My favourite black

He was dressed in my favourite black
The b***h was lost, proud and in white
Her disciples helped her to lock me outside
With the ice and hunger of the winter's night.

Skin tight; her skin just covered
Stroke my snowflake skin with your sharp icicle fingers
Eugh: your smiles of blank capacious sky
My frost woven blood always lingers.

Your iris' strangle
The helpless hopeless tiny piece that is me
Or am I a wasp? I just wanted to lose her presence
He was the only thing that I could see.

The b***h was dressed in a dull bright white
He was dressed in my favourite black
The only thing worth being locked out for
Yet the only thing that I could lack

Author's Note

I would like to know if my writing is powerful. Please let me know whether you think it is powerful or you don't think it is powerful. Much appreciation.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

intriguing .. makes me think and ponder .. good stuff .. a woman in love and locked out .. can't get the smell of the other woman off him ... yes .. powerful indeed .. also really like this line:
"Stroke my snowflake skin with your sharp icicle fingers"
it did the same thing to me!! it hurts my skin .. like people touching you when you have a fever .. you want the healing touch but can't stand it!! .. also so like this one:
"Your iris' strangle"
my goodness .. a lovers gaze is supposed to be captivating and melts ones defenses .. what a fine fine line .. one i wish i thought of kind of thing .. i will try and follow your poetry best i can .. i hope you will keep posting ..
E.

[Georgiana]

Thank you! This means a lot to me. I'm so pleased you were able to interpret it like that! So pleased my writing has had an affect. I will definitely keep posting! Thanks again!

[SuspectGray]

If powerful means dark then yes. There is a relentless quality to your work...always driving forward. Enjoyed. ( : O )

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice poetry. I like the directness.
"The b***h was dressed in a dull bright white
He was dressed in my favourite black "
The above line was my favorite. Thank you for your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Cryingkate]

I always have trouble trying to understand some peoples writings when they write like this. I think it's called abstract? Unless I know or are familiar with the symbolism It is hard for me.

So with that said I get that some woman came in between you and your Man.
I think yes you are a powerful writer and have your own unique style.
Don't take this as fact but in my opinion if you could clarify a little more what your talking about , then I will really enjoy reading your writes even more.
I loose interest easy if I have to struggle to get what someones saying on a regular basis.

But many people grasp this kinda thing where I get lost on the first stanza.

[Georgiana]

Thank you for your review! Symbolism and abstraction are definitely themes/styles I enjoy using in my writing. I did deliberately write indirectly about the personal situation which this poem is based on and if it is not the style you enjoy, that is fair enough! Thank you for reading and reviewing though.

[Cryingkate]

I do enjoy it when I can understand it. I'm just not as fortunate to catch on most of the time like others can.
Good News though.. For not understanding the meaning of this one exactly, I still enjoyed the Music. You do have that special something that flows from your pen and an amazing strength that pours from your pen. I may not of heard the words to your song but I did feel the rythmn of your Soul.

[Georgiana]

Yeah I understand that. Oh thank you so much, you've really made me feel great! So lovely of you to leave such detailed, powerful and useful reviews.

[Cryingkate]

There are many who can do better then me, But I know talent and gifts and you have both. Enjoy Georgiana Others will come and confirm what I said.
Enjoy and keep writing. and Thanks for finding me :-)

[Gabrielle Linch]

I love the darkness to this and it is beautifully written. The line "Stroke my snowflake skin with your sharp icicle fingers" gives me chills down my spine. But "dull bright white" is an oxymoron, don't you think? And I think in that line instead of saying "The b***h was dressed in a dull bright white," I think you should take out the a because you never clarified what she is wearing. A what? A dress? A really nice blouse? Even though it is implied that she's wearing a dress and that this is most likely a wedding from the sound of it, some readers may not make the connection. I hope this advice is helpful but this piece is truly beautiful though.

[Georgiana]

Thank you so much! Very very helpful.

[John Byrd]

I would say this is pretty powerful and attention grabbing!

[Georgiana]

Aww thank you.