Lost...

 

I got up to get this sheet of paper… I kinda force myself to do so cause I don’t wanna write about it (idk if I rather talk bout it). It’s just that its gotten to the point were its sad to write about it. I don’t wanna write bout my constant battles with the world or myself. I feel that everything is foggy, the walls I build around myself are not helping me anymore… I feel lost in them… my sanctuary offers me nothing. 

                And then when I ask myself how does, that make me feel. It’s like I don’t even have an answer for that either… Do I feel nothing? Has one of my greatest wish come true? But no it couldn’t be, caz I do feel sad… Sad about many things and I just wish that this would go away, but it doesn’t. Why do these things haunt me? I’m their victim it enjoys my sadness. Enjoy it while it last id guess…

                I might be talking too broad but, idk what’s wrong. Idk anything, I’m like a little kid without her parent ready to cry. Where are you? I can’t find you. My sense of direction is gone maybe its never going to come back … Do I just forget about my parents and move along? I wish I could but its bothering me… I know that something is missing I just don’t know what. Before I had a hole and I still went on with my life perfectly. But my emptiness has grown, you can say it over rules me. Some people substitute their emptiness with boys or money F**k Boys, F**k the money. I just want it to go away…

                You know, some people make me forget that its there, but its no good caz ill remember again, when I feel it. How do you feel emptiness you may say? Its like something’s gone, you feel that there’s this hole inside and there’s nothing there. A chest without its treasure would it still be a chest? Am I still me? The things inside you make you who you are… Is this emptiness a part of me? Do I even want it to be a part of me?

                Maybe, I don’t but it is. Maybe its meant to be there to remind me that I’m not the same as everyone else. To remind me that this place, is not my place… And if I go away it will go away too =) or maybe its not suppose to, maybe I should just smile and laugh like I always do and just keep hoping it’ll go away. I felt it for almost four years now, what’s another four. Life isn’t fair I shouldn’t expect it to be any different with me…

Xoxoxo <3

Reviews

[Andrea A. Wentz]

When you look inside yourself, searching for something living hiding with in, but instead you only see a void of darkness. No end, and no beginning, no indication of depth, or duration. Nothing lives there, there is no heart, no blood, no hope, no dreams left. That is emptyness. I understand how that feels. Though I don't know what happened 4 years ago, I wanted you to know that others have felt that way before, let you know that strangers can care even if you are not asking for it. :)

Peace and Love to you hun,
Andrea