We burn away

The smooth sweet voice pours out of his mouth like syrup and into her ears.
Igniting into air that carries her to the clouds.
This world is no fun when spent walking with fears.
Sometimes, even, when she walks,
She feels as if she has the strength to never end.

These seconds pour off their skin acting as if they're simply human candles wasting away.
Cascading down across their skin, they continue to burn away.
Are you reading in between these lines?
My poems are constructed on the base of a few pretty words.
I wish you could only use the same logic with your life.
Can you see what's encompassing you?
We're all but men and women. Blinded.
I would prefer to die blinded by the light.
 

Author's Note

Written really quickly, so I apologize if there are any spelling errors. :)

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

I can empathize w/the reviewer below who thought the syrup phrase could be more succinct -- BUT your more languid version is spot-on nonetheless because "The smooth sweet voice pours out of his mouth like syrup and into her ears" SOUNDS like syrup! ;-)

And then your fine poem proceeds to "These seconds pour off their skin acting as if they're simply human candles wasting away." This core of "We burn away" has a Buddhic feel.

After your slow rhythm of syrup beginning, your poem quickly and subtly becomes more stark, succinct, segueing from the "burn away" and elucidation of the evanescence of the human condition to "I would prefer to die blinded by the light."

Spiritually, bone-wise, and exquisite.

[Wildecat]

I think you did a very nice job writing this poem, a pleasure to read your poetry.

[Hairy and Confused]

Very pretty. A few suggestions...

* I'm an obsessive summariser. Could The smooth sweet voice pours out of his mouth like syrup and into her ears. be condensed to His voice pours like syrup into her ears ? Says everything in less words :)

*There's a bit of confusion as to who is talking in this poem. Could you maybe clarify it, by maybe using the same person (either first or third) all the way through, or by using formatting eg. Italics for the first person bits. It would make it feel more solid, I think.