Chapter 7

They say loving someone is like wanting to be with them for eternity, those unchangeable feelings and rush of adrenaline every time. I don't agree with this view at all, and neither does Laure. She'd made things clear from the start:

"If you disturb my work, this is not gonna work."

I had nodded. Work, everything for Laure. For me, not so much. But I was afraid to let myself fall in love so easily as well.

"And..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not gonna promise eternity to you."

"..."

The telltale signs of the sun setting creep in from closed curtains, and, in the living room, I sit next to Laure on the couch. She seems uncomfortable today, almost jumpy, and I guess she had a good reason to be considering what I was going to do next.

"It won't hurt, I promise."

"I'm not worried about that, stupid. Just... what if we break up? Who knows how long eternity is."

"We're not going to. We'll remain together forever. What do you think isn't going to work out, hmm?"

Laure falters for a second and adjusts her clothes.

"Nothing in particular. But why do you want to do this so much anyways? It's crazy."

I stifle a laugh but do not reply her. Of course, it's obvious to myself. I can't let anyone know my secret, which is that I can only fall for women. Too many people have gone and broken my heart before, too many people with completely normal lives and no time to deal with a crazy queer girl. But now that Laure is mine, I will make sure it is forever.

Surely, one person of my own will make up for the multiple times my heart has been broken previously.

I draw out the thin blade from its covering and gesture towards Laure's pants. "Take them off."

She obliges, but reluctantly. I marvel at the beauty of her legs, melting in the realization that I will be the only one who ever gets to see them from here on. Then, I draw the blade lightly across the inside of her left thigh. A little droplet of blood is drawn, and the cut remains fresh pink. Laure's expression remains almost the same, but something in her demeanor suggests weakness. 

I carry on, prompted by this gesture.

Sometimes, secretly, I despise Laure for being so good at everything she does. Always so cold, so calm. I wanted to know what she would be like, weak and insecure. I wanted to make her feel that way, but I only wanted me to see it, and no one else.

I turned the blade around in my hand a little and edged it slowly into the newly formed cut, slicing off a large section of skin. The resulting wound gaped back at me, fresh blood leaking from the sides. This was more than enough blood for what we were going to do, but I couldn't help continuing. 

Laure's eyes welled with tears, but still she does not speak.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I didn't realize it would hurt this much. I won't do it again, I promise."

I reached across to soothe her hair, and in response she leaned on my shoulder carefully.

"Don't you worry, it's all over now. It's your turn."

I press the blade into the palm of her hand, and she turns to face me. I guess her heart must have been broken before too, because suddenly she seems extremely resolved to be getting somewhere. The wound she inflicts in geometrical, almost perfect in its alignment and symmetry.

I scoop up a little bit of blood from my wound.

Laure hesitates to do the same, so I reach over and pry the wound over a little, causing her to whimper softly in pain. She then gathers some blood too, and puts her finger in my mouth tentatively. I do the same.

We are now joined, for eternity.

It's not exactly what Laure wants, but... that's okay.

Someday, when she's tired of me, we can die together...

But for now I reach across to tuck her hair behind her ears. Gently, I lick her tears away, and we kiss, just a chaste kiss this time, but full of promises.I lean across the couch into her, and my legs are between her's.

Our blood mixes.