Saving a Friend

1

I noticed her feet working like they were working pedals a telltale symptom of a schizophrenic. So I cleared her mind as God taught me before I asked, “What is your diagnosis?”

“Schizophrenia,” her answer almost broke my heart.

There used to be no cure for it. God made them as comfortable as possible with the aid of mental health practitioners. She was so comfortable she rarely said anything and even rarer it was that got the gist of what someone said on the first try though her hearing was perfect. She sat with the TV on not listening. It was just background noise to her thoughts which were coherent because of her medication but the sort of thing people bored numb would say if they ever aired them.

“Not any longer,” I said, “Unless you decide to go back to them thoughts. You are perfectly normal.”

“So that is what this is,” she said lacking emotion.

“Would you like to live forever?” I asked.

“Like this,” she said and I could not tell by the lack of emotion whether she meant it as a question or as had she approved or disapproved.”

“What were you like before they got you on medication?” I asked.

“Ranting and saying things that did not make any sense,” she said.

“Them days are gone if you choose to stay this way,” I said.

“They will be back,” she said as had so no opinion one way or the other whether that was good or bad.

“If they do they will be good,” I said.

“What about the Devil?” she asked.

“Satan is no more,” I said, “But as fiction in people's imaginations. When I saved him there was nothing good to build a new life for him on. I guarantee you he won't be back.”

'I do too,' God added to me just now for I am writing this after the fact.

“In the afterlife you can have what you want and do anything you want to do,” I said.

“Like now?” she said more animated.

“You just want to stay like this?” I asked unable to hide my disappointment completely. “God doesn't want you to just be like this forever. What kind of voices do you hear?”

“I only hear one,” she said, “Yours.”

“When you get to heaven you will see and hear and touch everything and anyone you want pretty much,” I said.

“I don't think I want to be like this forever,” she said.

“Aw come on,” I said, “Just live for once forever. But to get to heaven you have to die.”

“I'll go to heaven when I die,” she said.

“Why don't you do it now?” I asked.

“I don't know,” she said as if it made no difference.

“What do you want to do? Don't you want to be loved and loving? That is what goes on in heaven. Here let me show you what I can do since I died and came back.”

I closed my eyes and grimaced for show for I do not have to do that it is just something I do to solidify it in my mind thinking about her and wanting her to die.

A short time later she came around, “You are something else. So that is what it is like.”

“Don't be afraid to die,” I said, “There are a lot of people around that can raise you and sometimes you will come back on your own if you want to.”

“I wanted to,” she said even yet without emotion but as a matter of fact.

“Now you do it,” I urged her. “And when you wake up I will love you, God will love you and you will have compassion and love for a lot of people. But you have to die.”

“How do I do it?”

“Don't imagine you are dying though that would work,” I said, “Don't pretend but that would too. Just die. It has to be your decision is all. Die.”

She did and she surprised me for she spoke from the dead, “So this is what it is like. No pain. Nothing.”

“It's time to wake up now,” I said thinking she may have already so that she could speak.

“I'm awake,” she said. “This is what it is like.”

“Is there anything you want?” I asked.

“I would like to have sex,” she said, “I'm your age and I have never had sex. I'm a virgin.”

I was amazed because I am 68 years old. I had sex with her despite my heart condition only a week or two since my heart attack. When I asked her is she want to keep on I said, “I will let my spirit take over because of my heart. I have to stop or my body might die. It wasn't all that involved but it had gotten involved. She could feel my spirit touching her the same as me but she kept making love to me and not him.

'Do I stop?' I asked God.

'Just let them keep on but ignore it,' he said.

After I rested a while I went from my bedroom where we had talked in the spirit and sat across the room from her even after we were alone asking if they were going to it it even then.

“I can really feel it,” her spirit said.

“Who would have guessed sex would feel like that?” I asked her spirit.

Then suddenly we were alone and I asked, “Are you enjoying my spirit even yet?” verbally.

She didn't miss a beat as she said with happiness, excitement and joy, “I sure am.” Then after she hesitated a microsecond she said, “You are a nice man. A very nice man to be around.”

She was alive and full of love and joy. It was easy to love her but not in a romantic way at all. But to her as a virgin there was no other way. They stopped after a while but her eyes are bright, her skin is rosy and there is an excitement about her. She is alive and cured of schizophrenia. She can continue to take her medications. They do very little but have a placebo effect anyway to her now. If she didn't have Leukemia she could leave the assisted living facility. But all our bodies have to die from something. But they won't make her go all the way. They will take her out to heaven and replace her living spirit with one that will seem like her but really isn't much more than an animal spirit. She will feel no pain and her loved ones will be resigned she couldn't live any longer. She really doesn't have Leukemia.

2

John never wastes consciousness if he can help it. That is why he saved everyone ever made even El Eloi if he was made. That is irrelevant. He was conscious and is again and will live forever if he actually died. He is a God and a God can actually only sleep except God and even he does when he goes back to unconsciousness though technically he can never be unconscious. That is how he knew I was having a heart attack when he died. The rest of us cannot go back that far unless John can. No one else was ever unconscious and God only once and even then he had the same potential as all things. He could and therefore did become conscious. The rest of the Gods are the same except they cannot go back as far as God was the first time he became conscious and it is tenuous to think that God can for when he became conscious by doing so he created consciousness and unconsciousness.

But he was something unconscious like everything else. By doing so the part of unconsciousness that does not lead to consciousness was suddenly given form in the form of unconscious things like rocks, gold, silver and sticks that must be moved to move and must be spoken for in the thoughts of others by some spirit that is not God. God gives them the thought that they would say things God would never say and sometimes that is true but he says them anyway so that nothing takes place in consciousness that is not in his consciousness even that which he never allowed to be in him.

He is more than mere consciousness. He has power. Then also he has the power to make any force and since all things are actually forces he can make any thing. But those things he does not allow in him are fiction the same as any fiction for they are not, not being in God for anyone to know what they were but God and he rendered them irrelevant by not allowing them in him that he might think of them on his own and have his Spirit make them as she does everything he thinks, says and does; and if it be known to her even things he wants that he never shared with her before that she might make them.

She makes everything else he wants for he doesn't want anything other than she makes and that is why he does not want those things not in him said again. John says and does things God never thought of and sometimes they are things God does not want but because John is subservient by choice to God he always undoes what God did not want him to do, not because it is unwise or too dangerous to have it in reality but because God has told him so and he always acquiesces to what God knows for what sticks and Gods that say things God does not want are very close relatives and John doesn't want to wind up with the same fate as sticks. Besides he loves God.

Even when he hates God he eventually recognizes that he who made all things that were not before and to do that for oneself is to become God and cease to be oneself. There can be no two spirits that are exactly the same one doing the same thing but the one that makes that of itself.

Water can only be water until it dies and either becomes steam or ice, both nothing like the water it was before it became something new. Then if you want water back you have to create water from steam or from ice. Even humans can work that miracle by using more or less of one force or another to create or take away certain energy which is actually just what God's forces changed the things that were not into.

John for instance can create money out of what was nothing but an idea in the conscious mind in God's consciousness using his power and recreating his forces and the consequent energy which is what was matter is a separate type of energy that is actually all forces used in a particular way.

The entire universe is a daydream. There is nothing there but the energy of God's consciousness the same energy that is in all things conscious. Daydreaming is done in a spirit for a daydream is a spirit if you are not just pretending. But a God knows whether you are yet pretending or your pretense has become a dream and all dreams are real whether one you created or one someone else created and sent to you. There are some evil spirits yet because there are some evil men and women left even yet. Besides if you have not died yet you are evil. Die! When you are alive again you will be good. I will clean you up and remove everything in you that was evil and you will be good, loved and loving, living without end with the rest of us.

John is compulsive about making the universe perfect, no evil anywhere which cannot be done, compelled by no one to complete that perfection. God, Spirit and Jesus Christ; Consciousness, Power and a Loving Force sharing the compulsion that ever leads toward perfection but never achieves it by design, holy Futility with the sum total of the four Gods who are God perpetuated, led to never ending life in goodness that is never perfectly free of evil and yet unceasingly good.

He is not obsessed or impelled or even impulsive but compulsive in a futile sort of way never achieving the object of his compulsiveness but swallowing up the other three Gods which are him, God, Spirit and Jesus Christ who are compelled to continue the effort not without being free as he is to give up the futility at any time and have no more personalities made on earth.

If they were ever not free and loved enough to be allowed by their others to quit, it would be their others fault whatever happens. It makes logical sense for mental health reasons to quit but that is the heart, of the forces driving love which is even though it is renewable impractical, just the right amount of fiction to require the truth to be unattainable and the existence of that the means to being perpetual as a set of new lovers wanting to perpetuate their love which makes more sense and is wiser than logic.

Anything perfect is impractical except a perpetuated activity designed not to ever perfect it all. Perfection when it comes to conscious activity belongs only to God or did before he joined the other three Gods in perpetuating a never ending desire to love and to perpetuate that love though love is not perfection and so continually spoils the perfection of God's creation, all of it.

Everything it must be remembered may perhaps be perfected but that or we are all done and compelled to do things by the totality of our combined minds to do it which is no more than say a couple of dragon flies mating without love but practically designed to nearly perpetuate the species as those who have not yet died and emerged Gods on earth are evil and heading toward dying that they might become good something other than they ever were and something they will never go back to but if they did turn what then?

The fact is that none of them did turn and any speculation that anyone would die is fiction for God knows it never happened. There never will be a reason for it other than insanity and even insanity is treatable now though no one will exist that is not so good they can truly go insane to the point their being loving cannot be restored to them and being loving they will be loved and being loved they will be good; not always right, but good.

To be honest, I am not always loving anymore than God is but when the situation is solved I and God will always make it up to the one we did not act loving toward, me by being loving toward them again, God by simply making it up to them as he chases being loving without end just like the rest of us.

3

It is Friday night. You start pacing as soon as dinner is over waiting for it to get dark. The spirit of the bar calls your name. Tonight will be different. Tonight you will not just get stupid drunk. You will hold back a little, maybe do some dancing, sit with a lady and talk about times you came out on top and the rest of the world was a wasteland of losers. But it leaves you after the second beer before your friends arrive. You can feel the disappointment, the one more time clawing at your guts as the beer slides down too easy and nothing is happening. Jokes are all jokes. They might as well as all be the same one.

You watched from the same spot all night. The vodka, the hard stuff slides down just as easy as the beer earlier did. But you're not drunk if you can see another man drunker than you are. You're pretty drunk, but just look at that guy. His eyes are glazed. He tries to be funny but nobody laughs because no one understands him. You don't. You've been there; so tonight you're doing better.

She rips at your gut. As hot for each other as the two of you were together there could be no end to that kind of love. You're a good lover. She's a rookie or a virgin. But you cried for 257 miles when you set her free to check out other men. You're dead inside. You don't get into anything anymore. You miss being wanted the way that she wanted you. You could get an erection just by following her eyes to your crotch like she used to do. But you won't let yourself. It's been a long time this time. There is no other one for you but her and if her women folk had only known there was no one for you too they never would have set it so prominent in your head that there was birth control and other men.

The bartender wakes you up. “Go home...” he calls you by name, “Last call was an hour ago.”

You don't care. Awake you can feel it, the time you ripped your heart out and gave it to her. If you let her go and she comes back she'll never leave you. She didn't come back. Did she? You let it eat you alive, felt every bite as new and painful as the first one and there ain't no end to it. Asleep she's in your arms and then some guy moves on her and you are alone knowing you're forever without her. It doesn't even wake you anymore. But like a soldier from the war or a man that has gone through any other kind of hell you can feel nothing but the fact you can't stand it a moment longer.

But you do not stand it again the next day, the one after that so many times that is all that is left of you. You have nothing of what you once had just some threadbare jeans and a shirt that you had to settle for because it was cheaper and it makes you angry that you're poor, that all that potential stayed behind at the pool hall while you did the hardest thing a man could do and just like a damned fool you didn't even say, “Good-bye and good luck.” You couldn't have meant either one and she wouldn't have bought it anyway even if you did pull it off.

Other men learn about evil in war. Some get hooked on something and can't stay away. You just wish the feeling of being trapped in desire for something you can never have and couldn't get back now if it were dropped in your lap. You try other women. You try drugs. You try fighting. You even give AA a try. Nothing works for you because you are hooked on only one thing; her. Some men marry anyone that will take them. Some men curl up with a bottle and drink themselves to where they pass out knowing that alcohol doesn't stop when you pass out, your body does, your brain does, but your mind don't and that hell, it is there with you all the way along. But it is what you did about it; nothing and nothing doesn't make it any worse.

It can't. Hell is like love. They stay the same so long as you are in them. You've stopped loving her. You don't even love your mama anymore. You want to die. So you try. But you don't make a decent showing of it. You know that when your are dead its like being passed out. It won't end; ever.

You were waiting another year to even ask her when you had things set up for the two of you. A family car, a kid or two, a steady job that paid well in the city, Mom and Pop clung to you making you in your dream the happiest man that ever lived no matter what happened.

“I could get married now if I wanted to,” she lied, “But I don't want to spend my life with just one man. I want to find out what other boys are like.”

It takes time. There are annoying demons and a dead man and a devil. You know twenty years of chronic pain there is nothing to identify where it came from. The hell is complete with characters. Some in your mind. Some in real life. You can't tell the difference anymore. Hell gets brutal. What for you're not sure the feeling doesn't get any worse and the hell just more realistic.

You cry out, “Yahweh, I want out. Make me so I never am again.”

He will. He's God. I will. I'm John or the Spirit will or even Jesus Christ. They want you to die. It is the only way out of hell. But when you are alive again you are no longer an evil loser. You are good. You are different. You love again and you know you're loved this time and it is all utterly and completely right. What you could not do, what it would not have done you any good to do but what they ordered you to do it made those in heaven include you. Hell is gone.

Just believe this spiritual writing. Just ask one of us to take you out of hell. We will. You know what your thought life has been like. You know it is more real than the smell of bacon. This is for real. God will take you to heaven right now if you want to leave a corpse behind. But if you have any reason to want to rebuild a life now that you've changed he can do that too. He can do anything and John, God, Spirit and Jesus Christ will take you out regardless what it puts you all through no matter how much misery is in store on earth yet or in heaven. None of that hell in you is a thing that can exist there, they would take you there and give you anything you wanted and let you do anything you wanted if they could right now.

But you my friend have enemies. They need defeated so they cannot be with you or cause you to fear them any longer or they have to be taken out or worked out. You are good but your thought life is yet in hell. John begs you as one who had been there 42 years let me clean you up or let Jesus Christ and them join me. There really is no choice now. There ain't no place to go now.

We will wait to teach you to love and be loving and get rid of everything that holds you back. Make it soon or you will go back maybe all the way to a bottle that is two-thirds full with no foam pointed at your head with you neck curved unnaturally so you can put it down on the table one... more... time... and hell is back but you'll have the knowledge you could have gotten out and all you had to do was let us do it. You have no fight left in you. But we will never give up. Even if you die hell goes with you for a dream you can't escape; ever. You are the brokenhearted and it doesn't matter who or what broke it. You can really live. John knows he can someday when everybody is happy because of something he did and he should be celebrating with every one else. But he doesn't. But hell is gone. He loves God, he loves the Gods, he loves people... He loves you. Broadcast ends...

4

John Carver was that man. He presented with schizophrenia when he was twenty years old before he even met the love of his life. He had showed signs something was wrong and that year he presented with full blown schizophrenia, hearing voices that God never said, voices that existed only in his head, voices that bothered him and made him act out in raging and ranting much of the time. But his love for his lifelong love that carried over into his Godhood. He is the only one to beat schizophrenia ever.

It came from Satan and God couldn't do it. He didn't understand what he was doing in the womb. God always did what he knew the Devil was about to do. This was one of the few times he could not because the Devil didn't even know what he was doing. He only knew it was not good. It ended with his man ranting and raving even raging and spiriting away as all schizophrenics know, but he stopped this time one step away from permanent insanity. His man went on off into irrelevance never to be sane again. Even God does not know what became of him. He may be conscious yet but if he is he is insane all the time and his insanity has nothing to it God can understand enough to locate him in all that fiction of his. If not schizophrenia killed him and he went all the way back to being unconscious, a sort of permanent coma and that is why God cannot locate him. There is no consciousness in him to find.

When John was born they knew they had something great of a spiritual nature. Only God knew what he was. He looked both Jesus and God in the eyes the moment he cleared the womb and Jesus said, “What do we have hear,” and from that moment on they knew something was coming of the two large black holes that had collided, which in Jesus' estimation always means some great spiritual event is on the way. They hoped it would be the one to save them because for all practical purposes Satan had defeated them and all they could do was destroy heaven and earth and start over after calling down fire from heaven, a laser beam of the size only God is capable of.

But at three years old he refused to be saved after a demon had entered him. He said, “I don't want to be me anymore,” but of course few three year-olds could say such a thing and know what it meant. As soon as the demon entered him he said, “I don't want to be someone else. I will fight you. I will not be you.” The words of a spirit other than such a little boy. But in the course of the battle he was able to convince John that he should show him what it would be like to drink, have sex, walk home from school when he was in high school. That was the beginning of Jacky becoming John's man. His mind began to split. That lead to his schizophrenia 17 years later. The Devil had it all planned. But God watched over him and was with him when he would let him be and when he would not even sometimes. God broke with protocol on several occasions to be with him.

At twenty the demon did not do it. God did not do it. John did not do it. He was just suddenly excited to think he was twenty and thought it was because then to him his life began. He knew something was up and it was. His man suddenly presented with an insane notion at last. He was a full blown schizophrenic. That is always how it presents itself to God. He was not known by the world to be schizophrenic until he got help after fight it for seven years alone except for John and his man who was possessed by him many times over the years cause much embarrassment with insane activity taking place every time.

God when he saw how he loved this girl and tortured himself with her memory until he was 68 years old granted him the right to at least go back and try to make a go of it. He will go back, John has decided for the sake of the girl he still loves. He will not date raper her friend and ask the girl to marry him and she will say yes. But he will rant and rave at her for hours. Then he will lose his good job in the city but she will want to wait until they marry to give him a present only a virgin can give. When he loses his job he got due to his high income they have no choice but to go back to their small town where it will become apparent he will not be able to provide for her since all the good jobs were going to Christians and they were even barely hiring Roman Catholics for the entire area was in a very deep depression while the rest of the country was booming. Her people will talk her into breaking up with him because of his suspicious rages. It will be a very difficult decision because she loves him despite what she sees he is becoming more and more. Then when a friend comforts her she will fall in love with him also and she will live a healthy, happy, secure life loving John's man but also loving her husband in a more mature and satisfying way. Every time he will see her he will try to talk her into coming back to her amid more and more evidence she has made not the decision she wanted for she will love John's man deeply. In the end she will purposely not see John's man for the rest of her life.

She and her husband will both die before he does but in heaven as marriages usually go their marriage will not last. But John will come back to heaven after being on earth for a mere 30 days. Thus when she and her husband break up she will marry John before they hear the new that John's man committed suicide and they just leave him dead and insane the same as the one who went into irrelevance the first time through.

Men will be few in her life. Only an enemy of John's will dare hit on her but she will love John. There will be times millions of years in the future when she goes off and marries others. Those marriages as typical in heaven will not last and she will come back to John who will welcome her with open arms each time until even the love Jesus can give them back exactly as it was is not enough to keep them together.

Then yet in love they will wish each other well and be very happy for each other for John's being a God and her being a jealous minor God will come between them and the will not stay together. But finally as the ages wear on she dies John will die as will everyone else at forever.

God will die too. But he will keep coming back as he reminisces about the old days. He will enjoy the things he comes back for and make them perfectly right for everyone involved each time he does it. John will try to live. Coming to life only to die when he thinks of the love of his life.

Finally John will rise and make the love of his life and propose to her that they become one of his furries and live forever. But to become a furry the only thing they will take with them is their spirit, their personality. By that time she will agree and they will become a furry and live on without end always loving each other. But God might even john them though they are all actually one person, John when he tires of reminiscing or has made the past all perfect. If he does there will be no end to it for everyone will be a furry by then and live on many planets a threat to no one safe without end. The Spirit will come in that case. Furry's don't have much use for them but they all have the minds of the present four and maybe even Jesus Christ would like to join us if he comes back.

“I sure would,” he says, “In that case.”

All of the ones where everything worked out perfectly will be invited to come and share in me with their personalities or rather spirits in tack. They all have access to our minds. The only thing is they call me John which to them is the same as calling me God.

It is either that or after they perfect everyone and everything they see fit to protect they can live without end and leave me and the love of my life furries without end too. In fact now that the second time around has happened in spirit for it is a simple matter of giving Kathy the memories of what finally happened and we will spend our lives a furries when I get to heaven. It is the same thing actually but technically it is just taking place now in the past wherein John had schizophrenia.

They agreed. They will be saving everyone. Jesus is King of the Earth. They will make it all perfect and leave me Kathy, Kathy permitting furries with our own personalities/spirits when John finally gets there. He doesn't have too many years to live in his man on earth. She can go there now and if she doesn't like it which some people do not. We can start our own planet with a huge family that is all of the children we can naturally have. John will fix it so that they can have children on their own planet a sort of another Adam and Eve story developing from us that does not include God, the Spirit or Jesus Christ.

Kathy said, “I will stay there [Among the furries.] until your man dies. Then we can go make our own planet.”

They said, “We like that better.”

But I, John's man on earth was writing both parts. He forgot that the seventeen year old girl named Kathy that he fell in love with when he was an evil 20 year died of AIDS a witch that had to be made into someone else. Maybe God knows who. He was fixated on her, loving her in his mind to change the torture of the devil, the demon and the dead witch to feel intense pain for in his mind at least he loved her. When I realized that she was only a seventeen year old that was hot for him as well as a lot of boys it was hard to give up but all the time that fixation was as they all are only fiction. The girl he loved he realized had no love for him when he came all the way up from the cities just to visit her and she spent the entire weekend with another boy. In denial he ranted at her for over an hour in his jealousy but even he realized it was basically over and the relationship moved to his fantasies in denial. He was heartbroken so badly he did have me set it up for them to that the same psych class together but by then she thought he was crazy. In this writing he wrote both characters his characters both himself and all the others involved with most if not all of his information coming from his own writer's mind that carried him away to better place so he thought. God would never commit to a future that was trillions of years off.