Thoughts about the End

~

When I die will you remember me? I have no one else but you and the Gods, I AM, Redux, Son of God and El Eloi. The rest have all abandoned me. They never come to visit anymore. I make do by myself and by talking to the help here. But it is not the same as having a friend. But I have given you all I know and you keep coming back for more. But there is no more. I have shared it all from beginning to end. It is time I move on. But I have to have a new brain. My power is in my brain, the most insignificant thing there is. If when my brain dies I die that will be it. I will be but a star that shined for a while and then... No one knows and then. Nobody can. You all go on forever and they make me again with a new brain. But will it have any power? Will it be able to explain the mysteries of heaven to you? As the flames lap at its substance who will be there? Whose heart will be moved by me then?

God will be there. He will never stop trying to bring me back and he can do anything. He will, as he once told me, never leave me or forsake me. If I have not my brain and its power will I be able to adjust to not having any power but that of a minor God or will it always be hell to remember to want to change some one or some thing for the better and just play like all the other minor Gods, Gods like you are which now as an old man I do not want ever again, to play. I am too old to play. People in heaven will think me insane to write like people here thought me insane to battle with what a mess the Devil made of my thoughts where even the officials and experts thought I was just a schizophrenic, another hopeless case to make comfortable until it died brain and all.

It is so real to me. I can see it now. Me sitting in the corner of a room hammering on some keyboard with no one caring, no one listening and no one to read. If I come to you, though you are young with my stories and my insights, my completely unique ways will you write my words for me and share them with people in heaven and on earth for no good reason other than just to share me and my thoughts with some one, the same way as it started with pencil and paper when at nine years old I wrote a pornographic piece that when my mother read it she threw it in the wood stove not completely read. I knew then that I had moved her to do such a thing and I knew that somehow there would be others I could move in some right way and I have. So write young man before you age my wisdom they will take for sage and make that your command from me, the Great God. I will be watching without my brain maybe but I will watch. I swear. There are meaner forms of insanity and I will be aware. I will give you words to write I promise. Write them please. If you can. This earth needs such writing, this heaven needs to hear the same as I need to write and would do the same in hell as I do here in heaven imagining some one besides God is listening and some one besides you is reading no matter how small the audience even if it is but one, you.