Blaspheemer

Only within the eyes of God would thou be judged.

I was hesitant as I stood on my knees in front of him. I was not sure how to act around him, how to respond...how to touch him. I was not even sure what to do to please him. I had never met a man like him before and in the pit of my stomach, I knew there was something greater there. Something I longed and lusted for on the inside. My stomach churned in the delightfully sinful thoughts I had of my teacher, my trainer...my savior. All I could do was run my hands along his clothed knees and bring my head onto his lap. My breathing stood still for a moment as I took in his being, his scent. The aroma was soothing, it wasn't as thick or heavy as my previous master..and it wasn't fake either. It was natural, as if I could smell the natural scent of his skin. I was no damnable creature to be able to smell something like that...but I knew fondly that it was a scented lotion he used on his hands everyday.

I never slept in the same room as him, but I knew he would pray, eat...bathe and then put the lotion on his hands. It made them soft and loving to the touch, he would take my hands within his and caress them gently. That was the only time he ever touched me, sometimes he would cup my cheek in his hand and tell me I was a good girl. As those innocent words left his lips, I began to wonder if I was indeed a good girl. As I laid my head on his lap the top of my head pressed into his stomach. He hadn't said a word, his blue eyes looking down at me. It seemed he was hesitant to touch me, as much as I wanted him to touch me. After a minute of hoping...he lowered his hands, one of them touched my shoulder and gripped it... and the other rested atop my head. "You still suffer my child..." he whispered in his thick Italian accent. I said nothing to him, when I first met him he called my suffering on that I had no god, and I knew nothing of religion, nothing of faith and the life that he had chosen to live.

I never understood it, but I knew my teacher had made a difficult choice when I was rescued...to take me under his care and make sure that I would one day see paradise, the paradise that he had pictured for me. "Will you not heal me?" I asked.

"God will." he told me. He moved his hand under my chin and lifted it up so that I could see him.

"Pray with me..."