Strange Bedfellows

Halloween fun and games

STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

 

There was no moon the night Richard and his girl friend, with the unusual name of Charisma, took it upon themselves to sleep in the graveyard. It was dry but cold, which wasn’t a problem difficult to solve. The whole area was the oldest in the small town where they lived. The stonework of the church needed repairing but it was still in use. The graveyard was not the only place in town where the dead were laid to rest, as a crematorium had opened up some time before, which despatched the corpses much quicker and cleaner. Certainly an urn of ashes on a mantelpiece took up less space than a coffin in a tomb in the graveyard. Nevertheless, the ancient graveyard still held something mysterious and almost magical to the vast majority of the local population. Richard had taken his time in choosing the grave which they needed in order to carry out the dare their friends had set them.

Everything was in a navy-blue darkness as the two young people made their way from the entrance gate. The gravestones were not so easy to make out till you were almost on top of them. The paths between them were earth and stones, and the sound of their feet seemed too loud. Charisma was worried that a policeman or a neighbour might hear them walking round in the dark.

“This is the one. Look, it’s perfect. Don’t you think so?” Richard said to Charisma.

They had at last come to the grave in question. It was higher than most and flat, with the names written on the top.

“We shouldn’t catch cold on this one,” Richard spoke again.

“Let’s hope not. How long do we have to stay?” Charisma asked.

“Till dawn breaks, then we can go home,” Richard told her.

They put their rucksacks down on the ground and got out the groundsheet they normally used for camping. This they spread over the gravestone. That done, the next was a larger than average sleeping bag that was wrapped up in another groundsheet, which was placed over the already existing one. Both of them took off their shoes and placed them in the rucksacks, and slid down inside the sleeping bag. If it rained they had a small tent to cover them. Charisma got a thermos full of drinking chocolate, and biscuits, out of her rucksack. They sat up in the sleeping bag eating and drinking. Although neither of them said so, they were both a little apprehensive about the night ahead of them. They cuddled up and slid deep down inside the temporary bed and were soon sound asleep.

The church clock struck midnight. All was silent in the graveyard, but not still. From beneath the gravestone that Richard had decided to make the base for a bed that night, a long thin grey white figure glided out and stared down in amazement at Richard and Charisma asleep. The figure was that of Colonel Fergus Bull, who had been dead a hundred years long. The wraith was not at all happy. He stared around him and then saw some of the graveyard associates. Mr Arthur Rowe, who was once a chemist, was also feeling restless that night, and the colonel went over to talk to him.

“What a cheek! A young couple are using my gravestone as a bed. What about you? Is your  gravestone being used for wrongdoings too?”

Mr Rowe sighed, and said, “You’re lucky! Mine’s been dug up so many times, and my wife’s too.”

The colonel didn’t have time for silly talk, and said, “It’s your own fault, you shouldn’t have been so careless, leaving poisons out when anyone could have stolen them. They thought, and some still think, that you poisoned your wife.”

“I most certainly did not. How Shanna came to get hold of those pills I never knew, and now that I’m down here I never shall.”

“Haven’t you realized that time doesn’t exist down here? You’ve been here nearly as long as I have. And that’s saying something,” the colonel said.

Mr Charles Phipps, who used to be one of the handsomest men in town, was leaning on his gravestone with a sad smile on his face. He had taken his time to understand that he was dead and buried alongside his lady friend Mrs Janelle Collins. They had both been a little worse for wear after a night of heavy drinking at a party, and the vehicle they were travelling in had veered off the road and gone into a large tree, which according to Charles, if he had been able to answer questions the police put to him, would have replied, “What was that tree doing there? I’d never seen it before.”

The deaths of Charles and Janelle had caused a bit of a scandal at the time, mainly because they had never married. Charles’ friends were frequently asking him, “When are you going to make her an honest woman?”

What none of them knew was that they had gone through a secret marriage ceremony and had preferred to keep up the illusion of being a scandalous couple. They wanted to be thought of as romantic.

The colonel roamed around in the dark, which made no difference to his sight as ghosts see through things. There were all kinds of decoration on the graves, and the colonel was grateful that his family had chosen what he considered to be tasteful.

Back at the colonel’s grave, Richard and Charisma were still asleep inside the warm bedding. Luckily for them it was a dry night. A couple of dogs went sniffing around and smelt the food and began rummaging around for goodies. The noise woke Charisma, who thought it was a ghost.

“Richard, wake up there’s a ghost right here messing with our food and stuff,” Charisma shouted at Richard, nudging him at the same time.

Richard, who had been deep in the arms of Morpheus, was startled into wakefulness by Charisma’s insistent jabbing him on the arm. “What’s up with you?”

“I think there’s a ghost here. I can hear him messing about with our stuff, especially the food and the thermos,” Charisma said.

Richard switched on the powerful camping light he had taken with them, and saw the dogs and shooed them off quick. “They’re just a couple of stray dogs unless, of course, their owners like taking them for walks in the graveyard after midnight. I don’t want to lose the bet, so we’d better go back to sleep. Dawn won’t be long in coming and then we can go. OK?”

“I suppose so,” Charisma said rather reluctantly willing to stay longer than she cared for, if only to win the bet. “I wonder what the others are doing,” she asked Richard.

“If they’ve got any sense they’ll be asleep, which is what I’m about to do,” Richard, lying down again and making himself comfortable at the same time.

 

Dennis Dumont otherwise known as ‘The Dandy’ had been famous during his sojourn in the world as a man devoted to his appearance. He had also been a ladies’ man, and had conquered many of the ladies in the small town. The colonel hadn’t liked him at all, due to The Dandy’s exaggerated clothes. The Dandy was still on a bench gazing unhappily at his grave, “Colonel, take a good look at what’s on top of my gravestone. Nothing more nor less than a living pair of lovebirds. Human ones. They’ve brought all kinds of things to make their stay here as comfy as possible, without a thought for me. How can I possibly sleep knowing those two are on top of me? So you see, I just had to get away from my nice cosy tomb. It’s not the first time this has happened. Those who are still up there in the world of the living think that we have no feelings. Well, I for one, still have memories of things I used to do when I had a body.”

The colonel was used to The Dandy’s moaning, and said, “Why don’t you start to moan. That usually has the desired effect, and it would appear as something of what they expect to hear in a graveyard.”

The Dandy sat thinking for a moment, and said, “Colonel, you don’t happen to have any chains on you, do you?”

“No, I don’t. I lent my chains to the Jamiesons, who said they needed them to put off a group of ghost busters. Typical! They haven’t returned them yet.”

“You couldn’t go and ask them, could you?” The Dandy asked plaintively.

“Not tonight. They wanted to be quiet after all the events of last week, with all that lot coming down from the college to poke around in their grave because it’s the biggest. You’ve never been down there, have you? The Jamiesons have got all their relatives with them, and not one of them had a decent set of chains. I think you’re right. I must make an effort to get them back. Sorry, Dandy, you’ll have to think of something else to frighten them off with.”

Barney and Molly, who were in competition with Richard and Charisma, were totally unaware of that exchange between ghosts.

 

The Colonel glided back to his grave and saw that there were a couple of dogs hanging around there. He went up to them silently and blew in their faces and ears. The dogs panicked and the colonel pursued them to Dandy’s grave, where they set up such a noise of barking that it woke the couple sleeping there. The Dandy gave the dogs a second dose of ghostly punishment for that night, which sent them off running around and making a scandalous racket. The nearest neighbours to the graveyard rang the police, who said not to worry and that the dogs were not ghosts, but strays. The youngsters on The Dandy’s gravestone were in competition with Richard and Charisma to see who could spend the whole night sleeping on a gravestone. Although they felt anything but safe, they decided to do their best and stay till it became unbearable. 

A thin line of grey light came up on the horizon. However, inside the graveyard it was still dark. The colonel and the other ghosts went back to their graves. The colonel stared down at Richard and Charisma still lying down on his gravestone, and wondered why they had gone there. Gently, very gently, and with a well-coordinated movement, the ghost slid back into his coffin. All over the graveyard two events were taking place: the ghosts were returning to their graves, while those who were still in the land of the living were waking up.

Early morning light took over from the dark of night. Richard and Charisma and their competitors tidied up their provisional beds and went home. The graveyard recuperated its usual grey stone appearance together with the ancient grey stone church. Green grass was the only colour between graves.

At nine o’clock the grave diggers arrived to dig the hole for a funeral to be celebrated later that day. One of the resident gardeners got out a skimmer to trim the overgrown grass surrounding the oldest graves, that were no longer visited. It had been decided to make the graveyard more presentable for the day’s mourners.

At eleven thirty the church bells began ringing, as a sign that a funeral was to occur, and their ding dongs accompanied the relatives and friends of the recently deceased as they arrived.

 

Richard and Charisma had got back to their respective homes. Richard’s mother, who was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea, said, “You look terrible. Well, was it worth losing a good night’s sleep in your own bed to spend it on a freezing cold gravestone? See any ghosts?”

Richard sat down tiredly on a chair. “We didn’t see anything! Mum, I’m starving. I need a good hot breakfast. I think Charisma and I have won the bet, but I’m not sure.”

“Never mind the bet, eat your breakfast, have a hot shower, and get to bed for a rest,” his mother told him.

Charisma’s mother was at work when she opened the front door. Charisma’s first stop was the bathroom where she undressed, slung her graveyard clothes in the laundry basket, went under a very hot shower, put on warm clothes, and then went downstairs for breakfast. When her mother returned home from work, she found her daughter wrapped in blankets fast asleep on the sofa.

 

The late lamented Mr Edward Minter Tomlinson, the new addition to the graveyard, had been a man who had led a rather undistinguished life, apart from having been married four times. His offspring from his first three wives were all present at his funeral. During his life, speculation had run riot about his bereavements, and how it had been possible. The fourth and last of his wives was thirty-seven, the same age as his eldest son. There was no animosity as far as anyone could see, as the family entered the church.

The funeral service over, the mourners followed the coffin to the newly dug grave to deposit the earthly remains of Edward Minter Tomlinson. The large floral wreaths with their long ribbons in striking colours and gold lettering brought a sad glamour to the graveyard. Everyone paid their respects to the deceased, and then waited while the grave was covered with earth, and then left. The mourners drove to the first class restaurant, a favourite of Edward’s, where they would eat and drink and talk about him.

 

That night, the graveyard four, Richard and Charisma, Barney and Molly, were sitting in a café favoured by young people.

“Which of us won, then? Does anyone know?” Richard asked.

Molly said, “I thought it was us, but you stuck it out too, didn’t you?”

“Yes, we did. We can always have another competition,” Charisma added.

“I don’t know about you lot, but I missed my bed,” moaned Barney.

“Did you see any ghosts?” Richard asked his friends.

“Nothing at all, not even a groan or the clanking of chains,” Barney chuckled.

“The next best night is Halloween. What do you think?” Molly put forward.

They all sat thinking for a moment, and then said “Why, yes, of course, just perfect. The ghosts should be out and about then.”

 

That year, the night of Halloween fell on a Friday, which was good news for those who wished to celebrate it as it ought to be, that is at a graveyard. The four young people who had already spent a night in the graveyard were eager to repeat the experience on Halloween. They knew that they wouldn’t be alone, that the idea was up for grabs by many like themselves, but never managed to see it through.

Richard and Charisma went shopping and bought more food and drink than they had taken with them on their previous incursion. Barney and Molly did the same. That second time they decided to go as a foursome, just in case there were angry spirits present.

 

The early part of the evening went by with children tricking and treating with their parents. They were dressed up as mini-witches and ghosts, and carried plastic pumpkins for baskets. The intrepid quartet was sitting in Barney’s parents’ house, enjoying a heavy dinner before leaving at eleven thirty for the graveyard.

“Don’t you think it’s rather late to be going to the graveyard?” Charisma asked.

“Are you worried that we shan’t have the same gravestone?” Richard asked her.

“I suppose so,” Charisma said.

“We aren’t worried about that,” Barney said. “Nobody will go to the ancient part of the graveyard, it’s far too eerie for them. They like going to new sites.”

“We’re going to try a newer gravestone tonight,” Molly added.

“It’ll be interesting to see how many people stay till dawn,” Charisma said, “Tomorrow is Saturday, so there’s no excuse for not staying all night as nobody has to get up early.”

 

Shortly after eleven, the four left Barney’s family home and set out together in two vehicles in the direction of the graveyard. The people who were in the street were revellers whose only interest was in getting drunk and singing and shouting as loud as they could. Everyone they saw was dressed in what they thought was a gothic outfit. The girls wore long wigs in black, purple, or grey, and long dark dresses. The young men were in all black with strange hats, dramatic make up, and plenty of black around the eyes. The journey to the graveyard was not far, and they parked out of sight of the main streets.

Although it was Halloween and should have been really creepy, it was less so than on their other visit. That night there was a waxing moon which would herald a full moon six days later. There was sufficient light to see any kind of movement. Richard and Charisma walked towards the colonel’s gravestone in the ancient part of the graveyard, while Barney and Molly saw the newly made grave of Edward Minter Tomlinson, and chose it for their hopeful night of fright. Those graves that had giant angels with enormous wings and those with saints and cherubs, doves, and other small animals were already occupied for their friendlier aspect. The graveyard had a double look to it that evening, one of life and the other of death. From inside the church came the sound of organ music, and amber light illuminated the stained-glass windows, casting a warm glow onto the grey gravestones.

Richard and Charisma set out everything, just as they had done before and settled down inside the large sleeping bag. The difference was that there was so much light. The colonel slid gently from beneath his gravestone, and once more gazed down on the same sleeping couple. He went for a glide around the gravestones to find out what was actually going on, and then he remembered the date. He was happy because it was the only night in the year that he and the other inmates could get up to no good with the general public that had invaded their peace and tranquillity. He went to see The Dandy, and saw that he had a different couple sleeping on his gravestone, and The Dandy was once again sitting on a bench with his head in his hands.

“Hello, Dandy, how’s things?” the colonel asked.

“Tonight there’s a different pair of lovebirds on my grave. What am I supposed to do?”

“Sorry, I haven’t got the chains, but we could moan together and maybe, just maybe, they’ll get up and go home,” suggested the colonel.

“All right, let’s try it,” responded The Dandy.

The two ghosts closed in on the young pair sleeping on The Dandy’s grave, and set up a long dull moan. Nothing happened. The two asleep didn’t move a muscle. The ghosts moved up even closer and breathed in the faces of both sleepers. The half moonlight cast strange shadows that kept moving around. At the very same moment the colonel and The Dandy were doing their thing, a wind blew in the trees, and the shaking branches together with the antics of the two ghosts woke those lying down on The Dandy’s grave. For a few seconds the ghosts’ faces were lit up and a shockingly loud scream came forth from the two young people. In a trice they had packed up their things and had gone running in fear from the graveyard.

“Thanks once again, Colonel, for helping me out. Happy Halloween,” The Dandy said to the colonel.

The colonel said, “Goodnight, or what’s left of it. I’m off now to see what else is going on here tonight, after all it’s our night, is it not?”

The colonel left The Dandy, who returned to his coffin.

 

The colonel saw his old friends chatting in the misty gloom, now and then lit up by the moon, when a cloud uncovered it. What caught his eye the most, was that the newcomer, Edward Minter Tomlinson, was gazing down in bewilderment at his tomb.

“What’s the matter? You’re new here, aren’t you? I’m the colonel. I’ve been here for a hundred years, more or less. Time doesn’t mean much here.”

“I was buried not long ago, and now I’m not sure what’s going on. Can you see what I can see?”

“Yes, I can see two young people sleeping on your grave. It’s normal on this date. Tonight belongs to us, we are the owners of Halloween, but they think they know everything, and come to annoy us. The reality is that we annoy them even more by moaning and clanking chains - which reminds the Jamiesons’ still haven’t returned me mine. You don’t happen to own a set of chains, do you?”

“Yes, I’ve been given some. What can we do with them?”

“We make the most horrendous noise possible and hope they go back to where they came from,” the colonel said.

Edward slid down under his grave without disturbing Barney and Molly, and in seconds was back with the colonel. He handed over a set of heavy chains, which the colonel happily took hold of.

“You hold one end and I’ll hold the other, and then we shake, but before that we moan and breathe in their faces. It’s already worked once tonight, let’s see how it goes now,” the colonel explained.

Edward moaned and breathed in Barney and Molly’s faces, which had no effect. The colonel said, “Nothing for it but the chains, if you want a good night’s sleep and have a bit of fun at the same time.”

The ghosts started a clanging of chains that was the most scandalous heard since the Jamiesons had used the colonel’s chains. Barney and Molly woke up at the sound and stared at each other.

“What’s happening? Did you hear the chains? Must be the wind in the trees,” Barney said to Molly.

“I don’t think so, Barney. Take a look. It looks like we’ve got visitors,” Molly said pointing to the colonel and Edward.

Barney sat and stared at the two ghosts. His mouth fell open, “What, what, what did we have for dinner tonight? I’m seeing and hearing things too. What’s that noise coming from the church and what are the lights doing on? I think we’d better go home, we’re not welcome here. Come on let’s get going.”

 

Richard and Charisma were still fast asleep on the colonel’s grave, and were unaware of the animated events that night.

Amanda Bull, who had been the colonel’s wife and widow, was fed up with being disturbed. Although Halloween was the ghosts’ night out, Amanda preferred the peace and quiet of her grave, which was beside her husband’s. She rose rather reluctantly from her cosy coffin, and saw what was happening. The ancient part of the graveyard was relatively quiet in comparison to the area of the new graves. The presence of Richard and Charisma on the colonel’s grave did not perturb her in the slightest. Amanda looked around for her husband, and found him creating a terrible din with Edward’s chains in the attempt to get rid of the intruders.

Amanda went over to the colonel, and said, “Darling, the party’s over.”

The colonel’s face softened on seeing Amanda, and they glided off back to their coffins again.

 

Barney and Molly looked at the graveyard and took in the atmosphere, with the gloomily lit church, the haunting organ music, the tall dark trees, and the not quite full moon. The shadows played havoc with the imaginations of those present, who would never return unless they went to a wedding, a christening or a funeral.

“Are we to tell Richard and Charisma?” Molly asked.

“They might already know that there’s some action happening tonight. We’re not the only ones who are willing to leave,” Barney replied, as he saw some of their other friends packing up their sleeping bags and food containers, and making their way towards their cars.

 

Poor old Richard and Charisma missed out on all the fun - again!

 

Some hours later, after breakfast, the vicar and the verger were out in the graveyard surveying the rubbish left behind by the Halloween revellers.