Silence and Words

He was the Master of Silence,

I, the Lady of Words;

He taught me much of listening;

hearing the unsaid.

 

He was content in silence

and never learned

the glory of words.

 

So, once I mastered Silence,

the Quiet grew too loud.

Until the drumming,

thrumming Nothing

stood between us like a wall.

 

,

While I had mastered Silence;

Silence had mastered him.

Trapping him forever,

in walls of howling silence;

a prison of his own making.

And the prisoner,

too fearful to escape.

Author's Note

HELP! What is wrong with this final stanza?

Reviews

[raining]

you probably don't want to hear good good poem good.

This effects and is about a relationship, he had no words, and you gave him nothing but what he couldnt deal with back (?)

maybe the too fearful to escape should come earlier in the poem? maybe in the third stanza....

[Marlena]

Well, in the second stanza (I think it was) you misspelled "silence". In the last one, there's a few things that just need tweaking, but nothing amazingly wrong with it. The word "silence" is redundant by the end of the poem, so try and find something else to fit that. It might be a little hard, but I'm sure you can do it. Also, since the last stanza is longer than the rest, it might FEEL off but isn't. Overall, I thought this was kind of cool. Good work :)

[Cheavel DeLuna]

Maybe if at the end you changed "in the walls of howling silence;" to "in the walls of howling nothing;"?? I dont really know, thats just my opinion, but i really like this, Silence really reminds me of my self at times.

[Poeticpiers]

I liked your theme.You started powerfully with you opening stanza but then you trailed off to a poor finale.
You present your thoughts in poetic prose or free form as you wish
I think that this theme is worthy of more thought and more discipline. May I suggest you employ a regular rhyme scheme and pay attention to meter.
I look forward to seeing the revised version
Perhaps as you master silence he is captured by words still leaving you on opposite sides