I was ADD so no one put me on meds my mother didn't allow that but they had to wake me in the middle of the night and take my blood and I did schooling while there but that was the only fun part the rest was horrible so I hate hospitals but I have to pray in my mind and thoughts as I get an anxiety feeling like I feel I am choking and I don't tell many I have it as some are kind like me and teart me well then there is some that think it effects everyone the same and treat you special like you don't understand and feel sorry for you I don't need meds I control it just fine but my mother raised us well so no matter what someone has I won't treat them any different treat other as you want to be treated I've learned so if they disrespect me they don't earn my respect I won't be mean but god said not to be a respecter of persons god isn't he doesn't play favorites so my mother raised me and my siblings to where respect is earned if one shows it I'll show it back but I don't have much of a problem with it I don't let others step all over me and I show a humble and loving spirit :) I am glad it touched your heart thank you. Benita

[Bright Ocean Star]

Kindred heart. You are a sensitive soul. I'm sorry you were/are misunderstood. We are all human and no one is the same. The whole world is a bell curve, and if you know anything about bell curves, the majority of people make up the fat middle, but there are still lots of people that don't fall into that 'norm' and make up the tails. No one is better than anyone else, though. We are all different. Some people are book smart, but don't have any common sense. Other people are wildly creative and wonderful artists, but can't balance a checkbook. I know some fascinating genius level people with incredible intellects, but they have no people or social skills. We are a messed up population of misfits and we all need to practice showing love for one another instead of bullying and hating on each other. God is an amazing power of light and good and love. I'm so happy you found Him and love Him, and He loves you, too. You have a special connection that is a rare treasure. Hold onto that and don't worry what other people think. They are gits if they hurt you or make you feel less than special. God bless you, little friend. This was a deeply heart felt piece and thank you for sharing it with us....:)

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you for your kind words and review and comments they're appreciated.
I've seen other share a bit of themselves with others and I thought I would share some of myself with others I am horrible at balancing a check book but can write checks my husband balance the check book :) what he can't do I do and what I can't he helps with too I try be comfortable with it and don't allow others to dysected me it isn't a mental illness to me I have known ones to have it worst then I do so I feel blessed in that, that I can control it without meds. and I know there is ones that have things worst then this and can't function in the world at all so I am blessed my Mother has ADD and so does my Sister and Brother and my Nephew Dylan he just turned 18teen Oct. 14th he has it also he takes meds to help him Focus he has issue with that but he is a smart young man he works and has his own car so he drives I am very proud of him but it is hereditary it runs in my family. and you're right this is past things that have happened and some don't understand me but I ignore people that are this way now a days and no one can see that I have it as I have it controlled so does my sister mom and brother but we can be scattered brained when were not balanced with our thoughts my mom is that way if she is stressed and I thought I was the only one and I felt loved when my siblings opened up to me and didn't feel like I was so different in some ways :) but I understand ones that have disabilities and other things I see them as beautiful and not different because of how I was treated and how my mother raised me to love with my heart and not with what I see to have more value and understand ones in pain and to respect my Elders from being around her patience's many of them loved me :) Thank you blessings. Benita

[Alfred Kukitz]

Here you are unfolding like the poem you were meant to be. Your focus may be hard but seeing the beauty is akin to a real focus on the nature of things. Brave Women, Brave Girl, Brave Poet you are all these and more to us here at the Cafe. Bless you child!

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you for your kind words and review and comments they're appreciated. not sure on the child part but thank you I try be comfortable with it and don't allow others to dysected me it isn't a mental illness to me I have known ones to have it worst then I do so I feel blessed in that, that I can control it without meds. Thank you. Take care Benita

[Alfred Kukitz]

I was speaking to the child within you.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

well I just mean accepting what I have but thank you. :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A beautiful and descriptive piece that envelops ones self perfectly bravo

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

I appreciate your review and comments very kind of you to say. glad you liked it. Blessings. Benita

[Pryde Foltz]

A very personal and beautiful write, Benita. As humans we tend to label anything that is different as wrong or bad … unfortunately that is human nature … but we can go beyond this and see that we are all connected and there is beauty in most things; you just have to know how to see it, nurture it, and let it grow.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

very different as an Adult then a child dealing with this my friend was much more difficult to do things as a child and many look at as not normal but no one can look at me and tell that I have ADD I can control it well :) I deal with it a little better now my friend I have my good and bad days we all do. I appreciate your review and comments very kind of you to say. Blessings. Benita

[Matching Socks]

I'm not familiar with ADHA, I have to admit I have never heard of it.
But I know that having a mental illness such as ADD or ADHD is a very difficult thing to live with.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

ADHA is Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder where as mine is different but still have problems focusing and staying on task and balancing my thoughts different when your an Adult thankfully I don't need medication I can control fairly well my mother had to change some of my food diets couldn't eat lot of dye foods and or too much sugar sodas made me quiet Hyper from the sugar but I was a good child other than that my mom always said I was a well behaved child and we all are a bit of a handful now in then :) I was looking this up very interesting :) ADHD is diagnosed approximately three times more in boys than in girls.The condition can be difficult to tell apart from other disorders as well as that of high normal activity. I have ADD which is attention deficit disorder and would be someone that doesn't pay attention dreaminess spaces off having part of their attention somewhere else gets board very easily but there is many ADD writers so they can be very smart as well but I am told it is hereditary runs in my family my siblings have it but you can even notice I have it that maybe way I am not crazy about crowds I get overwhelmed by too much attention not sure on that one really and we can be slow learners that's one reason I was though of as Stupid it gets easier older you get sometimes but I ignore it and just act normal as others do :) I read a lot of books and I am a sponge for Knowledge but most times ones I learn something I won't for get and I have a good memory with some things stress and other things cause us to forget many say ADD children forget they can but if you Train your brain to remember write it down and when I do worry or stress keeps me from being a scatter brain and that is my Mother she loses her keys and everything we know mom like a open book LOL... but you learn to live with things and ignore the rude people in the world I Just don't talk about it too much I have to of been somewhere and know where to go not to get lost and I am noticing no one sees these Disorders any more so I am a normal person if I ask for help. Most with ADD have a short attention span but truthfully many can control it so well most don't notice it and no one does in me now a days I am like any other average person but I am patient and polite and friendly :) No problem I never Understood ADD a long time ago until I started understanding myself and stop fighting it and things don't bother me much anymore different when were children I guess I wasn't normal I was looked at as special and hopefully no one sees me as special any more special like special not as in I care for you special I think you get what I'm saying and Spelling not a strong point but English was my strong points in school so my attention goes and I miss a misspelled word now in then. I really appreciate your comments and reviews. hope you're having a blessed day. Benita

[Matching Socks]

Yes, I know exactly what it is. The brain falls into sleep patterns in environments where there is no active stimulation or change for longer than 15 minutes at a time. Difficult to manage and function with indeed, in school at home, at work. Medication helps... Blessings to you as well.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

non of us take meds my brother nor me or my sister we keep our mind active that's why ones have to do things to help with that . thank you.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

meant to say when I don't worry and get stressed my mind isn't scatter brained.

[Matching Socks]

It's not about keeping your minds active... But I'm glad it works for you.
These things you speak of are mental illness. Like any illness, it sometimes requires medication, other times can be managed without. There's no shame in medicating, but to suggest it's about keeping an active mind doesn't help to break down the stigma associated with ADHD and ADD. It's something I speak with some knowledge and experience of so I apologize if it seems I'm disagreeing with what you are saying. I won't pretend to understand your particular experiences but I do disagree with you making a blanket statement that it's about " why we have to keep our minds active"
Anyhow, I'm glad you are in a good frame of mind my dear. Cheers.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

some can Manage it and don't require Meds my mothers a nurse I understand what your say but we do have to keep active for most of us or the balance of the mind get difficult that is way I write at times and I know most that are worst then I am so I am thankful I have control over it but if you can't ones can either do meds or change their diet as my mother did that so I wasn't put on meds I am happy she didn't do that I was pretty hyper as a child but I wasn't ADHD I had a lot of energy so I would play to get rid of a lot of it but I am happy I still have energy but I am funny about the med thing some doctors care and some don't it is all about the money but I do understand some meds can help ones and some just doesn't help ones it does them harm we are all different :) you don't have to apologize no problem.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

as my Nephew needs it to focus he just spaces off and can't focus well and he is normal to me and that is all he has issues with some it can be worst he just turned 18teen Oct. 14th this month :)

[therisa]

Benita, I understand the struggle, which you face, on a daily basis, for I have severe learning disabilities, that impacts on all facets of my life. It would be so easy, to become bitter and hate filled. but the strength and determination of ourself, is that makes us, special, no one else can touch or take away, from us. So hold your head high, Benita, for you have, more than earn this praise.

[therisa]

Your welcome, Benita.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

With my mind it gets easier and I ignore so much and many treat me better when they see my heart they see the love, This was something I hade to share to let ones know more of me :) but this never stopped me from being a caring soul always have been turn one cheek and turn the other and my mother was against revenge I don't believe I've ever hated anyone but my mother was a blessing to all 3 of us I am the Baby of a older Sister and older brother but it showed me what real love was and wasn't but real love is Christ dying on the cross :) and I learned my caring ness from my mother she is a strong loving woman Gods love is in my heart that is the only way I can love someone that hurts me or even hates me but they were showing hate towards Jesus not me when we follow him it is him they hate I understand it more now I would go though it all over again if I had to it molded me into a better person but I never harmed no one but my mother put a stop to it long ago once she found out I do believe. she is a blessing God and our parents mold us as well and grandparents. thank your review and comments are appreciated. Blessings. Benita

[Eve Ola]

very impressive read indeed. somewhere I can relate too. we all have weakness and stregths. when the time is tough, only you can realize that how bitter it be. we just have to roll through these rough days and that part makes you more strong.
Thanks for sharing this amazing piece

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

thank you for your review and comments are appreciated. I am glad they helped my Tribulations in live is what made me stronger and who I am today I saw what love was and what it truly wasn't and in time learned what real beauty was. Blessings. Benita

[Bluefire]

"Now I don't see beauty in evil
but I am not spiritually blind
as some sight seeing people
are and never have
had the veil taken away
from their eyes.
They see a sunset I see
something much more."
~*~
This piece shares a bit of your life and heart, your soul and thoughts.
I do agree, no one understands us like the Lord. And it helps wonders when I go to Him when I'm sad, afraid or even angry.
Well done, by the way. ^^

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you I really appreciate it I am glad you like reading. Blessings. Kindred poet

[Bluefire]

No problem. ^^

[melissa]

This is amazing poem keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read i love reading them.

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

Thank you for your Kind words I appreciate it. Blessings. Kindred poet

[melissa]

Your welcome