Dear Diary...I'm confused

                                                                      01-03-17
Dear Diary,
         I've been smiling to myself a lot lately. Maybe too much. Despite going through a rough patch with my friends and also with myself, there is this one guy who makes me smile whenever I think of him.

But here's the problem:
He's gay.
And he has a boyfriend.
And he's probably 24 or older.
I'm 17...turning 18 in July.
And we both agree that that much of an age gap is a bit too much (not between us specifically. We were talking about age gaps in general).
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention. He's my manager at work.

I didn't like him right away. Nor did I know that he was gay right off the bat. I know it's another one of my hopeless crushes and I sincerely don't expect anything to happen between us...but is it okay for me to like him during my senior year?

I don't want to tell my parents because I know they'll think of me as pathetic or wasting my time thinking about boys. Especially if it's about a guy I could never have anything more than a simple one-sided crush. I made a joke about it with my sister, calling him "senpai" and laughing about how I'll hope he'll notice my efforts at work. But between us it's a joke and nothing more.

When did I start developing feelings for him? I rarely worked with him at first. He's not amazingly attractive either. He's not sexy nor manly nor super cool. Honestly, he's just like any other male. Just a normal person. Josh, the guy who trained me is by far a lot more cuter...and straight. He has a talent for making a lot of female customers' hearts swoon just by looking at him. So why am I so attracted to Ron? Maybe because he was so easy to talk to and laugh with? But I do admit, he is scary to approach sometimes because of his role as my manager. He'll scold me sometimes and when he does, I get so embarrassed. At those times, I tell myself to get it together and stop making a fool of myself.

Ron isn't that attractive.

I don't know what makes him so special to me. I say it's because we shared a lot of laughs, but I've shared a lot of laughs with my other coworkers who are also good looking...and straight.

So why him? Why him of all the other guys I know? Why does it have to be the guy that in every way possible, it would be wrong to be with him? He's my manager, he's a lot older, he's gay, and he has a boyfriend who he currently lives together with.

NOBODY at work can ever find out. My hopeless crush is just wrong. Everything about me liking him is wrong. But despite how wrong I know it is and how I know it will NEVER happen, I can't stop liking him.

So Diary...what do I do?