Chapter 1

My eyes close as the world around me unfurls. A girl next to me screams, "The teacher's gonna know you're not paying attention!" but I don't care anymore.

No, on second thought, I do care. I'm notorious for being a hardcore student, despite my horrible grades that even hard work isn't helping. But I can't. 

My attention shifts once more to the traumatizing events of this morning, and a pain-evoking sensation fills my stomach all over again. 

It had begun just like any other morning. Going through the usual motions, I worked hard and completed the first half of school. But just before I ran to get my lunch, I saw my crush Monique with her boyfriend. 

Here, I would like to point out that I am pansexual. If you don't know what that means, please search it up for yourself. My sexuality has been worrying me for very long, but there's nothing I can do to help the situation. All I've done is keep it to myself, considering my family would never understand and I had no friends to tell anyways. I had not been crushing on Monique for long, and the simple reason I liked her so much was her distinctive dressing style and confident posture. I had always imagined her to comfort me when I was shy, I definitely owed her one for being the first one to tell me what "self-love" was. 

And now here she was, laughing away with her boyfriend.

She's making me hate myself.

I wished I were just normal.

Sighing, I tried to hold myself together and deliberately erased the part of my memory that obsessed over her every move. 

From now on, I was determined only to love someone who also had the capability of loving me back.

If it were possible, I wanted to feel loved.