Murky waters

He was emotionally chipping away at me and had started to turn my friends against me. He then told me he'd cheated- my world collapsed. Then he said he had lied about this. It was all so sudden.

I was in a box
and wherever I had gone- for the previous week and three days- I remained within the centre of the box
The sides of the box were constructed of water and this didn't worry me at all
because the water never escaped from the sides
it never touched me at all, it was just swaying

around me in a box formation.
I remember a constant feel of panic within my chest
Like bees buzzing around my ribs.
A panic that would often sprint to the edge of my lips and hold them in a shaky smile
and project a laughter that splattered over the furniture and whoever I was with
(I knew they thought it was really ugly)

He hadn't messaged me for a week and three days.
August 26th, 01:23am:

The moment pricked my eyes with a message from him
Relief that he'd finally messaged me
I was so grateful that he'd finally messaged me
He'd finally messaged me
I was incredibly grateful

I
The sentences were unstable bridges and the gaps between them
Shark infested waters
His use of punctuation was acid
It evaporated then condensed on my skin
My heart
Helplessly hurling itself against the walls of my ribcage
My limbs went numb whilst all colours around me ran into each other
The trauma threw away the day
The sadness sent me into an instant sleep

Don't make me think about that next morning, just after I awoke
I'll never be in a stable enough position to think about it
The days after were all grey and dulled brown

There was no element of self inflicted emotional pain whatsoever
It was more
Than I'd ever felt or seen
Each and every night I saw him

tattooed onto the insides of my eyelids
Each and every day
Dragging my feet through a murky sea bed
My sodden socks
Walking through hurricanes
There was no home
There was no home

Until one day, about two and a half months later
He messaged me saying "what I said to you before didn't really happen btw"
oh

Reviews

[Stephen]

I could feel the emotion that went into writing this. The betrayal. I like your style and the message that was in this writing.

[Georgiana]

Thank you, I really appreciate this. Lovely to know you enjoy my style!