Guy

He cheats and knows what he's done, so he watches until he walks away. Told in first person. Uncertain of credibility. It's strongly reliant on stereotypes and common perceptions I've heard.

I don’t understand girls. They claim to love you, but they don’t sleep with you or they get mad too easily. They say they’re afraid you’ll get tired of them, so they hold off from sex. Either way, it works the same. Guys have needs, girls have needs, but no one is willing to compromise. Whether or not they try, something always gets in the way.

It’s rather funny actually. Girls ask why guys can’t understand them.

We’re asking the same thing. Why can’t girls understand us? If we can’t get sex, we’ll go somewhere else. If we get bored, we move on. If a girl is too much, she’s not worth the time. If a better chick comes along, she’ll make us look better. Aren’t girls like that? If they can’t get affection, they go somewhere else. If they get bored, they start looking. If a guy is too much, he’s humiliated and thrown aside. If a better guy comes along, he’ll give her what she needs. In the end, we’re the same, so what’s the difference?

“Is something wrong?”

“Nah, just too excited with the prize I got.” Annoying.

My current girlfriend would call this cheating. She’d say I lied to her and cheated on her, but I never lie to her and I don’t cheat. I’m here with another girl, yet all I’m thinking about is my girlfriend. As I trace this girl’s curves, I’m thinking of my girl’s soft skin and sweet perfume. I pretend that the one underneath me isn’t some trash I picked up at a bar. I imagine she’s my girl who smiles at me and gives me gifts of her affection. Is it really cheating then? Every moment I hear this trash moan or feel it shiver, all I can recall are my girl’s whimpers and sighs.

All I think about is my girl. The fact that she’s mine merits some thought every once in a while. I can’t get over how cute she is or how much fun I can have with her. She doesn’t yell at me, only asks for the smallest things, is willing to stand for herself and not bother me about it. I have the perfect girl. Just she thinks I’m her one, her forever. A month and I already know, I’m not ready to settle down or that she’s the one for me. I’ll enjoy my time with her because I love her enough for that. Yet my only problem is I can’t go on hand alone. I need something. I’m giving her what she needs, but she’s not giving me what I need.  I’m forced to rut with this trash, make her writhe and cry for me. My girl would be better than this, but I’m reduced to this. This is more humiliating than to go on hand. My friends would understand easily. But my girl wouldn’t.

Tomorrow, my girl will know. It will be all over the school. Guys will slap me on the back and easily understand what’s up, teachers will keep silent and avoid innuendos, and the girls will either glare or ask for a date. Out of everyone though, my girl will be crying, huddled in her group of friends.

I can see it, right here and right now.

A girl will run up to her. My girl will be all smiles, happy to hear something about me. Then as she’s told, the smile will fade, her shoulders will drop, and tears will brim her eyes. Finally, when the girl has finished, my girl will break down into tears. My girl will turn around and fall into the arms of her friends. They’ll gather around her and give her words of comfort, but she won’t hear them. She will cry and cry. One of my friends will see. He’ll run to me, telling me my girl is crying.

By tomorrow, I’ll most likely forget this ever happened and hearing my friend tell me my girl is crying, I’ll run to her without a second thought. As soon as the group sees me though, they’ll tighten their hold on my girl and glare. The sight of my girl crying will hurt me, but I won’t recall what happened. In my eyes, I never lied, I never cheated. So why is my girl crying? Her friends will yell at me and start a scene. People will turn, looking, curious, even though they already know what’s going on. I’ll ask to speak with my girl, but her friends will hold her back. I’ll feel angry, but the sight of my girl crying will make me step back. I don’t want to see her cry anymore. I hate feeling powerless. I hate being left cold. So what I’ll do is say what I know will hurt. That way, I won’t have to hate or feel anger anymore. No matter how much I don’t believe in it, I’ll say it as they seem to see it and break off with my girlfriend as the cold-hearted b*****d I am.

I told my girl that I think of her always. I wasn’t lying. I told her that she’s the only one I want. It’s true, but I have needs. A guy can’t go on masturbating all the time. It’s humiliating and doesn’t begin to satisfy us. We need more than the few kisses and caresses. We need sex, a drug to keep us hooked. We need to be calmed. Maybe that’s why girls say we don’t have a heart.

It’s not that, far from it. Guys do have a heart, just not the same way. We get hurt and feel happy. We can feel insecure and excited.  We’d never admit it though. We have our pride, our sense of dignity. Don’t girls have that too? They may tell each other s**t, but they don’t tell everything. They also have their pride, their dignity. It’s just different from ours.

And no girl is ever grown up and no guy is either. Girls call us all little kids who need to grow up, but they’re saying that to practically every one of us, so are we really little kids, or are we just guys? Girls are brats and b*****s that need to calm down and do that understanding s**t they do, but we don’t say that to them, so they stay brats and b*****s. A teenage girl is no different than a woman; only the older one has more experience. There’s no difference between a teenage guy and a man. It’s still just experience, what time and failure taught us.

We’re all the same in the end, aren’t we? Yet the stupid differences screw it all up. Our values, our pride, our heart, our needs. There’s nothing more to it. So why should guys compromise if girls won’t? Girls say they’ll compromise, but there’s one condition. It’s on their grounds, based on their values and their needs and their heart and their pride. Guys just have to play along and hope they get some as a result.

I’m sorry, but I’m not that kind of guy.

I can’t compromise on their grounds. It’s mine or both. They say it’ll be fair. Then make it fair. Keep to your word as you seem to prize it so much. Don’t break it unless you never said you wouldn’t or couldn’t.  This is all a waste of time. There’s no point bothering. We call girls stubborn, they call us stubborn. They gang on us, we gang on them. It’s a never ending circle.

In the end, I don’t understand girls. And I don’t think I’d want to.