Spaghetti Sauce

Learning to grow up is hard when you have to do it on your own.

It was 8am and I had just finished getting ready for school like any other typical morning. My mom was sitting at the edge of the couch in the living room nervously sipping her morning coffee while passively watching the news. The room door was slightly opened where my brother was still asleep. I told my mom I was heading out but right before I could say see you later she stopped me.

     “I am leaving today at noon. My flight to Jordan is today. When you come back from school I won’t be here. Are you sure it is ok if I leave?” my mother asked anxiously.

I was 12 at the time. My father was abusive towards my mom and a cheater. My mom had spoken about leaving him at least a month before it happened. I had never experience anyone leaving me. Therefore, the concept of being left behind did not make sense in my mind. I could see the sadness in her eyes. I knew she was afraid to leave, but she couldn’t stay. So I smiled.

     “Yes it is ok, just be happy, but I need to go now or I am going to be late, mom.” I responded. Pretty pathetic. My mom was about to leave but all I cared about was being on time to school something that wouldn’t had cause such a huge impact tomorrow. I started walking down the hall towards the exit door right before I opened it my mother stopped me again.

     “Before you go come give me a hug. Who knows when it’ll be the next time we see each other,” she said gently.

     I stood by the door for a second while still holding on to the door knob. I hesitated but opened the door and left anyways.

     The day went by just like it usually does. I did not think of it while in class. I arrived home from school and my mother was really gone. She had left a lot of her belonging behind so a part of me felt like she was still there and she had just made a quick run to the supermarket. I proceeded to do what I would do every day. I stared my homework and then my brother arrived from school as well. At around 6pm my father arrived home. He called my brother and I to the kitchen and sat us down to tell us my mother had left and we just nodded at everything he spoke.

     “From now on you’ll be having dinner upstairs with your Aunt Sonia. If you guys are hungry go upstairs now,” my father mentioned as he ended his talk. It was like a stranger telling us the new rules rather than a father trying to console us. My father went straight to the couch to watch tv like he always would do after he arrived home. My brother went upstairs to eat but I didn’t feel like eating so just headed back to my room. The day seemed to grow longer and it just wouldn’t end. Eventually it turned to 8pm and I still hadn’t gone eat. My aunt came downstairs and brought me a plate of spaghetti. She places it on the counter and told me to eat it and I just said okay. She left and I went grab the plate of spaghetti she had brought. I took a bite and the tears started rolling down my face. The spaghetti sauce was thick and had huge chunks of tomato. I hate tomato. This spaghetti tasted nothing like my mothers. I put the plate down. I knew life was going to be different now. I no longer had anyone to count on. I now had to start doing things myself not just for me but for my brother as well. I stopped crying and continued to eat the spaghetti.