The Dogs Barking

~

I love my mind. I am thinking about asking her to marry me. It is all because you are in her so much. I want to scratch your skin very lightly from your forearm to your shoulder and have glorious foreplay in moonlight of her own making in wide open spaces with the wolves howling in the distance and a dog barking not at us but barking and barking and barking at the night moves under the stars.

Wet like animal hair in the bottom of a pan with a quarter inch of liquid about my fingers with anticipation in your eyes and urgency on your brow while she smiles and delights that I am there with you and is not jealous for its her own making with gobbed up mucus between my index finger and my thumb rolling and gathering no dirt but oil from my skin wiping the slimy stuff from the back of my hand delighted she has taken me there for a break wanting not to sneeze or sniff loud enough to have any effect. White noise in my right ear silence in the other watching your tongue. Surprise me. Make me think you are really there and not something I am making up as I go along with your plan you don't know you are planning that I planned two days ago when I first thought of it.

Cursing at he dog in the wind. I giggle. Someone is lost tonight. Is it you? Is it me? It's a small child, a girl lost from her childhood subconscious that knows what will happen next with no way to and surprised in the same incidence. I am evil. You are evil. Either one of us can do evil to the other and even then be yet good if we ever were good.

I am. I can do whatever I want to you. It is good to do evil to evil for good. But is it for good or just me? Is there a difference? A different dog barks from a new direction I didn't realize before existed. You are a witch. An animal with a human body you control like it has always been yours. Bestiality. Is that evil enough for you to understand. You beast. Me good. Higher life form from out of man hungry for a good girl in you to eat while licking the grease from a porterhouse.

I've seen what you do to them, the new guys, like a California girl in the frozen north lands of Minnesota. Everyone sees like they would Big Foot's corpse. You see their hungry eyes and eager body language. Slick comes to you, says something and then as not to give himself away yells for another drink as you slide off your stool seeming to look for somewhere to sit. At the tables eyes brighten. You're looking straight at me. I just stare. It is not a game with me. You almost lose your advantage and didn't hear that guy hit on you and stood puzzled for a moment.

I'm the new one you see. If I had a knife I'd carve out my heart and make you eat it before I died. You don't understand that. It eludes you. I am not a boy. Later and exhausted from all the attention designed to force me to move you come to me. You are something?... You don't know what. I smile and look at an empty chair. Then I take you out in the night somewhere open and that new dog barks again. Then again he barks. Then again he doesn't bark at all. It is silent to the trees far away we cannot hear singing love songs with their sighs.

“Die,” I say.

It scares you. I feel your pulse become rapid in your chest between your breasts.

“You're evil,” I say with compassion, “Die.”

“I am not evil!” you insist and struggle a bit.

I grab your wrists and look into your frightened eyes.

“Not if you die,” I say as a matter of fact.

“What are you?” she says thinking she knows.

“A good man,” I reassure her.

“Why do you want me to die then?” she asks, “I haven't done anything.”

“Exactly,” I say releasing her wrists seeing the tears on her face. “But you are an animal. If we do what I think I would do to you it would kill me. I would have to die.”

“Look Baby?” she says, “Let me up. Let me go. I won't tell anyone. Really I won't?”

“Don't think I'm a psycho,” I say, “If I kill you I can't love you. I can't even make you die. That isn't love.”

“Is that all you want is someone to have sex with!” she says.

“Yes, but you are a human animal,” I say “That would be bestiality.”

“Just what do you think you are?” she asked as she managed of her own power to slide out from under me and lie there surprised there was no struggle. “What do you want from me?” Lost she looks around.

“There is something I have to tell you,” I said.

“What?” she asks in the silence that followed her voice wavering as that new dog barks and then barks again.

“I died,” I said.

As the silence drags on she finally says, “You are some sort of zombie!”

“More a God,” I say feeling it is wrong to say it that way especially to them.

“A God!!” the surprise echoes and the dog barks.

In the silence I rise and take her gently in my arms and hug her tight. She does not resist.

“Die and we can be together,” I say.

“With what?” she says, “We are unarmed. How do I die?”

“Just die,” I shrug and let go of her.

She stares at the want to in my eyes. I see it in hers. She's confused.

I let myself go under enough to fall to the grass and just lie there dead. Then I come back to full consciousness and look her in the eye. She thought she was alone out there now. I stand and take her by the hands.

“Die,” I plead with her.

She moves close to me staring in my eyes.

The subconscious in action is really something to see.

Suddenly her eyes roll up into her forehead and she drops like I had pole axed her and even twitches.

I let her lay. After about five minutes she opens her eyes and looks around scared she had fallen with no recollection of it.

“I feel different somehow,” she says, “How long was I out?”

“Just a while,” I reassure her.

“What-what did you give me?” she asks.

“My love,” I smile and she smiles.

“I love you?” she says. “It's completely new to me. I mean, I have never loved anyone before. It feels so great to know you are not some weirdo. This really works!”

I just stand there and let it sink in as far and as near her own pace as possible.

She eventually gets to her feet and looks into my eyes. I look into hers. Anticipation has left her. I see she doesn't want to. She senses it and feels sorry she is disappointing me. Then she rushes to me and hugs me tight but in a moment later she backs off and looks in my eyes again.

“Take me home?” she asks.

The dog barks.