Chapter 12

She really is pretty, I thought, and more than that, she is smarter than anyone I know...

As the days lead up to our anniversary, I think about planning something special just for the two of us. I wanted to make Laure something, as well as take her somewhere for to relax for the day. Making something was easy; I knew her well by now and knew that cooking a fancy lunch for her was the optimal choice. Going somewhere though... I wondered if we should get a drink together, but then I wondered if she would want to do something more chaste.

So instead, I decided to plan a vacation for her returning to London, where she visited previously to film a documentary.

I went online, booking the flight and making sure everything else was in place. She'd told me in advance that she'd be able to take more than a few days off for the occasion, which was really nice of her since I knew how busy she'd been since the start of the Autumn season. Seems like people became more demanding at times when seasons change, and it was clear that at times Laure would overwork herself. I'm not tired, she would say, just a little bit more. I have to get this done. But she would also collapse onto the bed directly following that, as if to demonstrate the irony of her previous words. So, this vacation was extremely important to get her some well-deserved rest away from the constant chaos of her workplace.

As I skim through webpages on my computer to plan our agenda for the vacation, Laure enters the room. I presume her to be looking for her phone, which I'm pretty sure she left on the kitchen table. But no, instead she walks towards me and looks over my shoulder. I can almost feel her suspicious gaze. Luckily though, I'd already changed the browser to make it look like I was reading a book online.

"If you're interested in reading that book, I could purchase it for you offline," she says before a slight hesitation.

"No, it's alright. I'm just taking a look at some different books to decide which to read. Haven't really settled yet."

"Oh okay. Well,..."

The atmosphere becomes awkward at once. Laure doesn't like to be refused, but I don't particularly excel at delivering white lies either. So to boost her confidence, I say something else instead.

"Uh, I am kind of cold right now. Could you buy me a new cardigan? I lost my previous one."

"Oh, you should have said so earlier," Laure wraps me tightly in a warm embrace, "here, have mine. I'm not cold right now."

She pulls off her sparkly white cardigan and puts it over me. It's clearly too large for me, but I don't complain. Accompanying the warmth of the cardigan is the faint smell of oranges and rose. The smell of Laure. I glance at her, and see that she is now in an oversized white t-shirt. She looks back at me.

"I'll get you one online immediately, love, this one's too big for you."

She doesn't even ask for my opinion on the style of the cardigan, but I guess it's just like her to assume what I would want. 

It's for the better, actually, to have her decide everything. Life is so much easier this way. I am always indecisive and lacking in confidence to go through with my ideas, but she is always so assertive. Plus, she knows me so well.

Later in the afternoon, Laure offers for us to go on a shopping spree. She figured we would get my cardigan way faster that way, and also she'd be able to get some clothes for herself too.

In my mind, I quietly wondered if we could also get matching outfits for our anniversary.

Today I let her plan everything. Today I let her take over. Today I let her be the boss of me and everything that happened.

We had so much fun.

I didn't have to think through a single thing, and we never got lost. She never made a single mistake about where to go for the best of everything. I honestly felt like I could rely on her, and it was a comfortable feeling. 

Some of my constant insecureness even began to fade away.

On the way back home, we pass a homeless man being beaten up by a large gang of grown men. We saw the homeless man's face twist in agony as he struggled against the gang, and I tried to rush forward to pull them apart, but I felt a sharp tugging.

"It's unsafe. You won't succeed by the looks of how they are going forth. You will just bring more chaos to the situation."

Laure wraps her arm around my neck and pulls me backwards, towards her. I feel teardrops forming in my eyes as I become emotional.

"Well we can't just stand here or leave like nothing is happening! These are people! They have their lives! That man's not even doing anything wrong to deserve that, why? Why? Why? Why does society have to be so unfair? We need to go and help!"

Laure's eyes gloss over for a moment before she straightens up and tugs me towards her, away, once more.

"For god's sake."

She sighs, and we head away into the distance.

I see her taking pictures with her phone; I see her dialing for the police.

I no longer feel any emotions of pity for the man, and no longer do I feel anger towards Laure. I am just ashamed of my outburst, ashamed of all the time I've wasted.

I need to come to terms with just how stupid I am, which is really a blow to the stomach because I've always thought logical thinking was my strong suit in the face of chaos.

But I guess it's not so bad that I'm stupid, because at least I have Laure by my side, forever, to guide my way through the darkness.